What is Just Compensation for a "Life Lost"?

[Anonymous]

How much debt is there?

He's proposing keeping the apartment AND retirement and splitting the house 50-50? Sorry, that is not a good offer, unless there is a boat load of debt in the picture.

$100,000 for college?

[Anonymous]

I don't see why she should get any alimony at all. She's working. She isn't confident that her work is stable and has been given three years to make it stable. Three years of support plus child support is all anyone should really need to get on their feet. Even her lawyer thinks so.

[Anonymous]

$100K for college will cover 4 years in-state university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much debt is there?

He's proposing keeping the apartment AND retirement and splitting the house 50-50? Sorry, that is not a good offer, unless there is a boat load of debt in the picture.

$100,000 for college?

OP stated that he proposed providing the applicable split of his retirement pension as allowed by law. The retirement is not at issue. Although she is currently working, she wants more than three years of alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$100K for college will cover 4 years in-state university.

Unless it is in an agreement, He is not legally required to cover anything beyond age 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there is "just compensation" for a life lost. My DH and I have been married for a long time. For much of that time, I have been a "trailing spouse" and have followe DH around for his job. As a result, despite my high level of education, my current earnings are 3/5 of DH. Our marriage has been rather rocky over the past few years. Yesterday, DH told me he is fed up with my demands, wants a divorce and presented me with a draft property settlement and separation agreement. He proposes that I take the current marital residence and he will pay 1/3 of the mortgage for the next three years, at which time I must either refinance it in my name or it will need to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50, with the 50/50 determined as the date of our separation, i.e. I would get any increase in value after the date of our separation. He will keep and move into a rental property we own. It has a smaller mortgage payment and is worth less than the primary residence. He will keep all consumer debt we have accrued. He will keep his retirement, expect for that part of his pension to which I am legally entitled and will provide child support according to the state formula until DC hits college. He also proposes to put $100K in a trust for DC that neither of us will touch.

It basically works out to a 50/50 division of our assets - per VA law. DH, however, is adamant about no spousal support beyond the three years he offers for the mortgage on our primary. However, I think I need something longer term b/c my employment situation never seems to be solid. My lawyer says that my DH offer seems very reasonable and that I should not hold out for long-term spousal support given my education and work experience, even if I am right now on a temporary contract. He says no court in Fairfax will award me long-term support.

What do you all think. I do think my DH owes me more for all I have given up.

Your husband is dividing the assets 50-50 and you want more. What would be an equitable split to you? Do you think you deserve 65 percent of the assets and how much debt do you keep? What exactly do you think you gave up?

[Anonymous]

I agree that she contributed to his current earning capacity by being willing to be the trailing spouse. Her earning capacity also took a hit. This sounds like a long term marriage and there should be some obligation to account for this disparity in the settlement.

OP - do the numbers make sense for you or would you be better off taking the smaller place for the longer term? Think realistically what division of assets will work best for you and you will be able to support when you are on your own.

I also would get college for your child worked out now and in writing, don't count on him to do what you expect years down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there is "just compensation" for a life lost. My DH and I have been married for a long time. For much of that time, I have been a "trailing spouse" and have followe DH around for his job. As a result, despite my high level of education, my current earnings are 3/5 of DH. Our marriage has been rather rocky over the past few years. Yesterday, DH told me he is fed up with my demands, wants a divorce and presented me with a draft property settlement and separation agreement. He proposes that I take the current marital residence and he will pay 1/3 of the mortgage for the next three years, at which time I must either refinance it in my name or it will need to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50, with the 50/50 determined as the date of our separation, i.e. I would get any increase in value after the date of our separation. He will keep and move into a rental property we own. It has a smaller mortgage payment and is worth less than the primary residence. He will keep all consumer debt we have accrued. He will keep his retirement, expect for that part of his pension to which I am legally entitled and will provide child support according to the state formula until DC hits college. He also proposes to put $100K in a trust for DC that neither of us will touch.

It basically works out to a 50/50 division of our assets - per VA law. DH, however, is adamant about no spousal support beyond the three years he offers for the mortgage on our primary. However, I think I need something longer term b/c my employment situation never seems to be solid. My lawyer says that my DH offer seems very reasonable and that I should not hold out for long-term spousal support given my education and work experience, even if I am right now on a temporary contract. He says no court in Fairfax will award me long-term support.

