Dad walking "daughter" down the aisle

[Anonymous]

OP, it must have been very hard for you to not have your dad at home while you were growing up, and harder still to see his partner's child getting the day-to-day fathering that you craved. Your sense of displacement is valid.

As a prior poster said, if you had a sister, would it bother you if he walked her down the aisle first? If not, this isn't about wanting to go first, it is about feeling like the partner's daughter got something from your dad that you didn't get and means something to him that you don't (because he raised her on a day-to-day basis). I get that.

Try to remember that you are his bloodline. You already have a relationship with him that she can never have. Also, the fact that he had her and her mother in his life probably made him a healthier and happier person, and perhaps that made him a better father to you. It's hard, but you need to act in kindness here, and try to embrace the happiness of the moment for your father.

If you choose to talk to your dad about your feelings of displacement, be sure to clarify that you WANT him to walk her down the aisle because it is the right thing to do; you're just feeling a little jealous and struggling with the fact that they have a relationship that you couldn't have with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it must have been very hard for you to not have your dad at home while you were growing up, and harder still to see his partner's child getting the day-to-day fathering that you craved. Your sense of displacement is valid.

As a prior poster said, if you had a sister, would it bother you if he walked her down the aisle first? If not, this isn't about wanting to go first, it is about feeling like the partner's daughter got something from your dad that you didn't get and means something to him that you don't (because he raised her on a day-to-day basis). I get that.

Try to remember that you are his bloodline. You already have a relationship with him that she can never have.


Also, the fact that he had her and her mother in his life probably made him a healthier and happier person, and perhaps that made him a better father to you. It's hard, but you need to act in kindness here, and try to embrace the happiness of the moment for your father.

If you choose to talk to your dad about your feelings of displacement, be sure to clarify that you WANT him to walk her down the aisle because it is the right thing to do; you're just feeling a little jealous and struggling with the fact that they have a relationship that you couldn't have with him.

And to this I'll say: love isn't a competition. Someone loving someone else (eat. Your dada leaving your step sister) doesn't make them love you love you any less. Your stepsister having a beautiful wedding first doesn't make yours any less. Your competition is only in your head. Live your life and have the merits of your wedding because of you, not because you're competing for glory or love).

One of you being happy does not negate the other person's happiness.

OP, I suspect you never came to terms with your parents divorce. It had nothings to do with you, your worth, or your future. They could t love each other. It's not your fault.

They love you, just maybe not together, at the same time. Don't punish your stepsister for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it must have been very hard for you to not have your dad at home while you were growing up, and harder still to see his partner's child getting the day-to-day fathering that you craved. Your sense of displacement is valid.

As a prior poster said, if you had a sister, would it bother you if he walked her down the aisle first? If not, this isn't about wanting to go first, it is about feeling like the partner's daughter got something from your dad that you didn't get and means something to him that you don't (because he raised her on a day-to-day basis). I get that.

Try to remember that you are his bloodline. You already have a relationship with him that she can never have.


Also, the fact that he had her and her mother in his life probably made him a healthier and happier person, and perhaps that made him a better father to you. It's hard, but you need to act in kindness here, and try to embrace the happiness of the moment for your father.

If you choose to talk to your dad about your feelings of displacement, be sure to clarify that you WANT him to walk her down the aisle because it is the right thing to do; you're just feeling a little jealous and struggling with the fact that they have a relationship that you couldn't have with him.

And to this I'll say: love isn't a competition. Someone loving someone else (eat. Your dada leaving your step sister) doesn't make them love you love you any less. Your stepsister having a beautiful wedding first doesn't make yours any less. Your competition is only in your head. Live your life and have the merits of your wedding because of you, not because you're competing for glory or love).

One of you being happy does not negate the other person's happiness.

OP, I suspect you never came to terms with your parents divorce. It had nothings to do with you, your worth, or your future. They could t love each other. It's not your fault.

They love you, just maybe not together, at the same time. Don't punish your stepsister for that.

