My mother and wife hate eachother! And mom says leave her.

[Anonymous]

If you are for real OP, you sound crazy and wimpy. Mother over wife every time or you'll be mommy's boy forever.

[Anonymous]

OOPs -- meant wife over mother every time.

[Anonymous]

Is this a real post?

Yikes, you are the one who is the common denominator here. You need to take control of your relationships and not allow your Mom to walk all over you. Of course it is not OK for grandma to pick up your DD (even if she is a teen) without telling you. But YOU should be the one to tell your mom that, not your wife.

Also, what mom goes through her son's phone? This is when I started to think this isn't a real post, but whatever, I'll play. That is ridiculous. Why are you allowing your mom to do that? And why did your WIFE have to call your mom to get your phone back? Are you not able to call her?

From what you posted, your Mom sounds completely inappropriate and your wife sounds very reasonable. But YOU need to set your mom straight.

[Anonymous]

OF COURSE your mom says "leave her", OP! Especially if you purposely chose a woman OPPOSITE of your mom. I wouldn't blame you a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and mom don't get along AT ALL! They both say the other treats them horribly. This has been an ongoing issue from the beginning and still ongoing 14 years later. I feel completely in the middle. Most recently my mother came for a visit (she lives out of state but has bought another vacation home a mile from us). Prior to mom coming up, my wife said she refuses to be disrespected by mother any longer and intends to stick up for herself since I don't (but I hate being in the middle and feel the fight is between them NOT me). Anyhow, my mom went to our house and picked up our teen daughter without informing either me or my wife. My wife told our daughter and my mother that they both need to respect us and ask us prior to making plans. My mother flipped out saying she's not disrespectful and can pick up her grandchild whenever she pleases, my wife disagrees. The next day, while I was outside doing yard work, my mother went through my phone that I left in the house to charge (which had conversations between me and my wife on it about her) then took off with my phone and went to a family members house disclosing the private info on my phone. My wife came home to this and called my mom to ask for the phone back and explain how inappropriate her behavior was and it ended up in a heated argument between the two of them. And now mom says my wife is no longer aloud at her house or on her property and that I should leave my wife. Now, after telling my wife what mom said, my wife says mom is also not aloud at our house.
I see both sides, I guess. My wife has tried throughout the years to be nice to mom, cooking dinners, throwing parties for her, remembering holidays, mothers day etc. cause I don't do these things. My mom has helped us out in the past financially though and I don't want to piss my mom off either nor do I want to loose the relationship I now have with mom.
My wife knows my mom was never there when I was growing up (My mom is a recovering addict and I'm now 38) and I think my wife resents my mom for a lot I've gone through (i.e. drug/alcohol addiction, depression, etc.)On the other hand, I think my mom resents my wife for being that person in my life who is and was there for me and helped me to turn my life around. Actually, my mom and I didn't even have a real relationship and weren't even conversing until my wife came along and helped to repair our damaged son/ mom relationship.
Now, I'm afraid I may loose them both. What to do? Who side to choose?

You re-read the bolded and man up and support the one who has supported u. And no this isn't ur wife posting this.

[Anonymous]

Your mother is queen of monster MILs. You are a spineless mama's boy.

[Anonymous]

So you have a 14-year infidelity free marriage with a child and your mom wants you to get a divorce?

Put mom in her place. Tell her to stop now. You need to focus on getting your child through high school and college. A divorce would be far more traumatic for you and your child than simply standing up to your (addict according to your own post)mom and getting her to accept your choice. How could you lose by simply putting long overdue limits on a parent (your own) who can't impose healthy limits on herself?

Perhaps your mom even wants you to do this subconsciously. Who knows? It may even improve your relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother is queen of monster MILs. You are a spineless mama's boy.

+1

Your mother is jealous. You have something she does not - and she never will. Don't give into her, just because your mother doesn't know how to be happy, doesn't mean that you can't be happy.

[Anonymous]

Your mom ain't done nothing for you but use drugs and not be there for you. Your wife ... has been there for you.