What do you all think. I do think my DH owes me more for all I have given up.

Your husband is dividing the assets 50-50 and you want more. What would be an equitable split to you? Do you think you deserve 65 percent of the assets and how much debt do you keep? What exactly do you think you gave up?

I gave up the linear career path that is more normal for people with my educational sick ground. I turned down or was turned down by potetential employers b/c I either had to follow DH or had in their perception too checkered an employment record. People who graduated grad school with me all now earn six figures. I should be earning as much as.my perers. So, DH owes me for the foregone opportunity cost of my traveling with him. I do not even include all the cooking, cleaning, child are etc he has received over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there is "just compensation" for a life lost. My DH and I have been married for a long time. For much of that time, I have been a "trailing spouse" and have followe DH around for his job. As a result, despite my high level of education, my current earnings are 3/5 of DH. Our marriage has been rather rocky over the past few years. Yesterday, DH told me he is fed up with my demands, wants a divorce and presented me with a draft property settlement and separation agreement. He proposes that I take the current marital residence and he will pay 1/3 of the mortgage for the next three years, at which time I must either refinance it in my name or it will need to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50, with the 50/50 determined as the date of our separation, i.e. I would get any increase in value after the date of our separation. He will keep and move into a rental property we own. It has a smaller mortgage payment and is worth less than the primary residence. He will keep all consumer debt we have accrued. He will keep his retirement, expect for that part of his pension to which I am legally entitled and will provide child support according to the state formula until DC hits college. He also proposes to put $100K in a trust for DC that neither of us will touch.

It basically works out to a 50/50 division of our assets - per VA law. DH, however, is adamant about no spousal support beyond the three years he offers for the mortgage on our primary. However, I think I need something longer term b/c my employment situation never seems to be solid. My lawyer says that my DH offer seems very reasonable and that I should not hold out for long-term spousal support given my education and work experience, even if I am right now on a temporary contract. He says no court in Fairfax will award me long-term support.

What do you all think. I do think my DH owes me more for all I have given up.

Your husband is dividing the assets 50-50 and you want more. What would be an equitable split to you? Do you think you deserve 65 percent of the assets and how much debt do you keep? What exactly do you think you gave up?

I gave up the linear career path that is more normal for people with my educational sick ground. I turned down or was turned down by potetential employers b/c I either had to follow DH or had in their perception too checkered an employment record. People who graduated grad school with me all now earn six figures. I should be earning as much as.my perers. So, DH owes me for the foregone opportunity cost of my traveling with him. I do not even include all the cooking, cleaning, child are etc he has received over the years.

That was your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there is "just compensation" for a life lost. My DH and I have been married for a long time. For much of that time, I have been a "trailing spouse" and have followe DH around for his job. As a result, despite my high level of education, my current earnings are 3/5 of DH. Our marriage has been rather rocky over the past few years. Yesterday, DH told me he is fed up with my demands, wants a divorce and presented me with a draft property settlement and separation agreement. He proposes that I take the current marital residence and he will pay 1/3 of the mortgage for the next three years, at which time I must either refinance it in my name or it will need to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50, with the 50/50 determined as the date of our separation, i.e. I would get any increase in value after the date of our separation. He will keep and move into a rental property we own. It has a smaller mortgage payment and is worth less than the primary residence. He will keep all consumer debt we have accrued. He will keep his retirement, expect for that part of his pension to which I am legally entitled and will provide child support according to the state formula until DC hits college. He also proposes to put $100K in a trust for DC that neither of us will touch.

It basically works out to a 50/50 division of our assets - per VA law. DH, however, is adamant about no spousal support beyond the three years he offers for the mortgage on our primary. However, I think I need something longer term b/c my employment situation never seems to be solid. My lawyer says that my DH offer seems very reasonable and that I should not hold out for long-term spousal support given my education and work experience, even if I am right now on a temporary contract. He says no court in Fairfax will award me long-term support.

What do you all think. I do think my DH owes me more for all I have given up.

Your husband is dividing the assets 50-50 and you want more. What would be an equitable split to you? Do you think you deserve 65 percent of the assets and how much debt do you keep? What exactly do you think you gave up?

