In laws are changing their will and said my husband needs to sign some papers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

OK, sure, but without knowing what he is going to sign, she has no clue whether he is going to be asked to sign "something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect [their] marital financial status." Neither does he. She has a right to know. But this situation is mostly indicating a problem with the DH. He should be the one politely but firmly asking his parents to send him a copy. If they are really crazy and won't do that, he should reassure his wife that he won't sign anything without discussing it with her first. His "I'm going and I'm going to sign anything they tell me to" is ridiculous. Sorry, OP, I don't know what I would do about it, though. It sounds stressful.

Someone who lacks financial sophistication needs advice but he is the one who should make that call with the input of his wife or other person who has his interests in mind. If he does not want his wife involved that is up to him.

OP describes his parents as "assholes" and if they are even remotely aware of her views about them, I don't blame them for not wanting her around.

Perhaps they don't trust her and if they are leaving him something it may be that they want to ensure that she does not get any access to those funds while married or in the event of a divorce. OP says "they" don't want the in-laws' money but that again is a call for her husband to make whether HE wants their money.

It is not that I am unsympathetic to OP's plight but these sort of family dynamics don't happen in a vacuum - there are aspects to OP's relationship with her in-laws that are coming into play in how the in-laws are approaching this is my conjecture.

Op here. You are probably right. They are Jewish and I am not and they refuse to accept me because I am not Jewish. This lack of accepting his wife has obviously caused a strain in their relationship for obvious reasons.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like the reasonable thing to do would be to ask them to forward copies of the papers they want him to sign so he can review them before he goes in case there are any questions or issues. Would be such a waste for him to travel out there to sign but not be able to because there's a problem with the documents.

At least, that's how I would present it to them. I also would not have your husband go alone if you don't trust them and don't trust him to properly review/ask questions.

Husband won't ask them and refuses to question anything. He said he is going and signing whatever they want and that is it.

Your husband sounds foolish. I would put my foot down on this. Your finances are his finances (unless you have a prenup) so this involves you. If he bas to sign I wonder if he is taking on some sort of responsibility like co-signing for a loan. Also, why can't they send the document so he can sign and pdf it back?

[Anonymous]

Maybe the assholes are asking the husband to sign a paper saying their non Jewish DIL isn't getting shit in case they die.

Would server OP right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the assholes are asking the husband to sign a paper saying their non Jewish DIL isn't getting shit in case they die.

Would server OP right.

Huh? This is a weird response. I as the op already said I don't want any money from them and don't need it. Only reason I have deemed them as assholes is because they are outright prejudiced. People like you scare me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the assholes are asking the husband to sign a paper saying their non Jewish DIL isn't getting shit in case they die.

Would server OP right.

Huh? This is a weird response. I as the op already said I don't want any money from them and don't need it. Only reason I have deemed them as assholes is because they are outright prejudiced. People like you scare me.

Would serve op right because why?...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

She has no say in what his parents decide to do with their money. But in a marriage, these are the kinds of things you share. You don't keep these kinds of secrets. That the parents want it kept a secret doesn't trouble me, it's that OP's husband is going along with it, and very obviously putting his parents ahead of his marriage. Even if whatever he's signing has zero implications for OP, because she is his wife OP's husband should be willing to open up to her and make sure she's included if for no other reason than to reassure OP that she's not being compromised in some way.

After he signs whatever he is going to sign, he should disclose to OP what he obligated himself to - assuming there was an obligation. He should not keep it a secret.

All I am saying is that whether he/his parents want OP there or reviewing the documents ahead of time or prior to him signing the document/s is a call OP's husband must make.

If I were the OP, I would tell her husband that he can go ahead with whatever they want him to sign as long as he does not compromise their current marital assets. He should also understand what he is signing and if he has any doubts that he should seek advice whether from OP or someone else who is qualified.

OP has the absolute right to ensure their marital assets are not impacted. Her husband has the absolute right to agree or disagree with anything his parents want him to sign that affects his rights with regard to their assets. OP has no say when it comes to the terms of disposition of his parents assets.

