Online dating - men (especially successful men), how hard do you 'sell yourselves'?
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Anonymous
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I'm a female who has got a date scheduled this week with a guy I've been messaging with for about 10 days. He's very forthcoming about details about his (allegedly excellent) life. It doesn't even really come across like he's bragging, but he's just very different than anyone I've encountered thus far.
Again, all I can go on at this point is what he says, but he appears to be very well-off. Suggesting some really extravagant dates, mentioning that he 'flew private' back from his Christmas vacation, etc. Now, from what I do know about him and his career, it's entirely possible he would have amassed the means and connections to do these things. He's said I'll be his first online date, so perhaps he just isn't cautious, but if this is all true, it seems like he should be wary of putting it all out there to avoid gold-diggers. Like, even if you can do all of that, would you tell someone (in messages, his profile doesn't mention it) that you haven't even met yet? A lot of women would date him just for the 'perks' even if they weren't all that interested in him. I've had friends say I am stupid for even questioning this, and that he is just trying to impress me, and it's sweet. I guess I just question whether he might be insecure about something else, or that he expects that I will be so knocked off my feet by the extravagance that I will automatically want to have a relationship with him. It's not like I expect him to take me to McDonalds on a first date to see if I really 'like him for him' before revealing his true situation. He enjoys nicer restaurants, and so do I, and that's fine. We talked about some of our favorite meals in our messages. It's just that I think some of the revelations (like flying private) weren't necessary. So, men of DCUM, what say you? If you are a man of 'means' who is online dating, how early does it come up? Why does it come up? Just because it's your lifestyle, and you don't think twice about mentioning it? Or because you are trying to impress a woman? Were you less cautious/aware in your early forays into online dating about revealing information that might open you up to gold-diggers? |
Anonymous
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He's trying to impress you. I would be wary. Let's hope he's a genuine guy. But I must say, if he's been acting this way and been single for a while- well, I think that's a red flag. Most people would be happy to put up with some bad behaviors if their partner could give them a life of flying on private jets and extravagant vacations and everything. So if he is still single despite all that, and has been for a while, I think that suggests that he either has some serious personality issues or flaunts his money and the promise of his lifestyle to get into women's pants and then drops em.
But I hope, for your sake, that this guy is trustworthy and just naive and hopefully a great match for you. Just be smart and use your judgement! But have fun- hopefully he will take you somewhere really great for the first date and you wont have to worry about offending him if you want to get the steak! Yum. |
Anonymous
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Could be true, but my sense is that it is not. Flying private is just too much of a subtle brag to ring true to me. The best lies to tell are the ones when we give the target a small subtle lie and then let them build the story we want them to believe around that lie themselves.
Who knows - maybe he's all that ... and a bag of chips, but I'm not feeling it. Also, beware of the guys that can't disclosed what they do for a living because they work for the CIA. There's always a few of those around too! Who knows, maybe Mr. Wonderful really is wonderful!?!? I hope so, good luck! Just be careful and keep your guard up until you confirm the stories you've been told "Trust ... but verify" |
Anonymous
| I would be wary, at the very least. Even if it is true (which I would question) it's not a very attractive or self aware quality to reveal it all like this. |
Anonymous
| Odds are he doesn't trust you any more than you trust him and he probably intentionally made mention of flying private to gauge your reaction and see if you are indeed a gold-digger. |
Anonymous
| How old is he, OP? Just curious. |
Anonymous
There's nothing subtle about it. It's an outright boast. I know many very rich people. They don't talk that way or rub other people's noses in their money. |
Anonymous
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Narcissist! Yes he is trying to impress you, but clearly something doesn't seem genuine to you if you are posting here. Go on the date, but listen to your gut.
Couple of possibilities: 1) Rich abusive ahole (tells you what you want to hear) 2) Bankrupt abusive ahole (make sure job matches lifestyle) 3) Pathological liar (ask details and see if it matches what he told you) 4) Normal, married rich guy (lol) |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a pathological liar to me. My ex is very wealthy and he does not have to resort to online dating. Women flock to him like bees to honey. His bank account is a panty dropper. |
Anonymous
Bees make honey. They don't flock to it. Flocking is for birds, anyway. What a weird expression. |
Anonymous
| you're not his first online date. |
Anonymous
| Do you really have to ask, OP? |
Anonymous
| All online daters are losers period including the sociopathic men trying to sell themselves and the paranoid schizophrenic women trying to shop for "Mr Right". |
Anonymous
+1 to each their own, but it probably would've stopped communicating when he started talking about flying private. I think anyone who speaks about their privileges to wealth to strangers are the worst and lack even basic manners. |
Anonymous
Whatever. He's rich and women are on him like white on rice, like a dog on a bone, like hookers on the Vegas Strip. Basically wealthy men aren't wasting their time on match or eharmony. He is 48. He can have a woman half is age if he wants, a woman who is a 10, he has his pick without turning to Anonymous strangers on the internet. |