I gave up the linear career path that is more normal for people with my educational sick ground. I turned down or was turned down by potetential employers b/c I either had to follow DH or had in their perception too checkered an employment record. People who graduated grad school with me all now earn six figures. I should be earning as much as.my perers. So, DH owes me for the foregone opportunity cost of my traveling with him. I do not even include all the cooking, cleaning, child are etc he has received over the years.

That was your choice.

But she made those choices in the belief that theirs was a lifetime partnership... Although really, OP, is three years not long enough to get your career back on track? What does your lawyer think about the offer?

[Anonymous]

We don't know the dynamics of the relationship here. I would not try to pin blame on the DH alone for the break-up. OP probably played her 50 percent part too. I think her DH is being reasonable and that she is looking for more thsn she is entitled to under the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the Fairfax Co. formula, which the internet says is the standard for nova:

Where child support is not involved:

30% of gross income of spouse with greater income (in calculating gross income; "reasonable business expenses," are deducted, for the self-employed; military spouses should note that their present non-taxable benefits are included in gross income calculations -- i.e., "BAQ, "VHA," "subsistence" allowances, etc.)

minus

50% of gross income of spouse with lesser income.

Where child support is involved:

28% of payor's gross income

less

58% of payee's gross income.

Is this the child support formula or the spousal support formulaic.e is this the smoking of spousal support plus child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there is "just compensation" for a life lost. My DH and I have been married for a long time. For much of that time, I have been a "trailing spouse" and have followe DH around for his job. As a result, despite my high level of education, my current earnings are 3/5 of DH. Our marriage has been rather rocky over the past few years. Yesterday, DH told me he is fed up with my demands, wants a divorce and presented me with a draft property settlement and separation agreement. He proposes that I take the current marital residence and he will pay 1/3 of the mortgage for the next three years, at which time I must either refinance it in my name or it will need to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50, with the 50/50 determined as the date of our separation, i.e. I would get any increase in value after the date of our separation. He will keep and move into a rental property we own. It has a smaller mortgage payment and is worth less than the primary residence. He will keep all consumer debt we have accrued. He will keep his retirement, expect for that part of his pension to which I am legally entitled and will provide child support according to the state formula until DC hits college. He also proposes to put $100K in a trust for DC that neither of us will touch.

It basically works out to a 50/50 division of our assets - per VA law. DH, however, is adamant about no spousal support beyond the three years he offers for the mortgage on our primary. However, I think I need something longer term b/c my employment situation never seems to be solid. My lawyer says that my DH offer seems very reasonable and that I should not hold out for long-term spousal support given my education and work experience, even if I am right now on a temporary contract. He says no court in Fairfax will award me long-term support.

What do you all think. I do think my DH owes me more for all I have given up.

Your husband is dividing the assets 50-50 and you want more. What would be an equitable split to you? Do you think you deserve 65 percent of the assets and how much debt do you keep? What exactly do you think you gave up?

I gave up the linear career path that is more normal for people with my educational sick ground. I turned down or was turned down by potetential employers b/c I either had to follow DH or had in their perception too checkered an employment record. People who graduated grad school with me all now earn six figures. I should be earning as much as.my perers. So, DH owes me for the foregone opportunity cost of my traveling with him. I do not even include all the cooking, cleaning, child are etc he has received over the years.

That was your choice.

But she made those choices in the belief that theirs was a lifetime partnership... Although really, OP, is three years not long enough to get your career back on track? What does your lawyer think about the offer?

It was a stupid choice. Yet people keep advocating for it on this board.

[Anonymous]

Take responsibility for yourself. Don't give up your career unless you want to. Don't blame others for your mistakes. Understand the risks of your choices.

[Anonymous]

I would press for more money for college for your child. I would ask for financial disclosure. what is the second (rental)property worth? If he's proposing splitting the house, but taking the second property, that doesn't seem fair. I would suggest splitting the house, but his share gets reduced by 50 percent of the worth of the rental property.
Otherwise, I don't think--despite what you feel is right--that you're going to get better alimony, given that you have been employed and are employed.
also total up retirements and split down the middle.

keep in mind the cost of lawyers duking it out. I wouldn't necessarily accept this draft, but I would accept something close to it--sounds like your STBX is being reasonable and wants to move forward. Much better than someone who is going to fight for the death over everything.