merging money when you become a family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the people that do joint finances seem very judgmental...

Right?? To me it's semantics. You can still call it "our money" even when it's in individual accounts. It's odd to imply someone's marriage has less trust simply because of how they choose to manage their money.

x a zillion. it doesnt mean you aren't on the same page just because you administratively set up your accounts differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine not having 100% joint finances with my husbands. Bills come out of joint account. Paychecks going into joint checking/savings. We need something, we buy it. If its super expensive, we discuss it.

Why make it complicated? I don't think I could be married to a man to didn't trust me to be financially responsible, or if I couldn't trust him to be.

Why are you drawing the conclusion that separate bank accounts (left over from our separate, pre-marriage lives) = lack of trust? You trust each other or you don't. My husband and I have talked extensively about our financial philosophies; we are on the same page, we just haven't needed to merge things until now.

We all come into marriage with existing accounts, I think. We're not child brides.

I link it to trust, because non-joint finance couples -- like 15:33 -- always say (or suggest) that they keep their finances separate so they can spend "their own money" any way they like. As if joint accounts means you now have to get permission every time you want to buy lunch or a new blouse or whatever. Or they want to keep the cost of certain items a secret from their spouse.

To me, the only explanation for having separate accounts is to "protect what's mine" -- which suggests you don't trust your partner.

We have joint and separate accounts. The reason isn't to protect. Its because my husband balances NOTHING and his habit is too hard to change. So he does his spending by guessing an average balance out of his checking, I use a register for mine, and I manage all other joint accounts. We both have access/pin/logins for each there are no secrets or lack of trust issues. And with the joint accounts that we share, I have had to move to "guessing" the balance and he has had to move to checking it before spending.

Different habits of two adults coming together is the reason, and me tired of the headaches otherwise. For us, more than one IS easier. No trust issues.

[Anonymous]

If you can join accounts and never question it, talk about "our money" instead of "I will buy this for myself with my money" your marriage will succeed.
If you end up arguing and discussing bout her money/his money I guarantee you...it won't end well.

Only couples who have joint finances without even ever thinking about it twice really trust each other and have truly become one.

[Anonymous]

I'm really surprised by the number of people who have separate financial accounts. We set up a new checking account when we got married, both our incomes are directly deposited, and we have never ever fought about money, as we are very aligned in our financial strategy and are very pragmatic. I never "ask" before I buy - but we talk about it because it's respectful and is smart to avoid a situation in which I pay for summer camp and a sofa at the same time he buys a bicycle and a suit. We meet our financial planner together. Our 401Ks are separate because they have to be.

Funny, I am a card carrying feminist, and I don't think it adds any independence to have a separate account. I am rather appalled at all the women who earn more than their husbands, and seem to calculate that into their advantage. That seems to replicate the centuries of women being somehow beholden to their husbands because they were the sole breadwinners; it really shouldn't matter who earns more in terms of their "right" to joint money. I earn more than my husband; it's all our money.

Ultimately, it's important that people have the same values in terms of money, and communicate openly.

[Anonymous]

We have joint CC. Once you are married, your credit becomes tied together, so joint CC doesn't matter.

This is NOT true! Ugh, the misinformation on here sometimes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can join accounts and never question it, talk about "our money" instead of "I will buy this for myself with my money" your marriage will succeed.
If you end up arguing and discussing bout her money/his money I guarantee you...it won't end well.

Only couples who have joint finances without even ever thinking about it twice really trust each other and have truly become one.

Okay, now I'm finally seeing the whacko conservative scary church influence in all of this.

Where the throwback pastor does a great job of convincing the women that their husbands need to know about everything they spend, in order to "become one."

It also explains why the joint finances types are so freaking judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can join accounts and never question it, talk about "our money" instead of "I will buy this for myself with my money" your marriage will succeed.
If you end up arguing and discussing bout her money/his money I guarantee you...it won't end well.

Only couples who have joint finances without even ever thinking about it twice really trust each other and have truly become one.

Okay, now I'm finally seeing the whacko conservative scary church influence in all of this.

Where the throwback pastor does a great job of convincing the women that their husbands need to know about everything they spend, in order to "become one."

It also explains why the joint finances types are so freaking judgmental.

+1. It is scary how judgmental a lot of the joint finance people are. We do separate and we're happy with it. I'd happily answer any questions others had about how we structure it but I'd never suggest my way was somehow superior to how others do it nor would I try to push my system of beliefs on others.

[Anonymous]

Keeping it separate will be helpful for when you ultimately divorce. Not sure if that benefit has been floated yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keeping it separate will be helpful for when you ultimately divorce. Not sure if that benefit has been floated yet.

It is assumed.

[Anonymous]

Merging money is the easy part, merging debt can cause major issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We have joint CC. Once you are married, your credit becomes tied together, so joint CC doesn't matter.

This is NOT true! Ugh, the misinformation on here sometimes...

You are correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Merging money is the easy part, merging debt can cause major issues.

OP here - fortunately neither of us has any debt (except my mortgage) so any that's incurred will be incurred jointly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can join accounts and never question it, talk about "our money" instead of "I will buy this for myself with my money" your marriage will succeed.
If you end up arguing and discussing bout her money/his money I guarantee you...it won't end well.

Only couples who have joint finances without even ever thinking about it twice really trust each other and have truly become one.

Okay, now I'm finally seeing the whacko conservative scary church influence in all of this.

Where the throwback pastor does a great job of convincing the women that their husbands need to know about everything they spend, in order to "become one."

It also explains why the joint finances types are so freaking judgmental.

My pastor doesn't suggest that. It's whatever works as long as there is transparency and the right attitude, the rest is all administrative,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping it separate will be helpful for when you ultimately divorce. Not sure if that benefit has been floated yet.

It is assumed.

Not by everyone.

[Anonymous]

I think some of you women trying to force the "right way" on every couple are insecure. An account being joint or separate shouldn't impact a balance of power in a healthy marriage, one way or another.