In laws are changing their will and said my husband needs to sign some papers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

Pretty obvious to me why the parents will not send the documents ahead of time. They don't want OP to influence their son as to what he should do especially given the frayed relationship between them and OP.

Yes, he may know what is in the documents or more likely he knows the reason why they won't tell him or give him an advance copy of the documents is because they have told him that they don't want the OP involved in the matter.

Let us assume that it has to do with making sure any inheritance they leave is completely protected from access by the OP. Should OP have any say in this matter or is it something to be resolved between her husband and his parents? After all, we are not talking about marital assets here and OP should not have any concern about how her in-laws choose to dispose of their assets.

I think we've well-established in this thread that OP's in-laws are free to do what they want with their money. No one is disputing that.

The point of contention seems to be what OP's DH should be doing in response. Some people think his first loyalty should be to his marriage, and that since he's not acting that way, that's a problem. If you're right that it's about making sure OP doesn't get any of the in-laws money, some of us would still have a problem with our spouses going along with that. Not because we want the money, but because we would be incredibly hurt if our spouses allowed their parents to drive a wedge in our marriage just to get the promise of some money. Seems of low character, and that's not a marriage I'd want to be in.

It's only a wedge if you (general you, not you personally) allow it to be. Accept that not everything is going to include you. If you don't, you are creating the wedge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

Pretty obvious to me why the parents will not send the documents ahead of time. They don't want OP to influence their son as to what he should do especially given the frayed relationship between them and OP.

Yes, he may know what is in the documents or more likely he knows the reason why they won't tell him or give him an advance copy of the documents is because they have told him that they don't want the OP involved in the matter.

Let us assume that it has to do with making sure any inheritance they leave is completely protected from access by the OP. Should OP have any say in this matter or is it something to be resolved between her husband and his parents? After all, we are not talking about marital assets here and OP should not have any concern about how her in-laws choose to dispose of their assets.

I think we've well-established in this thread that OP's in-laws are free to do what they want with their money. No one is disputing that.

The point of contention seems to be what OP's DH should be doing in response. Some people think his first loyalty should be to his marriage, and that since he's not acting that way, that's a problem. If you're right that it's about making sure OP doesn't get any of the in-laws money, some of us would still have a problem with our spouses going along with that. Not because we want the money, but because we would be incredibly hurt if our spouses allowed their parents to drive a wedge in our marriage just to get the promise of some money. Seems of low character, and that's not a marriage I'd want to be in.

Hit submit too soon. Meant to add there that if the only thing the in-laws wanted to accomplish were to keep the money out of OP's hands, they could do it without needing to involve OP's DH at all. The inheritance could be put into a trust with the DH as a life beneficiary and limits on how trust monies could be dispersed, and then name the grandchild as remainder beneficiaries after the DH dies. If they're bringing the OP's DH into it now, it's not because they need him to sign anything, it's because they want to make the point to him, and to get him to go along with their plan (and, by implication, their view of OP).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

Pretty obvious to me why the parents will not send the documents ahead of time. They don't want OP to influence their son as to what he should do especially given the frayed relationship between them and OP.

Yes, he may know what is in the documents or more likely he knows the reason why they won't tell him or give him an advance copy of the documents is because they have told him that they don't want the OP involved in the matter.

Let us assume that it has to do with making sure any inheritance they leave is completely protected from access by the OP. Should OP have any say in this matter or is it something to be resolved between her husband and his parents? After all, we are not talking about marital assets here and OP should not have any concern about how her in-laws choose to dispose of their assets.

I think we've well-established in this thread that OP's in-laws are free to do what they want with their money. No one is disputing that.

The point of contention seems to be what OP's DH should be doing in response. Some people think his first loyalty should be to his marriage, and that since he's not acting that way, that's a problem. If you're right that it's about making sure OP doesn't get any of the in-laws money, some of us would still have a problem with our spouses going along with that. Not because we want the money, but because we would be incredibly hurt if our spouses allowed their parents to drive a wedge in our marriage just to get the promise of some money. Seems of low character, and that's not a marriage I'd want to be in.

It's only a wedge if you (general you, not you personally) allow it to be. Accept that not everything is going to include you. If you don't, you are creating the wedge.

I guess we know what your marriage stands for. Anyone can be sold out for money. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

Pretty obvious to me why the parents will not send the documents ahead of time. They don't want OP to influence their son as to what he should do especially given the frayed relationship between them and OP.

Yes, he may know what is in the documents or more likely he knows the reason why they won't tell him or give him an advance copy of the documents is because they have told him that they don't want the OP involved in the matter.

Let us assume that it has to do with making sure any inheritance they leave is completely protected from access by the OP. Should OP have any say in this matter or is it something to be resolved between her husband and his parents? After all, we are not talking about marital assets here and OP should not have any concern about how her in-laws choose to dispose of their assets.

I think we've well-established in this thread that OP's in-laws are free to do what they want with their money. No one is disputing that.

