What is Just Compensation for a "Life Lost"?

[Anonymous]

Obviously, as others have said, you need to trust your lawyer. And you do need to apologize for saying something spiteful about our child and promise never to do it again.

That said, something doesn't ring quite right here to me. And it's not your life lost or your trailing status or whatever. While legally he may only be obligated to your child until 18, I'd hammer out an expectation for your child through college (what if 100K doesn't cover enough). I am also not so sure about him being able to keep one house while you have to split the other. That doesn't seem fair. As always with negations, decide on your bottom line, and counter with something further away so you can concede and look reasonable.

In the age of no alimony and no fault divorce, expectations of what's fair are really 50/50 - not more than that for you.

[Anonymous]

Oh and I totally agree that you cannot use your daughter as a weapon. To maintain credibility you have to apologize for that and not do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, as others have said, you need to trust your lawyer. And you do need to apologize for saying something spiteful about our child and promise never to do it again.

That said, something doesn't ring quite right here to me. And it's not your life lost or your trailing status or whatever. While legally he may only be obligated to your child until 18, I'd hammer out an expectation for your child through college (what if 100K doesn't cover enough). I am also not so sure about him being able to keep one house while you have to split the other. That doesn't seem fair. As always with negations, decide on your bottom line, and counter with something further away so you can concede and look reasonable.

In the age of no alimony and no fault divorce, expectations of what's fair are really 50/50 - not more than that for you.

by trust your lawyer I meant have faith in what your lawyer is telling you. And it seems you don't, so go for a second opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, as others have said, you need to trust your lawyer. And you do need to apologize for saying something spiteful about our child and promise never to do it again.

That said, something doesn't ring quite right here to me. And it's not your life lost or your trailing status or whatever. While legally he may only be obligated to your child until 18, I'd hammer out an expectation for your child through college (what if 100K doesn't cover enough). I am also not so sure about him being able to keep one house while you have to split the other. That doesn't seem fair. As always with negations, decide on your bottom line, and counter with something further away so you can concede and look reasonable.

In the age of no alimony and no fault divorce, expectations of what's fair are really 50/50 - not more than that for you.

by trust your lawyer I meant have faith in what your lawyer is telling you. And it seems you don't, so go for a second opinion.

I think trusting your lawyer is key. I've found that women often believe they should get alimony but the law does not allow it except under narrow circumstance. It's a bitter pill to swallow. What I've found is that the key negotiating points are child support related issues. I was able to negotiate that my ex pay for all of my kids' activities. But despite a 2/3 pay cut I got no alimony. Get a second opinion.

[Anonymous]

I would get a second opinion. Make sure you do your research. Do not be so quick to accept a plan drawn up by your DH. I know a woman who did this and then realized years later she screwed herself over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Fairfax county, which has a standard formula (according to my lawyer), you would get nothing.

How does that work? Divorce in VA spouse gets nothing?

In Fairfax county, assuming child support is involved, the primary earner will pay .28*their gross - .58* other gross.

In this case, OP stated she makes 3/5 of husband, or 60%.

Lets assume H makes 100K., then W makes 60K

.28*100-.58*60=28 -34 which is less than zero, so no support.

In my case, I make 155K, wife makes 0. Wife would get 43.4K/yr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Fairfax county, which has a standard formula (according to my lawyer), you would get nothing.

How does that work? Divorce in VA spouse gets nothing?

In Fairfax county, assuming child support is involved, the primary earner will pay .28*their gross - .58* other gross.

In this case, OP stated she makes 3/5 of husband, or 60%.

Lets assume H makes 100K., then W makes 60K

.28*100-.58*60=28 -34 which is less than zero, so no support.

