In-laws, grandkids and allergies. Who is being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws only have a 3 bedroom house (and one room is an office). I've always wondered what happens when they have grandkids and my SIL gets married. If the answer is that we're sleeping on the floor, I will never visit.

3 bedrooms - so ILs in theirs, your family in another, and if they manage to put together a guest bed or pull out couch for the home office, that's for the other family. How many rooms do you need allocated to your family for free in order to visit? We've got a family of four and still go stay in my old childhood room when visiting my parents. My parents go a pack n play and we make it work.

[Anonymous]

There is absolutely no doubt here: health comes first. Always. Your husband needs to back you up. You need to be open and honest with your inlaws, explain and tell them why you MUST stay at a hotel - that it's not a choice you are making but that, especially after the experience last year, you now know for certain that your allergies do not allow you to stay in their house. And then just do it. Stay in the hotel.

[Anonymous]

So what are you doing OP? Update, please.

[Anonymous]

why did I read this post for? this post makes me angry...if this was my family there will be no trip.

[Anonymous]

Can your in-laws make a cat free room for you and your daughter to sleep in? My mom is very allergic to cats and can at least be in my house now that I have no curtains, hard wood floors everywhere, and two IQAir purifiers. I run my roombas before she comes over. As long as she doesn't actually touch the cats or go near their litter boxes, she is ok. I keep an epipen and benadryl around just in case she has a reaction, but she has been ok during her past two visits.

That being said, if I had a child who required an inhaler due to cat exposure, I would insist the whole family sleep in a hotel and just spend the day with the grandparents. I don't think the children should be separated (i.e. I don't think you and your allergic daughter should sleep in a hotel while the rest of the family stays with the inlaws).

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, but your husband is a straight up asshole. It's bad enough he won't stand up for his wife, but to disregard the health of his OWN CHILD is really just beyond the pale. Have you pointed out to him what a shitty father he is?

Ugh. This just makes me furious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with severe allergies, I just take a Zyrtec (or two) and deal with it. It's not a reason to avoid a family on a holiday.

Zyrtec does not work for people with severe cat allergies. It's like telling someone with nut allergies to eat peanuts b/c they took Zyrtec.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. DO NOT STAY THERE. I suffer from cat allergies (complete with an epi pen) and my MIL doesn't believe me. My allergist offered to write her a note but I said no.

One X-mas many years ago, she refused to ask her other son and his fat ass girlfriend to wash their clothes before coming to their house. I inhaled the cat hair off the girlfriend's sweater and then spent the x-mas even holed up in DH's childhood bedroom which has practically no insulation. Cat dander is ubiquitous and very hard to avoid when you walk into a home where there are cats. Once you are exposed to an allergen your body can become extra sensitive to other allergies. When I am exposed to cat hair my throat closes up and I can't breathe which can trigger asthma like symptoms.

People who don't understand this like your ILs need to fuck off. Asking someone who is allergic to cat hair to sleep on the floor is insane.

Protect your child!

Who asks people to wash their clothes before coming over?

I meant to wash their clothes that they were bringing across country. They have cat hair all over their clothing. Haven't you seen cat/dog owners with hair all over their clothes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your in-laws make a cat free room for you and your daughter to sleep in? My mom is very allergic to cats and can at least be in my house now that I have no curtains, hard wood floors everywhere, and two IQAir purifiers. I run my roombas before she comes over. As long as she doesn't actually touch the cats or go near their litter boxes, she is ok. I keep an epipen and benadryl around just in case she has a reaction, but she has been ok during her past two visits.

That being said, if I had a child who required an inhaler due to cat exposure, I would insist the whole family sleep in a hotel and just spend the day with the grandparents. I don't think the children should be separated (i.e. I don't think you and your allergic daughter should sleep in a hotel while the rest of the family stays with the inlaws).

listen to yourself. you keep an epi pen in case your mother goes into anaphylactic shock and you need to stab her with it just so she can be in your house?

[Anonymous]

OP here and just wanted to say thank you to everyone! We've check in to a hotel and I told DH that the kids would be staying with me and that if he felt the need to stay with his parents for part of the stay he should feel free to do so. Boy that felt good.

Thanks especially to PPs who reminded me of all the pain of getting cat dander off of stuff. It's such a traumatic memory that I almost forgot how I had to bag all the clothes, blankets, etc. up in plastic bags, spend hours wiping down the suitcases, Xmas gifts (toys, etc.), dry-clean all our coats, etc. It took me two weeks before I was done and it was a really rotten way to spend my vacation with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update OP! Sounds like you're happy with the way you handled it.

Where is your husband staying? What did he decide?

[Anonymous]

DH and allergy sufferer here. Your husband is being a jerk, doubtlessly he cannot relate but no way.

[Anonymous]

DW and fellow cat and dog allergy sufferer here - I am glad you are sleeping in a hotel. when I am in the house of someone with cats, I am red eyed, itchy and miserable the whole time (even having taken allergy meds) and it doesn't go away the minute I leave - so even just spending the afternoon at ILs will probably cause you and DD discomfort, so you are already compromising! I think those without allergies don't understand how rotten it feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone with severe allergies, I just take a Zyrtec (or two) and deal with it. It's not a reason to avoid a family on a holiday.

Zyrtec does not work for people with severe cat allergies. It's like telling someone with nut allergies to eat peanuts b/c they took Zyrtec.

I was the pp you quoted. I have severe cat and dog allergies. I'm still visiting my in laws and their dog. I might be groggy from the Zyrtec, but I'm there? I'm still hoping for the cure for allergies! I have tried everything. And Zyrtec makes me forget words and generally feel dumb/blunted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and just wanted to say thank you to everyone! We've check in to a hotel and I told DH that the kids would be staying with me and that if he felt the need to stay with his parents for part of the stay he should feel free to do so. Boy that felt good.

Thanks especially to PPs who reminded me of all the pain of getting cat dander off of stuff. It's such a traumatic memory that I almost forgot how I had to bag all the clothes, blankets, etc. up in plastic bags, spend hours wiping down the suitcases, Xmas gifts (toys, etc.), dry-clean all our coats, etc. It took me two weeks before I was done and it was a really rotten way to spend my vacation with the kids.

Good for you! I must say I find it shocking that your dh wanted you and your dd to say in that house again. Sorry but he sounds like a jerk.