Found out my boyfriend I met online has been lying to me....

[Anonymous]

Unlike everyone else here, I think you should stay with him because you deserve each other. He's a lying bastard who keeps secrets from you. You are a lying witch who doesn't trust and rather than confronting him, you stalk him on-line from a fake persona. As Yenta would say, he's untrustworthy and your untrusting; it's a perfect match!

[Anonymous]

Btw, this is why it's a good idea to meet someone in person relatively quickly. Don't spend months baring your soul with someone that you've never even met before. People frequently are very different in person that the image that they project online.

[Anonymous]

You're much better off without him, OP, and next time, you'll be aware of red flags. Something similar happened to me when I was in my late 20s and I was so angry at myself for falling for him. Don't beat yourself up-- be glad you only spent two months on him; that's a tiny fraction of your life!

[Anonymous]

Yeah. Two months is really nothing. Just look at it as funny story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this drama over someone 4 hours away that you've "known" for all of two months and only met once? You obviously don't really know this person at all. My first thought with him disappearing overnight is that he's married.

OP here: we've met more the once. We've seen each other 4 times since our first time meetir when he came down here and stayed in the hotel.

Good lord OP, after 4 pages of people telling you to get out now, you respond to defend how many times you have seen him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My analysis: he is a con man who knew what to do and what to say to get you to attach. Attachment is a very powerful way to manipulate.

Why you want to find out more is to mollify your sense of injustice that the person you attached to treated you so badly, betrayed your trust, doesn't return your feelings, and is leaving you like trash. You want to understand why.

There is no why. There is no justice. There is nothing that you will find out that will help you make sense of this and make you feel less defective.

Please listen to the previous posts. You will keep going to this well for water but you will always leave thirsty.

I suspect this man has a major personality disorder and that you may have traits that make you too trusting. People like this hunt for people like you. Learn as much as you can about sociopaths, what to look for. They are very charming. You are lucky you are leaving with just a broken heart. Many are left with broken hearts, ruined credit, bankrupt or in major debt, humiliated, their confidence and self esteem torn to shreds. These liars are not just liars, they are vampires of humanity and they won't stop until you're a shell of yoursellf.

Run away. Don't play with this. This is a very dangerous person.

This. Block his number. Do not respond. Do not even think you can be friends. Friends is his code word for "you are willing to be lied to again" or worse. NO CONTACT. Do yo understand this OP? He showed you who he is. Believe him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this drama over someone 4 hours away that you've "known" for all of two months and only met once? You obviously don't really know this person at all. My first thought with him disappearing overnight is that he's married.

OP here: we've met more the once. We've seen each other 4 times since our first time meetir when he came down here and stayed in the hotel.

Good lord OP, after 4 pages of people telling you to get out now, you respond to defend how many times you have seen him?

+1 LOL! Pathetic. A guy you met on line that you have a "relationship" with for 2 months lied to you but you did see him in person 4x. Pathetic. Move on. He is a loser and you are letting yourself be sucked in by your search for the truth. You need to get a hobby or something like knitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this drama over someone 4 hours away that you've "known" for all of two months and only met once? You obviously don't really know this person at all. My first thought with him disappearing overnight is that he's married.

OP here: we've met more the once. We've seen each other 4 times since our first time meetir when he came down here and stayed in the hotel.

Good lord OP, after 4 pages of people telling you to get out now, you respond to defend how many times you have seen him?

OP here: No, I haven't had the time to respond to every single post. I responded to this one because this was the 3rd or 4th person who made a comment about only meeting him "once" so I wanted to clear that up. I haven't been through the last 2 pages of comments yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would let it go and move on. It's hard enough having a long-distance relationship, and you've got very little invested in this relationship. I know it doesn't feel like that to you, emotionally, but in practical terms - you've known him only a couple of months. You don't have shared finances, or children, or friends/family. What would continuing to chat with him under the fake persona gain you? You already know he is willing to pursue other women, even if only online. You already know he is either lying to you directly, or to your 'fake persona.' Does any of this sound like a guy you want to be in relationship with?

OP here: I just feel like I wasted two months of my life with someone who I really thought could be the one because we just clicked so easily from day 1. It really pisses me off to think that this could have been a game to him from the beginning and I kind of just want to know what else he could be lying to me about. I know that probably comes off as immature or pathetic but I'm the type of person who likes to know EVERYTHING and thinking that there may be A LOT more that he's been lying about, is driving me crazy!

OP, you were me 7 years ago. Wasting two months and being wrong about "the one" is not bad . when you find the one tou will know, and most importantly you will not doubt him , his words nor your thoughts. So please do yourself a favor and delete this guy from yours and the fake girl's life. Forget him, and never look back. Dont waste your energy on toxic people and situations. Be a queen, and walk away like one. Without a word. Good luck! Signed- happily married woman who found the one...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would let it go and move on. It's hard enough having a long-distance relationship, and you've got very little invested in this relationship. I know it doesn't feel like that to you, emotionally, but in practical terms - you've known him only a couple of months. You don't have shared finances, or children, or friends/family. What would continuing to chat with him under the fake persona gain you? You already know he is willing to pursue other women, even if only online. You already know he is either lying to you directly, or to your 'fake persona.' Does any of this sound like a guy you want to be in relationship with?

OP here: I just feel like I wasted two months of my life with someone who I really thought could be the one because we just clicked so easily from day 1. It really pisses me off to think that this could have been a game to him from the beginning and I kind of just want to know what else he could be lying to me about. I know that probably comes off as immature or pathetic but I'm the type of person who likes to know EVERYTHING and thinking that there may be A LOT more that he's been lying about, is driving me crazy!

What are you 19? There are lots of fish in the sea!

[Anonymous]

I mean, you could after all keep up the game and see what else you could find out. But what would you gain from it?? Just more ammunition to throw his way? You pretty much already know the guy is a slimy con-artist who is up to no good whatsoever. You can come up with a list of 100 different reasons why this is so, but in the end it won't matter how many reasons or how bad they are. It is what it is.

I would just count your losses and move on.

You have already invested two whole months into this guy.

Do not invest another second.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'm curious about this guy.

I am a male, and I think that if he was just looking to get laid and move on, he wouldn't have spent months chatting with you. I also doubt think that he is a dangerous pyscho. This sounds like typically DCUM overreacting.

Here is my theory:

It's possible that he may have family that owns a farm, that he worked on in the past, and maybe does a little helping-out on occasion when visiting his folks. He probably feels that this makes it OK for him to claim that he works on his family's farm. But, he may also have (or had) other jobs recently. Basically, I think he is trying to change his image. I doubt that it's all BS.

Is there some reason why he would suddenly not want to be associated with being a "farm worker"? Maybe something was said to him that made him feel that this was bad thing and now he is playing the farm stuff down and trying to having "regular" jobs. Maybe he reads DCUM, where working class guys are dismissed as losers?

In any case, it doesn't sound like he is The One. He put his profile back up and is obviously open to chatting with other women. It sounds like you have feelings for him but he is ambivalent. You indicated that there was a fight, and he has been elusive since then. It sounds like he looking at other options. If I was you, I would be doing the same.

[Anonymous]

I have a theory: it doesn't matter. Ditch him and find someone else. What he's lying about does not matter. Playing super-sleuth is a little crazy. You're not entitied to the truth and it is a fruitless effort. Just move on.

Meet people IRL. Online and text isn't the best way to get to know someone, especially is not hearing from them for 8 hours is going to drive you crazy.

[Anonymous]

This has to be the same OP of the missing boyfriend thread. Wow. I spend way too much time here!

[Anonymous]

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/461803.page

Carry on.