Settle a debate. Which is worse: emotional or physical affair?

[Anonymous]

"I don't love him, honey. I simply lick his ass."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An EA is not a crush. I have a married man who happens to be a good friend and work colleague trying to have an EA with me. His wife would be devestated if she heard what he says to me. I have no doubt that if I encouraged him the EA would turn into a PA in no time at all.

He's clearly enamored with me and has actively compared me to his wife and she doesn't come out looking so good (in his eyes because I'm sure there are two sides). I would not be suprised if he thinks in his head he's in love with me.

Being on this side of it, I would be crushed if my DH was trying to bond with another person on that intimate of a level.

It sounds like you're having an emotional affair already.

[Anonymous]

Female here. It would depend on the situation, I think I'd be more bothered by the emotional affair. if I'm married to someone, I'm supposed to be the person he's emotionally closest to. If he was in an emotional affair, he might feel closer to that person than me, which calls our entire marriage into question.

Whereas if he had a completely physical affair, I would be pissed - very pissed - but I kind of think some men do foolish things when their penises are involved, and I might be more able to forgive that. I don't know. I wouldn't be too thrilled about either scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For men, physical because it puts into question bedroom performance and penis size. For women, emotional because they fear a DH falling in love with someone else.

Really? If a woman cheats on a man he questions his penis size?

Man here. It has nothing to do with penis size. There's someone who trolls DCUM that's obsessed with penis size. Women, correct me if I'm wrong, but how many of you have or would have an extra- marital affair simply due to penis size? Men, how many of you assume women have affairs because of penis size?

On thread: to me, an emotional affair would be harder, but either would suck. Emotional affairs consume the APs 24/7 and are, IMO, harder to resolve and step away from.

Woman here agreeing with you. The troll is ridiculous, and just stupid in this case. The only way a woman would ever find out a lover's penis size is because he had already gotten naked with him - the choice to cheat/have an affair must necessarily predate finding out about the penis size/how good he is in bed. The only possible way the troll's scenario could be true is if the woman chooses to have an affair with someone she'd already been intimate with in the past, and thus knew their size and performance.

Yeah, cause no woman has ever cheated on her husband with a past lover. And no one has ever exchanged racy pictures where penis size is obvious before having an affair. You're right, penis size has nothing to do with anything, ever.

I addressed your first comment in my post that you replied to. To your second, by the time racy pictures are being exchanged, the affair/cheating is already underway, even if it isn't physical yet. In summary, yes, I am right, and you are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Female here. I believe that a physical affair would be worse, as I have experienced my DH in an emotional affair a few years back. I have no doubt that if it hadn't stopped, it would have progressed to a physical affair. That, along with all the personal things that were shared, would have just torn me apart since I considered her a friend.

The emotional affair I only found out about after my husband started acting off around me for months. Constantly texting on his phone while trying to relax together, writing poetry that he didn't show to me (which he used to do for me when we first started dating years ago). Eventually I looked at his email and saw that he was sending it all to her, poems about lost love and what-ifs. Texts about missing each other and wanted to get together for lunch alone; tons of flirting, etc. We all hung out a lot because his best friend was trying to get in a relationship with her.

This led to me checking his phone and finding him sharing things about our marriage, and things he never told me before. The way they were talking was just a huge flashback to when he and I had just started dating and were getting to know everything about each other.

Once I found out and confronted him, he immediately realized he was getting in too deep with her and backed away. If it had gotten to be physical...I don't think I would have stayed because it would have just broken every bond of trust we had.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

11:27, the key is why he confided in her and not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For men, physical because it puts into question bedroom performance and penis size. For women, emotional because they fear a DH falling in love with someone else.

This is right. I had an affair because H sucked (no pun intended) in the bedroom. Our connection was okay, obviously not great, but I strayed for physical satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For men, physical because it puts into question bedroom performance and penis size. For women, emotional because they fear a DH falling in love with someone else.

This is right. I had an affair because H sucked (no pun intended) in the bedroom. Our connection was okay, obviously not great, but I strayed for physical satisfaction.

Yep. And if a woman feels like she settled with her husband, especially in that area, this is more likely to happen.

[Anonymous]

Ultimately, it depends on who you married. My DH has been through a divorce because of an affair that may or may not have been physical. His ex wife denied actual sex happened but she admitted to sexual emails, masturbation over the phone, gifts of lingerie, and trips to see the guy out of town. That was enough to end the marriage. DH says he was prepared to forgive a one time sexual encounter but the humiliation of a prolonged relationship with a person who was supposedly a friend to them both was too much for him to deal with.

[Anonymous]

They both suck. People are assholes that do either to a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Physical, since there is no such thing as an emotional affair.

Bullshit. Finding e-mails between your husband and an ex-girlfriend where he is calling he loving nicknames and stating "I love yous". Is an emotional affair. The emotional connection is much harder to get over because its in his head and his thoughts all day long and his heart. Physical is over in 30-45 seconds and is meeting a physical need, it could mean nothing. But emotiional is huge because it means SOMETHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:27, the key is why he confided in her and not you.

easy= because he is a coward

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For men, physical because it puts into question bedroom performance and penis size. For women, emotional because they fear a DH falling in love with someone else.

This is right. I had an affair because H sucked (no pun intended) in the bedroom. Our connection was okay, obviously not great, but I strayed for physical satisfaction.

Yep. And if a woman feels like she settled with her husband, especially in that area, this is more likely to happen.

I'm the affair PP. I didn't feel like I settled, I just grew up sexually after I got married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For men, physical because it puts into question bedroom performance and penis size. For women, emotional because they fear a DH falling in love with someone else.

This is right. I had an affair because H sucked (no pun intended) in the bedroom. Our connection was okay, obviously not great, but I strayed for physical satisfaction.

Yep. And if a woman feels like she settled with her husband, especially in that area, this is more likely to happen.

I'm the affair PP. I didn't feel like I settled, I just grew up sexually after I got married

Did you try to grow with him in the bedroom? I mean I think it's fair to say that if you start dating someone in your eat 20's, how do you know what they will want in their 40's?