Online dating - men (especially successful men), how hard do you 'sell yourselves'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he, OP? Just curious.

36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married now, but years ago I was on match.com and did pretty well (in that I met a lot of nice women with potential for relationship and had a lot of great sex. Probably slept with 20+ women in a 3 year stretch). My theory was to UNDERSELL. The goal is not to get dates, the goal is to get good dates. So I wanted the women the be happy when they met me in person. The WORST thing you can do is put an unrealistic picture, or lie about your age, etc., so that the date is underwhelmed when they meet you.

Exactly ...

My fun car is a classic 40 yr. old Porsche I've had for over 20 yrs. (belonged to my best friend who died in 1990 and I bought it from her daughter). I probably wouldn't even mention it or let a woman see it until at least the 3rd or 4th date because I don't want that to influence her reaction or assumptions about me, etc. Nor would I have mentioned the "flying private" thing, that's a brag of some proportion IMO no matter how you slice it. The 40 yr. old sailboat she'd get to see sooner, it's about the same value as a used Honda (an oldie but a goodie).

Sucker for a sailor. I can't imagine a more romantic first date. You and me on the high seas... drifting away from reality...

No offense, but is this supposed to be special? A hunk of junk and an old row boat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a pathological liar to me. My ex is very wealthy and he does not have to resort to online dating. Women flock to him like bees to honey. His bank account is a panty dropper.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

And OP once again. Thanks to all for the thoughtful advice (I'm not including comments on his pee-pee in the thoughtful category

Most of the things everyone has said are the things I've been puzzling over myself. Whether it's all lies or exaggerations, or if it's true, why he feels compelled to lead with it. I agree with the people who suggested under-promising and over-delivering, and that's kind of been my MO in general when dating, so I don't understand this.

I do think his relationship history will reveal some things (especially if he's recently single after a long relationship - that could explain why he's kind of desperate and selling himself hard) or, as others suggested, has a lot of short term relationships as that may suggest he just says all this to get laid and then moves on.

This won't be my first online date, and I am cautious. Will not be getting in his car, going to his house, etc. for the first date, or for a few after that, even if the first one goes well. That actually has nothing to do with how he's behaved - it's my m.o. for everyone I meet online. I do always send a friend whatever details I have about the guy, along with screenshots of his profile, and the time/place where we will be meeting before the date, with a plan to check in afterward, and I'll be doing the same with him.

As one poster said - he may just be a bit over-eager, or as I've been considering, like the human equivalent of a Labrador. All excited, jumping around, about everything. His messages are quite a bit like this - it isn't just his lifestyle he's enthusiastic about - when he describes anything there are a lot of very enthusiastic adjectives used.

And to the person who said I could order the steak without feeling guilty - I lol'ed at that. I actually dialed his first-date plan just back to drinks, but after I did, we were talking about a new steakhouse that just opened and he immediately said "well if the first date goes well we'll have to head there on one of the next ones" - so, a steak does have the potential to be in my future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a pathological liar to me. My ex is very wealthy and he does not have to resort to online dating. Women flock to him like bees to honey. His bank account is a panty dropper.

Bees make honey. They don't flock to it. Flocking is for birds, anyway. What a weird expression.

Whatever. He's rich and women are on him like white on rice, like a dog on a bone, like hookers on the Vegas Strip. Basically wealthy men aren't wasting their time on match or eharmony. He is 48. He can have a woman half is age if he wants, a woman who is a 10, he has his pick without turning to Anonymous strangers on the internet.

OP here - not that the age necessarily matters in terms of what his behavior says about him, but you may be getting two posts jumbled together in your head/response. He's not 48. He's 36.

[Anonymous]

To me, when a guy starts bragging about anything, I see red flags, plus it's just a turn off in general. I'd rather find stuff like that out slowly.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I don't know about this.

I met my husband online and I knew before I ever met him that he made a decent salary (though nowhere near OP's person). It didn't seem like he was trying to flaunt it. Impress me? MAYBE. I really got more the sense that he was just naive.

My favorite quote is "trust but verify".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a pathological liar to me. My ex is very wealthy and he does not have to resort to online dating. Women flock to him like bees to honey. His bank account is a panty dropper.

