In-laws, grandkids and allergies. Who is being unreasonable?
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Anonymous
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Last year when we visited the in-laws for the holidays I wanted to stay in a hotel with our three kids (all under 10). They have cats and my daughter and I are severely allergic. DH assured me that he had talked to his parents and they would limit the cats to the finished basement during our stay of two days. Well as soon as we get there the cats are everywhere. DH tells me his parents have actually decided it's "too mean" to lock the cats in for two days and they don't think it'll be "too bad" for us. Well within about 5 minutes, my daughter and I are a mess. We take our allergy meds, put in eye drops, and use our inhalers but our eyes are still swollen red, itchy and we're go through a tissue box every hour or so from blowing our noses. I try to be a good sport but it is very stressful and I feel like crap. The in-laws notice the sneezing, runny noses, etc. but ignore it and never make a single comment about it. Luckily our daughter is distracted by all the presents and is pretty happy despite everything.
This year I would really like for our family to stay in a hotel. It's really a hit to our budget but to me it's better than having a repeat of last year. The other issue is that the in-laws don't have extra beds so our family has to camp out on the carpet (think: dander everywhere). DH is insisting we stay with his parents again despite the allergies issue, saying they will be really "hurt" if we don't but that he can't do anything about the cats. DD with allergies also wants the hotel but the two other kids don't seem to care either way. DH's back up plan is for him and our two other kids to stay at the in-laws and for us to stay in the hotel but I really can't stand the idea of our family being split up for Christmas. Help! |
Anonymous
Are you still going to be a mess just hanging out at their house all day before going to sleep at the hotel? My brother has ridiculous allergies- he wouldn't even want to spend the afternoon at someone's house with a cat. I say stay home. 
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Anonymous
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Your DH is being unreasonable. You are your daughter are allergic to cats and should absolutely limit your exposure. My vote is to all sleep in one hotel room. Spend time with the in-laws during the day and suffer but then come back to a hotel room to sleep and recover.
BTW, even if your in-laws had locked up the cats, it probably wouldn't have made a difference - the dander is everywhere. |
Anonymous
I agree with this too- the dander is everywhere. |
Anonymous
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Woman up and tell your husband that either you get a hotel room or you and your daughter and the other kids are NOT going, at all.
Your daughter requires an inhaler. That means it's closing her airway. Allergic reactions are unpredictable and can get worse. She could have a very severe reaction without warning. In the meantime, she is sick and miserable. That's negligent on DH's part and his parents' part. They need to grow up and get over it. |
Anonymous
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I like the split up idea. It is accommodating to everyone- the two other kids get more time with their grandparents.
I wouldn't look at it like you're apart for Christmas- you're just sleeping somewhere else. No biggie. Also, for visiting during the day, look at bringing an air filter so some of the dander will be cleared out. |
Anonymous
| Hotel. The grandparents' feelings are going to have to come second, since they are prioritizing the CATS' feelings over their own family's comfort. |
Anonymous
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Yes, stay in a hotel. The fact that you have to bust out inhalers is serious...and the allergy issue should be abundantly apparent to everyone. The fact that they don't sympathize (your husband and his parents) is appalling....unless of course you are exaggerating your reaction to the cats.
Why can't they keep the damn cats downstairs? Although their hair will still be everywhere I suppose. But apparently they care more about the cats than their family. Not only would I stay in a hotel...I'd also minimize time spent in their house. |
Anonymous
| Hotel. Maybe I'm a bit militant about this, but I draw the line at suffering physical discomfort just for the sake of family togetherness. To me that includes being made to sleep on the floor - and it DEFINITELY means having an allergy triggered by people who place cats above the health of their own grandchild! Stay in the hotel and don't think of it a second longer. Next year do Christmas at your own house. Grandparents can come to you if they feel like it. |
Anonymous
| Hotel. Your husband needs to understand that this is a significant thing, and he needs to stay with you and all your kids at the hotel. I would also minimize time spent in the in-laws' house. |
Anonymous
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Hotel and another conversation with you and husband present , speaker phone or whatever , where you ask again for the cats to stay in the basement .
"At the advice of daughters pediatrician , we are supposed to limit exposure to cats and are wondering what you can do to help her ." Something like that , I'm sure someone else can phrase it better but YOU need to be on that phone call . DH dropped the ball last time |
Anonymous
| No way. Hotel or stay home. ALL of you. Put your foot down, this is about your child. |
Anonymous
| If you're doing a hotel, ALL of your family needs to stay there. Show the IL's that you and DH are a united front when it comes to the health of your family. |
Anonymous
| I don't usually say things like this, but I think your dh is an a-hole. |
Anonymous
| Another no way. Cat dander is everywhere and is very allergenic to those with a problem. You just cannot do it. Other people can be very non understanding about this issue. Cats also can be very destructive when they are angry, so they probably trashed the basement b/c they were mad. So the ILs feel you can just put in some drops and it will be OK -- but it won't. |