Keep in mind that OP has acknowledged that her relationship with her in-laws are/have been an issue.

You're right that ultimately the OP's DH has to make that call, I'm saying that he should respect his wife enough to get a prior understanding of what's going on and not commit himself to anything without talking to her first. If this were something totally innocuous and on the up-and-up, OP's in-laws would be willing to tell him what they need him to sign in advance. After all, in standard estate planning no one needs to sign anything other than the people making the wills/trusts/POAs. That they're not willing to tell him in advance automatically raises suspicion. Further, he's going out there supposedly with no clue what's going to happen, does anyone think this guy is really going to look at the papers and then tell his parents that he needs to go call his wife before he signs? Of course not, if he'd be willing to do that, he's also be willing to find out what this about before he went out there. If it's something that truly has nothing to do with the OP, then he can go ahead and do whatever he likes, and finding out in advance what it's about and talking to his wife doesn't preclude that.

The other possibility is that he already knows exactly what this is about but doesn't want to tell OP. Either way, it's problematic for their marriage that OP's DH is blowing off her concerns.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws do this shit all the time with my DH. They are Jewish, too. I am not. And it's usually silly stuff so there's no real reason for the secrecy. It's bizarre.

[Anonymous]

It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is entirely up to your husband and his parents.

You have no say in the matter unless he is signing something that compromises your current assets or takes on new liabilities that would affect your marital financial status.

+1 stay out of it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:\Your finances are his finances (unless you have a prenup) so this involves you. If he bas to sign I wonder if he is taking on some sort of responsibility like co-signing for a loan. Also, why can't they send the document so he can sign and pdf it back?

Dude, an inheritance is NOT her finances. They're separate property, 'nup or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:\Your finances are his finances (unless you have a prenup) so this involves you. If he bas to sign I wonder if he is taking on some sort of responsibility like co-signing for a loan. Also, why can't they send the document so he can sign and pdf it back?

Dude, an inheritance is NOT her finances. They're separate property, 'nup or not.

There would be no need for him to sign anything now to get an inheritance. The parents can do this on their own without his knowledge. If they need his signature, it suggests they need him for something outside of typical estate planning (such as pp's suggestion that they're going to ask him to co-sign on a loan).

To me, bottom line here is the marriage. OP clearly doesn't trust her DH to include her in whatever is happening or to make good judgment calls on her behalf. Whether her concerns are valid or not, this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing he needs to fly there to sign legally. This is an excuse/manipulation of some sort. Documents can be scanned, faxed, FedEx, etc... and signed in front of a notary public.
OP, you need to resolve whatever the issue is between you and your husband.

[Anonymous]

This sounds more like a husband problem than an in laws problem. They want your DH to pay for a plane ticket to come by himself for some mysterious reason they won't explain? And your DH is ok with that? Can't he sign the papers the next time you take a family trip out there? I don't care what my ILs are planning to give DH but they don't get to dictate his travel plans without some sort of explanation and agreement from me that it justifies the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the assholes are asking the husband to sign a paper saying their non Jewish DIL isn't getting shit in case they die.

Would server OP right.

My MIL actually did this. She bought some property somewhere and wanted me to sign papers giving up my claim to it in case she died. I refused, my husband was 100% supportive, and she told me that she would write my husband (her son) out of her will if I didn't do what she demanded.

We told her to do what she needed to do. Whatever, don't care. Like the OP, we don't need whatever it is she has.

Your husband needs to grow a pair OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the assholes are asking the husband to sign a paper saying their non Jewish DIL isn't getting shit in case they die.

Would server OP right.

My MIL actually did this. She bought some property somewhere and wanted me to sign papers giving up my claim to it in case she died. I refused, my husband was 100% supportive, and she told me that she would write my husband (her son) out of her will if I didn't do what she demanded.

We told her to do what she needed to do. Whatever, don't care. Like the OP, we don't need whatever it is she has.

Your husband needs to grow a pair OP.

Why wouldn't you sign it?