Dating Newly Sober Alcoholic(?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks again for all the advice. I appreciate all the insights.

He's not moving in just because his lease is up. He's at my house more than half the week and we felt it didn't make sense to pay for a place he's not at for another year when we are trying to save $$ for other things. He could absolutely sign a new lease. I'm the one who wants a new/bigger house. Saving ourselves from a 2nd set of housing expenses in the DC area for another year would be huge.

The confusion/misunderstanding I'm having is that his drinking hasn't caused problems. He doesn't drink daily or hide when he drinks or blackout. He's not violent or abusive. He doesn't spend all our money on alcohol. He isn't getting in trouble. He doesn't miss work or skip out on things. His issue with drinking is not cutting himself off before he gets frat-boy drunk (I don't know how else to describe it...obnoxious? boisterous?)

Like I said, I've never knowingly been around an alcoholic, so his symptoms weren't computing to me as him being an alcoholic, just a binge drinker. (Is a binge drinker automatically an alcoholic?) He doesn't do or act in any of the ways you typically hear or imagine someone with alcoholism does. So, I really hope it doesn't seem like I'm downplaying it...I'm just trying to process all this new information.

OP, another thing to consider. Does your bf have any addicts in his family? That's another red flag when coupled with his behavior because that increases the likelihood that your bf is an alcoholic. Also, if you have kids you will have to educate your kids so that they realize they may be prone to addiction when they grow up. I suggest reading about alcoholism so you can get a better understanding of how it works. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

While I can see him asking you to not drink when he is w/you, he still does not even have the right to ask you not to drink at all even when he is in your presence. I just wouldn't do it as a courtesy to him.

No one has a right to tell anyone what to do or not to do. Plain and simple.

Bottom line: Whether you are in his presence or not, you can do what you want. Eat and drink what you want. You are a grown woman and can make your own choices in life.

What he is asking of you is going into controlling territory and I don't like it.