Sharing a bloodline doesn't create an exclusive type of relationship. Blood makes relatives but it does not make family. Parents can love step children and adopted children and have just a strong a bond with them as parents of biological children. Sharing a bloodline with her father does not make her the special or better daughter or "real" daughter.

OP needs to realize that her sister can also cultivate a special relationship with her father but it doesn't take anything away from her relationship with her father. Love is not a competition. OP should be glad b/c if it were she might very well be losing points due to her jealousy.

OP, ypu really need to take a look at this from everyone else's point of view and stop feeling the way do are ASAP. If you don't you willl likely succeed in isolating yourself from the rest of your family, including your dad. No one needs your negative energy right now, least of all you. Let her have her special day and then you have yours. Don't use your wedding to prove a point. It would be a terrible way to start of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a bitter bitch. You are probably the bitter baby mom writing this thread pretending to be the daughter. Smh. Grow up no one likes you.

OMG this is a horrible thing to say? Why did OP step into a shark tank of crazy DCUM people?!

OP - I did not read past the first page, but just explain your feelings to your dad, you don't have to ask him not to do it. You may feel better letting him know you are a little sad. When the time comes from you, I'm sure it will be special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I expected most of these comments. To answer some of the posters comments, no I'm not single. I've been dating a guy for almost a year now. I'm the younger "sister", but my dads only child. I guess you would have to be in my shoes to understand why I feel this way. It may be selfish and I may need to grow up, but this may be something I may not get over. I guess I will have to make my day extra special if that day ever comes for me.

You will be getting married. How is anything you do going to make it more special?

How old are you?

That line stood out to me too. OP, if you're thinking of weddings (yours, what's basically your step-sister, or anyone else) as a "my special day," then you are far to immature to even consider getting married. Wedding should be about a celebration of the union between you and your partner. About a commitment. Not about some special princess party where you're the center of attention. You sound like you have quite a bit of emotional growing up to do.

Please be kind to your step-sister, and be nothing but happy for her on her wedding day. If you cannot, then you should consider not attending.

[Anonymous]

Would your wedding day be less special if your dad had already walked a "real" sister down the aisle? It's not like there's some special magic that rubs away each time he does it, leaving less for you. In your shoes I'd be grateful to have a father who has the beautiful character to raise another man's child and take her in his heart. He's a wonderful man - make him proud by showing character too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not going to go well for you.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wish these were the things I have to worry about.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. I used to stress out about this kind of thing. Then my dad died. I didn't get married 'till I was 40, so there were a lot of weddings I lived through feeling left out and sad. I have pictures of him dancing the "father-daughter" dance with cousins whose dads had died, but none of me doing the same. But that's because of my own life decisions. I guess I could have gotten married at 21, or at least tried to make it a priority, if that's what I absolutely wanted.

Now he's dead. I walked myself down the aisle. I had a beautiful wedding and missed my dad. None of the joy that he gave to other female relatives at their weddings detracted from the joy of my wedding day, I promise you. I missed him, but the memory of him making other brides happy did not in any way take away from mine. I hope it will be the same for you.

I'm sorry you missed so much with your dad. There is lots of love left, though; please don't push it away while you can still love each other.

[Anonymous]

Did I miss something somewhere where OP said her dad raised someone else instead of her?

I don't understand why someone else's wedding impacts yours.

I also don't understand why you feel like she's your "sister" and not your sister. I have half siblings and I rarely use that modifier and we didn't even grow up together. I have a nephew who is actually the ex-step-son of my half-sister. Half-sister married his dad after he was born and then they later got divorced. He's my nephew, period.

I agree with a PP who said you should talk to a therapist - this issue runs deeper than walking someone down the aisle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know who you are OP. Granted you haven't told your friends how much it bugs you, but it is obvious. The good news is it will be awhile before you get to hold this over your dad. We've all been telling your bf to leave you before he gets stuck.

I hope this is real.