In my case, I make 155K, wife makes 0. Wife would get 43.4K/yr

Math is harsh. It's like the honey badger. Don't give a sh*t!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would press for more money for college for your child. I would ask for financial disclosure. what is the second (rental)property worth? If he's proposing splitting the house, but taking the second property, that doesn't seem fair. I would suggest splitting the house, but his share gets reduced by 50 percent of the worth of the rental property.
Otherwise, I don't think--despite what you feel is right--that you're going to get better alimony, given that you have been employed and are employed.
also total up retirements and split down the middle.

keep in mind the cost of lawyers duking it out. I wouldn't necessarily accept this draft, but I would accept something close to it--sounds like your STBX is being reasonable and wants to move forward. Much better than someone who is going to fight for the death over everything.

OP here. He has listed out all the debts and assets for me. I can view everything on Mint.com. What he is proposing is somewhat what the PP suggests, however he says my share is reduced b/c he is willing to take on the lions share of the marital debt and that the second property, if sold, is subject to capital gains, which he would have to shoulder, unless he moves into the property. It is currently rented out. He is maintaining health insurance coverage for DC and life insurance of $1 million in DC's name.

I just feel I need more cashflow on a monthly basis. DH tells me that he is being more than fair, doesn't want to fight about it, is tired of fighting over every little thing (which is why he says he wants the divorce) and simply wants to break and move on while maintaining relationship with DC. I sort of lost it last night on him and told him he may never see DC again if I don't get what I want. Bad I know, but I was just pissed.

Whoah. I'm actually on your side -- I think you should see a good lawyer and see about getting more of the retirement, and that you have some interest in the second property. But you are DEAD WRONG about "never seeing DC again." His relationship with your kid has nothing to do with his relationship with you. Snap out of that mode fast. I get that you're hurt and betrayed, but do not use your child as a pawn. I mean it, snap out of that now, apologize, and never ever even hint at it again. If you do, you will be a bad, bad human being.

DH can tell you that he's being fair all he wants and that he doesn't want to fight about it. It ain't over until a lawyer who you trust tells you that it's the best deal you can get. He doesn't get to decide how much you will fight for your share.

He also wouldn't be the first guy to "forget" some stuff when listing out all the debts and assets. Just sayin'.

OP you about to line the pockets of two attorneys as you fight of the stupid shit. Get a second opinion, but I think what your husband proposed is reasonable. If you want more money, take half the accrued debt, sell the second property and split the net proceeds.

Turning your child against husband is damn awful, and you already are an awful person for even considering the thought. Pure selfish greed on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, as others have said, you need to trust your lawyer. And you do need to apologize for saying something spiteful about our child and promise never to do it again.

That said, something doesn't ring quite right here to me. And it's not your life lost or your trailing status or whatever. While legally he may only be obligated to your child until 18, I'd hammer out an expectation for your child through college (what if 100K doesn't cover enough). I am also not so sure about him being able to keep one house while you have to split the other. That doesn't seem fair. As always with negations, decide on your bottom line, and counter with something further away so you can concede and look reasonable.

In the age of no alimony and no fault divorce, expectations of what's fair are really 50/50 - not more than that for you.

She can buy him out of his equity in the first house, or sell and split 50-50. I thought the reason he was keeping the condo is because any equity in the condo is equivalent or exceeds shared debt that her husband will solely assume.

[Anonymous]

Get a 2nd opinion if you are uneasy

[Anonymous]

Why do people keep saying "it was your choice" when obviously it was not, it was THEIR choice. This detail matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep saying "it was your choice" when obviously it was not, it was THEIR choice. This detail matters.

She had free will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep saying "it was your choice" when obviously it was not, it was THEIR choice. This detail matters.

She had free will.

From which he derived a benefit of value that he also chose with his free will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep saying "it was your choice" when obviously it was not, it was THEIR choice. This detail matters.

She had free will.

From which he derived a benefit of value that he also chose with his free will.

Maybe, but irrelevant. It was still her choice. She chose to curtail her career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep saying "it was your choice" when obviously it was not, it was THEIR choice. This detail matters.

She had free will.

From which he derived a benefit of value that he also chose with his free will.

Maybe, but irrelevant. It was still her choice. She chose to curtail her career.

Exactly. And doesn't that go against the SAHM credo? "The value of the time spent with the kids! I should be PAID!!"

She made her bed.