What is Just Compensation for a "Life Lost"?

[Anonymous]

Do you think there is "just compensation" for a life lost. My DH and I have been married for a long time. For much of that time, I have been a "trailing spouse" and have followe DH around for his job. As a result, despite my high level of education, my current earnings are 3/5 of DH. Our marriage has been rather rocky over the past few years. Yesterday, DH told me he is fed up with my demands, wants a divorce and presented me with a draft property settlement and separation agreement. He proposes that I take the current marital residence and he will pay 1/3 of the mortgage for the next three years, at which time I must either refinance it in my name or it will need to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50, with the 50/50 determined as the date of our separation, i.e. I would get any increase in value after the date of our separation. He will keep and move into a rental property we own. It has a smaller mortgage payment and is worth less than the primary residence. He will keep all consumer debt we have accrued. He will keep his retirement, expect for that part of his pension to which I am legally entitled and will provide child support according to the state formula until DC hits college. He also proposes to put $100K in a trust for DC that neither of us will touch.

It basically works out to a 50/50 division of our assets - per VA law. DH, however, is adamant about no spousal support beyond the three years he offers for the mortgage on our primary. However, I think I need something longer term b/c my employment situation never seems to be solid. My lawyer says that my DH offer seems very reasonable and that I should not hold out for long-term spousal support given my education and work experience, even if I am right now on a temporary contract. He says no court in Fairfax will award me long-term support.

What do you all think. I do think my DH owes me more for all I have given up.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Do you trust your lawyer?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, what he is offering does sound reasonable. You are working. If he is offering to pay 1/3 of the mortgage (I'd add in "and property taxes" and "HOA fees" or whatever else, but not utilities or things that are about your daily use) in addition to whatever the formula for child support is, you should be fine.

By three years, you should probably be on your feet. Start looking aggressively for a permanent position now. Three years is a long time.

[Anonymous]

It's a little complicated but I would not trust a draft agreement made by his lawyer. Sounds pretty cheap to me. You might take a lump sum of all of the home to keep from following him around asking for money. GL

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds pretty reasonable. Maybe you can negotiate for him to pay 1/2 of mortgage?

[Anonymous]

You did not lose your life in any form of legal sense so better not to use that phrase

[Anonymous]

Mil negotiated a lump sum on the theory that she didn't want to be dealing with him on a monthly basis. I think that's good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did not lose your life in any form of legal sense so better not to use that phrase

+1

She loses sympathy w me bc of this phrase. At least she is working and admits DH is offering her 50%. He doesnt seem to be trying to screw her. She comes off as being greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did not lose your life in any form of legal sense so better not to use that phrase

+1

She loses sympathy w me bc of this phrase. At least she is working and admits DH is offering her 50%. He doesnt seem to be trying to screw her. She comes off as being greedy.

I agree. and OP, you gave up future earning potential by choice. He didn't force you.

[Anonymous]

You decided to get married. You decided to make career choices. Now you are getting divorced. There is no "lost life." If you keep this attitude though, you will lose all your friends because you sound bitter and crazy.

On the other hand, my mom got a little more support in a similar situation. Not much more though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did not lose your life in any form of legal sense so better not to use that phrase

+1

She loses sympathy w me bc of this phrase. At least she is working and admits DH is offering her 50%. He doesnt seem to be trying to screw her. She comes off as being greedy.

That, and her lawyer says it's a good deal.

OP - listen to your own lawyer.

[Anonymous]

LOL @ Life lost

When you get married, you become a partnership. That means thinks won't always be 50/50. If you decided to move around and make sacrifices based on DH's choices, that is not something you should be compensated for. Every couple does this in one way or another.

Get a lawyer, let him advice you on what the courts will probably agree to, and go on living your life as a single person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did not lose your life in any form of legal sense so better not to use that phrase

+1

She loses sympathy w me bc of this phrase. At least she is working and admits DH is offering her 50%. He doesnt seem to be trying to screw her. She comes off as being greedy.

I agree. and OP, you gave up future earning potential by choice. He didn't force you.

But I think that's her point- her career was put on the backburner for his - does he owe her anything for this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But I think that's her point- her career was put on the backburner for his - does he owe her anything for this?

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did not lose your life in any form of legal sense so better not to use that phrase

+1

She loses sympathy w me bc of this phrase. At least she is working and admits DH is offering her 50%. He doesnt seem to be trying to screw her. She comes off as being greedy.

I agree. and OP, you gave up future earning potential by choice. He didn't force you.

But I think that's her point- her career was put on the backburner for his - does he owe her anything for this?

Of course not.