Found out my boyfriend I met online has been lying to me....

[Anonymous]

This is the problem with on-line relationships: you are basing your intimacy and emotions on what could be carefully contrived comments. I have been there at the infancy of online dating. I combatted that by not getting emotionally attached before meeting in person. And doing research about them.

It is easy for me do describe myself as a single 50 yo millionaire male with looks of a 40 year old, but in reality, I am married with a kid. My body may look 40 (no grey), but I have had cancer and heart disease....And my "millionaire" combines 401K balance and home equity. I am cash pore.

[Anonymous]

Good thing you found out now instead of a year from now.

[Anonymous]

How normal it is these days to stay in touch via text ALL THE TIME. Don't you need a break?

[Anonymous]

I would move on emotionally, but maybe f around with him a little bit first. Ask him to meet you somewhere but don't show up.

[Anonymous]

OP I was in a similar situation at your age 15 years ago. Oh god the lack of judgment and refusal to heed red flags early led to eventual bankruptcy and foreclosure on a home. It was the worst experience but best lesson of my life.

Im happily remarried to an honest, kind, straightforward guy who is totally transparent with me. And I met him online (eharmony happened to actually work for us). And that was ten years ago.

Anyways, therapy and the shedding of mainstream American culture's message that "the one" exists worked. I stopped thinking that finding a husband was going to happen by magic or fate. I started to think about WHAT KIND of marriage I would have with each potential mate...not IF he was the one or if he was my destiny...but rather what day to day life year after year in easy times and ahitstorms would be like.

Come up with a solid idea of character strengths, personality traits, etc that are important in building a life with someone. Be serious, active in your search and highly selective. And by all means make sure you want to sleep with them.

Drop this guy, get therapy and change your approach. Just stop with the whole finding the one" thing...it failed for me and so many of my friends and relatives...

[Anonymous]

OP if you really want to get something valuable out of this experience then you should ask yourself what you are doing to contribute to this situation that is self-destructive.

I am saying this to be helpful, not critical. You sound like you are very intense and a bit smothering. That doesn't negate all of the crappy stuff this guy did, he's obviously a complete jerk and you should move on. But you also have played a part by expecting 24 hour attention and now wanting to keep engaging with him by basically stalking him.

Let it go. Move on. You are worth much more than this. Continuing to engage with this creep isn't dignified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How normal it is these days to stay in touch via text ALL THE TIME. Don't you need a break?

I have seen people do that too much.....it's pretty sad in my opinion.

Independence is a MAJOR trait in a relationship being successful. Give the person some space.

[Anonymous]

OP, like 07:05, I was in a similar situation. Actually, I have been in a similar situation with guys I met online a number of times. Once, it lasted only about a month, and I did see him a number of times, and during that month he said he was falling in love with me and we wrote about 1000 pages worth of emails back and forth with every intimate detail of our lives.

Except he was totally lying. His girlfriend was in Texas taking care of her sick family member, and she came back after a month to continue their relationship. Here he was telling me he was falling in love with me, and one day out of the blue he stopped emailing all the time and wasn't answering calls (this is before texting was a big thing). He told me the next day that he had the worst flu of his life, and he kept going on and on about how hard it is to live alone and have no one to take care of you when you are hungry but too sick to even get out of bed. So later that day I showed up at his place with a basket of goodies for a sick person -- soups, tissues, throat lozenges, theraflu, fruit, etc -- and when I knocked on the door, his longtime girlfriend answered. He wasn't sick at all. Just a liar with a month free while she was gone.

The lesson for you here is figuring out why you fell so hard for a person who you had just met. What do you need to do to protect yourself in the future from making this mistake again?

I agree with others that there is nothing to be gained by continuing to correspond with this guy. He is a liar and you know all you need to know to know you need to just walk away from him. But if writing more will bring you clarity about how deceitful he is, it's not going to hurt to do it for much longer. But give yourself a deadline or something. This guy is not worth much more of your brain space. I'm sorry you were deceived.

The lesson I learned is to steer clear of anything long distance and online. I used online tools to find a person to meet in person ASAP and then conducted the rest of our relationship totally offline. Met my husband that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is telling me that this is probably one giant joke to him and that I should keep talking to him on this profile to see what else I find out.

What the hell else do you need to know? He's a dirtbag dump him and move on with your life why put any more time/energy into anything involving him.

[Anonymous]

Reread your post. I think you know the answer. What would you tell one of your friends to do in the same situation?

[Anonymous]

My analysis: he is a con man who knew what to do and what to say to get you to attach. Attachment is a very powerful way to manipulate.

Why you want to find out more is to mollify your sense of injustice that the person you attached to treated you so badly, betrayed your trust, doesn't return your feelings, and is leaving you like trash. You want to understand why.

There is no why. There is no justice. There is nothing that you will find out that will help you make sense of this and make you feel less defective.

Please listen to the previous posts. You will keep going to this well for water but you will always leave thirsty.

I suspect this man has a major personality disorder and that you may have traits that make you too trusting. People like this hunt for people like you. Learn as much as you can about sociopaths, what to look for. They are very charming. You are lucky you are leaving with just a broken heart. Many are left with broken hearts, ruined credit, bankrupt or in major debt, humiliated, their confidence and self esteem torn to shreds. These liars are not just liars, they are vampires of humanity and they won't stop until you're a shell of yoursellf.

Run away. Don't play with this. This is a very dangerous person.

[Anonymous]

All this drama over someone 4 hours away that you've "known" for all of two months and only met once? You obviously don't really know this person at all. My first thought with him disappearing overnight is that he's married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this drama over someone 4 hours away that you've "known" for all of two months and only met once? You obviously don't really know this person at all. My first thought with him disappearing overnight is that he's married.

If you have his first and last name, go on pipl.com and see what you can find. You may be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Im the previous poster who was taken for a ride 15 years ago but learned. Its so funny to me how easy online dating makes it to be truly selective in finding a mate. I signed up when online dating was fsirly new and i was blown away by how easy it nade meeting a wide selection of peoplen I had spent my late teens and twenties getting attached to jerk losers because I didnt have a huge selection of people to choose from the way my life was set up back then (predominantly female but coed university, female dominated career, living in new city that did not have an active singles community). My friends and I would go to a party or bar and think that if the guy was attractive, liked the same kind of music we did and ordered pizza from the same place that it was a signal a relationship was developing. Yup, desperate stupidity...no wonder I was preyed on.

Anyways, carefully vet the people you meet. In the age of technology, pipl, google, etc its so easy to verify what men claim. Dont spend too much time building a relationship online...if the guy sounds interesting, meet for a 1 hour coffee date.

Why do you think employers conduct background checks, proof of degrees and put new employees on a probationary period in the first 90 days? Anyone off the street can interview well...but totally lie about their credentials or interview well and just not be able to do the job very well. Yes, I really did just compare mate selection to hiring an employee...so sue me

Drop this psycho sketchy loser, take control of your dating life, stop waiting to be picked and get back online and also offline and keep searching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND

He's a guy you've seen in person once in 2 months. You live 4 hours apart. You text and email him a lot. This is not how adults have relationships. I can't believe you're 27. This sounds like a 17 year old--"But I thought this was the one!"

Drop this now. Move on.

Yeah, this too.

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