The point of contention seems to be what OP's DH should be doing in response. Some people think his first loyalty should be to his marriage, and that since he's not acting that way, that's a problem. If you're right that it's about making sure OP doesn't get any of the in-laws money, some of us would still have a problem with our spouses going along with that. Not because we want the money, but because we would be incredibly hurt if our spouses allowed their parents to drive a wedge in our marriage just to get the promise of some money. Seems of low character, and that's not a marriage I'd want to be in.

It's only a wedge if you (general you, not you personally) allow it to be. Accept that not everything is going to include you. If you don't, you are creating the wedge.

I guess we know what your marriage stands for. Anyone can be sold out for money. Gross.

I just don't believe that marriage means people can't be individuals. My family is not my spouse's family, and his isn't mine. If something involves his family, it does not necessarily involve me, and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

Pretty obvious to me why the parents will not send the documents ahead of time. They don't want OP to influence their son as to what he should do especially given the frayed relationship between them and OP.

Yes, he may know what is in the documents or more likely he knows the reason why they won't tell him or give him an advance copy of the documents is because they have told him that they don't want the OP involved in the matter.

Let us assume that it has to do with making sure any inheritance they leave is completely protected from access by the OP. Should OP have any say in this matter or is it something to be resolved between her husband and his parents? After all, we are not talking about marital assets here and OP should not have any concern about how her in-laws choose to dispose of their assets.

I think we've well-established in this thread that OP's in-laws are free to do what they want with their money. No one is disputing that.

The point of contention seems to be what OP's DH should be doing in response. Some people think his first loyalty should be to his marriage, and that since he's not acting that way, that's a problem. If you're right that it's about making sure OP doesn't get any of the in-laws money, some of us would still have a problem with our spouses going along with that. Not because we want the money, but because we would be incredibly hurt if our spouses allowed their parents to drive a wedge in our marriage just to get the promise of some money. Seems of low character, and that's not a marriage I'd want to be in.

It's only a wedge if you (general you, not you personally) allow it to be. Accept that not everything is going to include you. If you don't, you are creating the wedge.

I guess we know what your marriage stands for. Anyone can be sold out for money. Gross.

I just don't believe that marriage means people can't be individuals. My family is not my spouse's family, and his isn't mine. If something involves his family, it does not necessarily involve me, and vice versa.

I absolutely agree that people are individuals, and that not everything that goes on in husband's family can or should involve me. But if my in-laws were to go out of their way to spit on our marriage, that is very much my business, and would be disappointed in my husband if he condoned it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

Pretty obvious to me why the parents will not send the documents ahead of time. They don't want OP to influence their son as to what he should do especially given the frayed relationship between them and OP.

Yes, he may know what is in the documents or more likely he knows the reason why they won't tell him or give him an advance copy of the documents is because they have told him that they don't want the OP involved in the matter.

Let us assume that it has to do with making sure any inheritance they leave is completely protected from access by the OP. Should OP have any say in this matter or is it something to be resolved between her husband and his parents? After all, we are not talking about marital assets here and OP should not have any concern about how her in-laws choose to dispose of their assets.

I think we've well-established in this thread that OP's in-laws are free to do what they want with their money. No one is disputing that.

The point of contention seems to be what OP's DH should be doing in response. Some people think his first loyalty should be to his marriage, and that since he's not acting that way, that's a problem. If you're right that it's about making sure OP doesn't get any of the in-laws money, some of us would still have a problem with our spouses going along with that. Not because we want the money, but because we would be incredibly hurt if our spouses allowed their parents to drive a wedge in our marriage just to get the promise of some money. Seems of low character, and that's not a marriage I'd want to be in.

It's only a wedge if you (general you, not you personally) allow it to be. Accept that not everything is going to include you. If you don't, you are creating the wedge.

I guess we know what your marriage stands for. Anyone can be sold out for money. Gross.

I just don't believe that marriage means people can't be individuals. My family is not my spouse's family, and his isn't mine. If something involves his family, it does not necessarily involve me, and vice versa.

I absolutely agree that people are individuals, and that not everything that goes on in husband's family can or should involve me. But if my in-laws were to go out of their way to spit on our marriage, that is very much my business, and would be disappointed in my husband if he condoned it.

I don't see it that way. I see it as them taking care of their own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

Pretty obvious to me why the parents will not send the documents ahead of time. They don't want OP to influence their son as to what he should do especially given the frayed relationship between them and OP.

Yes, he may know what is in the documents or more likely he knows the reason why they won't tell him or give him an advance copy of the documents is because they have told him that they don't want the OP involved in the matter.

Let us assume that it has to do with making sure any inheritance they leave is completely protected from access by the OP. Should OP have any say in this matter or is it something to be resolved between her husband and his parents? After all, we are not talking about marital assets here and OP should not have any concern about how her in-laws choose to dispose of their assets.

I think we've well-established in this thread that OP's in-laws are free to do what they want with their money. No one is disputing that.