Bees make honey. They don't flock to it. Flocking is for birds, anyway. What a weird expression.

Whatever. He's rich and women are on him like white on rice, like a dog on a bone, like hookers on the Vegas Strip. Basically wealthy men aren't wasting their time on match or eharmony. He is 48. He can have a woman half is age if he wants, a woman who is a 10, he has his pick without turning to Anonymous strangers on the internet.

OP here - not that the age necessarily matters in terms of what his behavior says about him, but you may be getting two posts jumbled together in your head/response. He's not 48. He's 36.

Doesn't matter. Filthy rich guys do not turn to Internet dating. Especially not young ones. This guy is full of shit.

[Anonymous]

He's probably lying to get the date and you'll find out later it's all nonsense. Are you beautiful, OP?

If it is true, he still sounds lame for mentioning it.

[Anonymous]

Two issues - (1) if he has money, he is a superficial person who values a flashy lifestyle and is spending it as fast as he can make it; or (2) he has no money and is trying to BS you into being impressed.

This is not a person within whom I would waste my time dating.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy, not rich per se, low, low six figure income. I met my wife in college and have never online dated, but have some friends who have tried it. The consensus is that I would probably never get any dates, because I have a list of things I don't like that I'd feel compelled to state up front; I'm not much for wasting time.

Some of my friends have had a lot of success from it, whatever their motivation, and at least one wound up getting married. I don't believe any of them went the bragging route; I know I certainly wouldn't. Seems narcissistic to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's probably lying to get the date and you'll find out later it's all nonsense. Are you beautiful, OP?

If it is true, he still sounds lame for mentioning it.

OP here: Am I beautiful? I hate questions like this, because how do you objectively answer them about yourself, but I get the spirit in which it's asked. I am, empirically, better looking than he is. He lists his body type as having "a few extra pounds" and appears to have a little bit of a beer belly and a receding hairline in his photos.

And I agree that if it is true, it's lame to mention.

To be 100% clear here (not because the quoted poster suggested it, but just for everyone) - I'm not looking for a rich guy. I do well enough on my own (certainly not flying private, but am a professional, own my own home, etc.) and I met this guy on a mainstream website, not sugardaddy.com or whatever it's called. I probably wouldn't date a cashier from the supermarket, because I don't wish to finance someone else's life, but the last few guys I've been out with have been all over the place income-wise. One was in banking, another runs a non-profit, another was in sales. This week, I have dates planned with the over-seller, and a veterinarian. Coming from the perspective I am, I am obviously finding the lying (if it's not true) or bragging (if it is) about his lifestyle unnecessary/off-putting. However....

I keep hearing (even on this board) that online dating is difficult for men. That unless you are flashing your six-pack abs or your fancy car on your profile, the vast majority of women won't even respond to your messages. Some of the guys I work with and I have traded stories, and while I'm easily managing several dates with different men/month, nice, average-looking, professional guys (in particular, the two I know personally are a lawyer and an accountant) are lucky if they get one date every couple of months. Since the over-seller does not have six-pack abs, I'm wondering if bragging about his extravagant life is the only way he feels he can get a date. So I'm trying to keep an open mind for that reason, not because I'm really really hoping he is as rich as he sounds. Though at this point - the alternative - that he's a liar - is not really someone I see myself dating either.

[Anonymous]

Do you like receding hairlines and beer bellies?

If so go on a date ... I don't! To me a receding hairline and a bit of a beer belly means fat, bald, and impotent five years out.

[Anonymous]

Con artist looking for a sugar momma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you like receding hairlines and beer bellies?

If so go on a date ... I don't! To me a receding hairline and a bit of a beer belly means fat, bald, and impotent five years out.

I'm fine with the way he looks. Wouldn't have replied to his messages if I wasn't. To each their own, obviously, but bald doesn't bother me, and he's not even close to that yet. A bit of a beer belly is...life. I'm pretty lucky genetically with my weight, some other people aren't. He seems to be active, and personally, I'd rather have a guy who was willing to spend an hour having a glass of wine with me at the day than spend that hour at the gym making sure his stomach's flat.