In-laws, grandkids and allergies. Who is being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you still going to be a mess just hanging out at their house all day before going to sleep at the hotel? My brother has ridiculous allergies- he wouldn't even want to spend the afternoon at someone's house with a cat. I say stay home.

+1 my brother can't even spend a lot time sitting next to a cat owner, let alone visit their home! Whole family in hotel or home. Do not let your DH ostracize your daughter for her allergies. It's not her fault and the family has to stick with her and stick up of her (you too, but you're a big girl). To 15:17 -- it is a biggie to a kid to be left out because of a medal issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year when we visited the in-laws for the holidays I wanted to stay in a hotel with our three kids (all under 10). They have cats and my daughter and I are severely allergic. DH assured me that he had talked to his parents and they would limit the cats to the finished basement during our stay of two days. Well as soon as we get there the cats are everywhere. DH tells me his parents have actually decided it's "too mean" to lock the cats in for two days and they don't think it'll be "too bad" for us. Well within about 5 minutes, my daughter and I are a mess. We take our allergy meds, put in eye drops, and use our inhalers but our eyes are still swollen red, itchy and we're go through a tissue box every hour or so from blowing our noses. I try to be a good sport but it is very stressful and I feel like crap. The in-laws notice the sneezing, runny noses, etc. but ignore it and never make a single comment about it. Luckily our daughter is distracted by all the presents and is pretty happy despite everything.

This year I would really like for our family to stay in a hotel. It's really a hit to our budget but to me it's better than having a repeat of last year. The other issue is that the in-laws don't have extra beds so our family has to camp out on the carpet (think: dander everywhere). DH is insisting we stay with his parents again despite the allergies issue, saying they will be really "hurt" if we don't but that he can't do anything about the cats. DD with allergies also wants the hotel but the two other kids don't seem to care either way. DH's back up plan is for him and our two other kids to stay at the in-laws and for us to stay in the hotel but I really can't stand the idea of our family being split up for Christmas.

Help!

Help??? It's December 21. Stop being passive about this. After the experience of last Christmas, I would have made it clear that the family is NOT returning, let alone going to stay in a hotel. But if you must insist on traveling to the in-laws, then at the very least OP, a hotel reservation would have already been made. This is a no brainer. Step up. If you choose to stay at your in-laws, then you forfeit the right to complain, vent or be bothered by any of it.

Make the reservation NOW.

[Anonymous]

Do they have carpet? It is unwise to allow any pets on carpeted surfaces that cannot be cleaned. Responsible owners only let pets on hard surfaces that can be cleaned.

[Anonymous]

OP what did you decide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cats are filthy and disgusting animals. Anyone who let's them live indoors is mentally ill. Same the dogs.

Are you Asian?

[Anonymous]

I would have thrown a hissy fit before even agreeing to go there. Let the ILs come to you. Husband is no longer a child and should put his family first. Why go at all if you have to avoid the cats in a hotel by yourselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year when we visited the in-laws for the holidays I wanted to stay in a hotel with our three kids (all under 10). They have cats and my daughter and I are severely allergic. DH assured me that he had talked to his parents and they would limit the cats to the finished basement during our stay of two days. Well as soon as we get there the cats are everywhere. DH tells me his parents have actually decided it's "too mean" to lock the cats in for two days and they don't think it'll be "too bad" for us. Well within about 5 minutes, my daughter and I are a mess. We take our allergy meds, put in eye drops, and use our inhalers but our eyes are still swollen red, itchy and we're go through a tissue box every hour or so from blowing our noses. I try to be a good sport but it is very stressful and I feel like crap. The in-laws notice the sneezing, runny noses, etc. but ignore it and never make a single comment about it. Luckily our daughter is distracted by all the presents and is pretty happy despite everything.

This year I would really like for our family to stay in a hotel. It's really a hit to our budget but to me it's better than having a repeat of last year. The other issue is that the in-laws don't have extra beds so our family has to camp out on the carpet (think: dander everywhere). DH is insisting we stay with his parents again despite the allergies issue, saying they will be really "hurt" if we don't but that he can't do anything about the cats. DD with allergies also wants the hotel but the two other kids don't seem to care either way. DH's back up plan is for him and our two other kids to stay at the in-laws and for us to stay in the hotel but I really can't stand the idea of our family being split up for Christmas.

Help!

Uh, gross.

[Anonymous]

OMG. DO NOT STAY THERE. I suffer from cat allergies (complete with an epi pen) and my MIL doesn't believe me. My allergist offered to write her a note but I said no.

One X-mas many years ago, she refused to ask her other son and his fat ass girlfriend to wash their clothes before coming to their house. I inhaled the cat hair off the girlfriend's sweater and then spent the x-mas even holed up in DH's childhood bedroom which has practically no insulation. Cat dander is ubiquitous and very hard to avoid when you walk into a home where there are cats. Once you are exposed to an allergen your body can become extra sensitive to other allergies. When I am exposed to cat hair my throat closes up and I can't breathe which can trigger asthma like symptoms.

People who don't understand this like your ILs need to fuck off. Asking someone who is allergic to cat hair to sleep on the floor is insane.

Protect your child!

[Anonymous]

Stay in a hotel, why is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

Oh my. Your DH is being 100% unreasonable. I love cats, but my DH is super allergic. My mother re-homed her cats when we got married so that he could spend time at her house without dying. We don't even spend the night! It's been 4 years without cats in the house and my DH STILL has a minor reaction when we go over. So basically, even locking up the cats would do nothing for you.

It needs to be hotel or no visit. Cats are not more important than people. Repeat as needed.

[Anonymous]

Other people sometimes just don't get it. At my mothers house (after she died) the dust and dust mites were awful. I got that terrifying "I cant breathe!" feeling after about 40 minutes and I just could not stay there. My whole head felt like a lead balloon. There is no way I would consider feeling like that as OK for myself or my child on a Holiday.

[Anonymous]

Our cats became outdoor cats for this very reason - my aunt and cousin could not visit our home for even a few minutes without having a reaction. My cousin was hospitalized one Thanksgiving due to this. Even after we gave the cats away, it wasn't until we installed hardwood floors and replaced the carpet in the basement that my aunt's family could comfortably visit again.

OP I would not subject yourself and your daughter to this, how miserable! I like the AirBnB suggestion, or simply stay home. Your DH and in-laws need to understand!

[Anonymous]

As someone with severe allergies, I just take a Zyrtec (or two) and deal with it. It's not a reason to avoid a family on a holiday.

[Anonymous]

Stay in hotel and meet up outside the home. Have family activities that don't put two family members at risk. Based on your description, I am not confident they will clean the house of dander.

[Anonymous]

WTF?
Why would your DH be ok with this