Thangsgiving conflict - is MIL inreasonable or am I?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you everyone for the input.

I think I just got totally blindsided with this because normally my MIL is very reasonable and hands-off (she makes zero comments about how we've chosen to raise our DD, our choice of house, jobs, family size. Even during Christmas visits, we are expected to be there for meals but other than that, we can spend as much or as little time with the family as we feel like). She is basically the opposite of pushy, normally. She even gets along well with my own mother.

So this basically came out of nowhere. I think it may be a factor of getting old - a lot of people, my parents included, seem to dig in their heels more as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is being completely unreasonable.

And, while offering to do Thanksgiving at your house was kind, it is really not reasonable either. That is still a ton of work when you should be recovering.

This. Tell them you won't be doing Thanksgiving with them this year since you'll have a newborn. End of discussion. Don't rehash your underlying reasons; don't provide alternatives or "solutions." Decide if you'll go there next Thanksgiving or your parents. If the former, then your MIL doesn't "lose a turn," but even if she did, BFD.

[Anonymous]

Do. Not. Host. You don't know how you will feel, and Dd might need some extra normalcy while she adjusts instead of a house full of people.

It is one year. You all will survive missing one turkey meal. Focus on your family right now.

Signed, a mom to a thanksgiving day baby who was given a hard time in the weeks leading up to it for notplanning to drive 6 hours for thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Invite MIL - alone (or with her SO) to come see you after all her guests have left and drop off left overs

[Anonymous]

How far is the drive to in laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How far is the drive to in laws?

3 hours or maybe 3.5 depending on the roads we take.

[Anonymous]

I really wonder if - given as you say she's usually so reasonable - that in your well meaning attempt to lock everything down early, it was too early for her. She was probably floating under the false illusion of having everyone under her roof, and hadn't really thought through a 3 week old. I think it was smart to provide the heads up - but at this point I think it might be wise to just say, look, we don't know what will happen in November. Babies are unpredictable and so let's just take it as it comes, but remember it was rough going the first time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite MIL - alone (or with her SO) to come see you after all her guests have left and drop off left overs

Now, that's a great idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone for the input.

I think I just got totally blindsided with this because normally my MIL is very reasonable and hands-off (she makes zero comments about how we've chosen to raise our DD, our choice of house, jobs, family size. Even during Christmas visits, we are expected to be there for meals but other than that, we can spend as much or as little time with the family as we feel like). She is basically the opposite of pushy, normally. She even gets along well with my own mother.

So this basically came out of nowhere. I think it may be a factor of getting old - a lot of people, my parents included, seem to dig in their heels more as they get older.

OP - if this reaction is really totally out of the blue for MIL, please ask your DH to talk to his mom and try to figure out if something else is bothering her or if she's feeling okay. Weird personality swings (especially in older folks) can be a sign of something more.

[Anonymous]

MIL is being unreasonable. And I need to echo people who say you shouldn't try to host. It's going to be too much for you.

Signed, a person who very unhappily hosted X-mas dinner for her ILs six hours before she gave birth.