The point of contention seems to be what OP's DH should be doing in response. Some people think his first loyalty should be to his marriage, and that since he's not acting that way, that's a problem. If you're right that it's about making sure OP doesn't get any of the in-laws money, some of us would still have a problem with our spouses going along with that. Not because we want the money, but because we would be incredibly hurt if our spouses allowed their parents to drive a wedge in our marriage just to get the promise of some money. Seems of low character, and that's not a marriage I'd want to be in.

Therein lies the difference.

You are equating OP's in-laws leaving an inheritance to her husband with restrictions on her access as being an act of disloyalty. She has no right to even voice an opinion as to how his parents choose to dispose off their assets - that is their business as you concede - and it really is a stretch to view as disloyalty on the part of her husband if he concedes to such a restriction. Quite apart from the fact that OP has said that they don't have an interest in the in-laws money - the term "they" includes her by inference.

"Driving a wedge" because parents want to restrict access to assets by a spouse is another stretch. They would be driving a wedge if they said that their son would only inherit the money if he was to divorce OP or impose other conditions in their marital relationship.

All of the above is based on assumptions as to their reluctance as to why they don't want OP involved - perhaps it is something quite innocuous.

FYI, these sort of restrictions where substantial assets are involved are not unusual and, perhaps, even wise given the high failure rate of marriages. If you had substantial assets would you be fine with a spend-thrift D/SIL having access to the funds or a D/SIL making off with half of it in the event a divorce occurs? What makes matters worse in this instance is that OP has a strained relationship with her in-laws which polarizes attitudes even further.

None of these comments are a value judgement on OP whose strained relationship appears to have been caused by her non-Jewish antecedents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the assholes are asking the husband to sign a paper saying their non Jewish DIL isn't getting shit in case they die.

Would server OP right.

My MIL actually did this. She bought some property somewhere and wanted me to sign papers giving up my claim to it in case she died. I refused, my husband was 100% supportive, and she told me that she would write my husband (her son) out of her will if I didn't do what she demanded.

We told her to do what she needed to do. Whatever, don't care. Like the OP, we don't need whatever it is she has.

Your husband needs to grow a pair OP.

Why wouldn't you sign it?

Because we are married and saw it as a deliberate division of that pact. What's mine is his and vice versa, you don't get to cherry pick. If she gives something to my husband, then she's giving it to me by extension. Or she doesn't have to, that is her right. She has another son who is unmarried and will likely remain so, better that she leave everything to him if she's scared of her legacy falling into the hands of someone she didn't give birth to.

It's her own property. She has the right to give it to whoever she wants, married or not. I would never leave my houses to someone who wouldn't promise to keep them in the actual family in case of a divorce.

She sure does, I never stated otherwise.

I didn't demand that she leave the house to me. I said I wasn't signing anything, and I didn't. She decided to write my husband out of the will. I think. Not sure because the issue was never brought up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the assholes are asking the husband to sign a paper saying their non Jewish DIL isn't getting shit in case they die.

Would server OP right.

My MIL actually did this. She bought some property somewhere and wanted me to sign papers giving up my claim to it in case she died. I refused, my husband was 100% supportive, and she told me that she would write my husband (her son) out of her will if I didn't do what she demanded.

We told her to do what she needed to do. Whatever, don't care. Like the OP, we don't need whatever it is she has.

Your husband needs to grow a pair OP.

Why wouldn't you sign it?

Because we are married and saw it as a deliberate division of that pact. What's mine is his and vice versa, you don't get to cherry pick. If she gives something to my husband, then she's giving it to me by extension. Or she doesn't have to, that is her right. She has another son who is unmarried and will likely remain so, better that she leave everything to him if she's scared of her legacy falling into the hands of someone she didn't give birth to.

It's her own property. She has the right to give it to whoever she wants, married or not. I would never leave my houses to someone who wouldn't promise to keep them in the actual family in case of a divorce.

She sure does, I never stated otherwise.

I didn't demand that she leave the house to me. I said I wasn't signing anything, and I didn't. She decided to write my husband out of the will. I think. Not sure because the issue was never brought up again.

No one said you demanded anything. You said she doesn't get to leave something to your husband only, because it will be yours by extension. Sounds like she made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

^^ Responding to myself. Nothing against you, PP. But her wishes wouldn't be respected if she left it to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Responding to myself. Nothing against you, PP. But her wishes wouldn't be respected if she left it to your husband.

But she can stipulate in her will that her property can be left to her sons, and to her grandkids after that. We have family property that has been in our family since the turn of the 20th century, and so far, none of it has fallen into the nefarious hands of in-laws--through divorce, death or a spouse, or anything else--all of the property has been inherited by heirs.

[Anonymous]

So - why did he fly to see them? Is he back yet?

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems your in-laws have petty, vindictive personalities. Just thank God that neither you nor your DH got that "inheritance."

Having said that, I am not sure I'd like my children to spend much time with petty, vindictive people...