Online dating - men (especially successful men), how hard do you 'sell yourselves'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like receding hairlines and beer bellies?

If so go on a date ... I don't! To me a receding hairline and a bit of a beer belly means fat, bald, and impotent five years out.

This is why I am getting a hair transplant. I have some good things going for me but if women are son hung up on hair, If I don't do something, I am going to wind up alone.

Please do. The sooner the better!

Most women I know don't mind bald at all - wear it with confidence and a twinkle in your eye and you will be just fine.

Oh gosh I would and so would my friends. No baldish for me. It's just so incredibly unattractive.

[Anonymous]

^baldish=baldies

[Anonymous]

I didn't meet him online but my bad experience with a braggart - said he was an MD (he was a chiropractor who lost his license) said he ran a surgery center (he had been fired two years prior and was living on some girls couch) said he just moved to town (I never saw his place, he always came to mine.) He took me to nice restaurants and paid at first, then mysteriously "forgot his wallet" one night and thereafter. Then he was having "cash flow issues" wanted to borrow money which he said he would pay right back...... It's so easy to google people these days. This was years ago.....I know I know I was gullible, go ahead with the snarky remarks. sometimes these people are very convincing, and it didn't sound ridiculous while I was in it. It Is horrifying to me now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't meet him online but my bad experience with a braggart - said he was an MD (he was a chiropractor who lost his license) said he ran a surgery center (he had been fired two years prior and was living on some girls couch) said he just moved to town (I never saw his place, he always came to mine.) He took me to nice restaurants and paid at first, then mysteriously "forgot his wallet" one night and thereafter. Then he was having "cash flow issues" wanted to borrow money which he said he would pay right back...... It's so easy to google people these days. This was years ago.....I know I know I was gullible, go ahead with the snarky remarks. sometimes these people are very convincing, and it didn't sound ridiculous while I was in it. It Is horrifying to me now.

Yes, men can be very tricky and deceiving with women they are trying to be with. I think your advice to OP to be cautious is good.

Though I must say, the idea of this guy living on a coach and lying about being a doctor is kind of funny to me. Thank goodness you got out before he had his chance to really ingratiate himself into your life. He was obviously not a moral guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you met with the guy? How did it go? Is there a second date?

OP here.

I was right to be suspicious. He is, at the very least, a flake.

Date was supposed to be last Friday night (~10 days ago). I did not hear from him all day Thursday, which I thought was odd because he was planning the date and had been talking about really extravagant plans for it, which I had already told him to dial back, so surely picking a spot for drinks wouldn't be difficult. Thursday night (or Friday morning, I guess) he messaged me after midnight saying he was out on "the worst date ever."

At a normal time Friday morning I replied, said the date couldn't have been all that bad if he was still on it after midnight on a Thursday, and asked about our plans for that night. He asked what time I could meet (we were supposed to go for drinks after work, downtown). I told him, and he said OK great, he was going into a meeting but would message me when he got out of it. Heard nothing for the rest of the morning/afternoon. When the time I had said we could meet had passed, I sent a message saying that since I hadn't heard from him, I was headed out of downtown.

Several hours later he messaged me with "I bet you really hate me right now." That was the entire message. No apology, no explanation. I didn't reply, and haven't heard from him since.

The upshot: my gut is a good BS-detector.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like receding hairlines and beer bellies?

If so go on a date ... I don't! To me a receding hairline and a bit of a beer belly means fat, bald, and impotent five years out.

This is why I am getting a hair transplant. I have some good things going for me but if women are son hung up on hair, If I don't do something, I am going to wind up alone.

I am the OP of the thread, and in my response to the poster you quoted, I said I was just fine with balding, or bald. If you want to get transplants for yourself, go for it, but don't think that there are no women who will date you without them. Just don't do a comb-over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you met with the guy? How did it go? Is there a second date?

OP here.

I was right to be suspicious. He is, at the very least, a flake.

Date was supposed to be last Friday night (~10 days ago). I did not hear from him all day Thursday, which I thought was odd because he was planning the date and had been talking about really extravagant plans for it, which I had already told him to dial back, so surely picking a spot for drinks wouldn't be difficult. Thursday night (or Friday morning, I guess) he messaged me after midnight saying he was out on "the worst date ever."

At a normal time Friday morning I replied, said the date couldn't have been all that bad if he was still on it after midnight on a Thursday, and asked about our plans for that night. He asked what time I could meet (we were supposed to go for drinks after work, downtown). I told him, and he said OK great, he was going into a meeting but would message me when he got out of it. Heard nothing for the rest of the morning/afternoon. When the time I had said we could meet had passed, I sent a message saying that since I hadn't heard from him, I was headed out of downtown.

Several hours later he messaged me with "I bet you really hate me right now." That was the entire message. No apology, no explanation. I didn't reply, and haven't heard from him since.

The upshot: my gut is a good BS-detector.

Yes it is OP. I think you dodged a MAJOR bullet.

It made me think of this quote. I know you didnt have butterflies, but you certainly were nervous around him. Always listen to your gut.

[Anonymous]

Have you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker, OP?

I haven't read it myself. Have heard it recommended, but more to/by moms (I don't have any kids) so I always assumed it was more a book about how to keep your children safe. Not the case?

[Anonymous]

OP, he was probably on the "worst date ever" with his XBox and a bag of Doritos.

He's obviously some kind of pickup artist and he's pretty damn clumsy about it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker, OP?

I haven't read it myself. Have heard it recommended, but more to/by moms (I don't have any kids) so I always assumed it was more a book about how to keep your children safe. Not the case?

No, it's for women to protect themselves in general in life. Really life changing and amazing and so valuable when it comes to dating. It sounds like your intutiion went off and the book is all about refining it. Here is a clip of him on Oprah and it will give you a glimpse into the book:

Really quick read. I cannot urge you enough to read it.

[Anonymous]

Another:

[Anonymous]

OP, while in this case the guy did turn out to be a loser, I am glad that you have an open mind and seem to have a good head on your shoulders giving him the benefit of the doubt.

As a guy, online dating is tough. It's a numbers game. And so sometimes we get tempted to show off a bit in our profiles. I've been guilty of it but catch myself now. I like that you were aware enough to give him a chance because of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, while in this case the guy did turn out to be a loser, I am glad that you have an open mind and seem to have a good head on your shoulders giving him the benefit of the doubt.

As a guy, online dating is tough. It's a numbers game. And so sometimes we get tempted to show off a bit in our profiles. I've been guilty of it but catch myself now. I like that you were aware enough to give him a chance because of this.

Exactly, because guys send messages to anyone with a vagina and it perpetuates itself. But if a man is reasonably attractive and sociable once he meets someone, it can go far vs. women who usually have to wade through a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, while in this case the guy did turn out to be a loser, I am glad that you have an open mind and seem to have a good head on your shoulders giving him the benefit of the doubt.

As a guy, online dating is tough. It's a numbers game. And so sometimes we get tempted to show off a bit in our profiles. I've been guilty of it but catch myself now. I like that you were aware enough to give him a chance because of this.

OP here - thanks for this. I try to be reasonable/open-minded with the men I meet on there, as I know it's a different experience for you all than it is for us. It's nice to have that noticed/acknowledged.