Just had horrible screaming match with MIL

[Anonymous]

Wow. You have a lot of anger. First it was the OP. Now it's me.

Name calling is never constructive.

Really? Questioning someone's maturity is hardly name calling and using your own words in a reply is hardly demonstrating "anger" unless of course, that is how you saw your post. I have no anger at all. What I have is a wealth of experience with difficult in-laws. OP's approach is going to bring her and especially her husband nothing but problems…and no, it is not a "mature" approach to a problem.

[Anonymous]

You're bullying the OP and now you are trying to bully me. The only one who needs a mirror is you.

Relating a different view is hardly bullying. Suggesting that it is, is once again an issue of maturity. You seem to be more than a little invested in this scenario. In all seriousness, and with kindness, for your own sake, try to see things from a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You're bullying the OP and now you are trying to bully me. The only one who needs a mirror is you.

Relating a different view is hardly bullying. Suggesting that it is, is once again an issue of maturity. You seem to be more than a little invested in this scenario. In all seriousness, and with kindness, for your own sake, try to see things from a different perspective.

Not any of the PP's you're attempting to provide online therapy for, but you might indeed want to look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PPs, but you people calling the OP names really ought to consider the "maturity" of your own behavior. Name calling and crap labels aren't going to help the OP. You don't know enough about the situation to make any such grand proclamations anyway. Even mature people can be gaslit and behave in ways they might otherwise not. So, just back off. If you don't have something constructive to say, then find another thread.

Perhaps you should "back off". Not agreeing with your view of the world does not mean someone's comments are not constructive. Perhaps you should look at your own behavior and your own motivation and yes, even your own "maturity".

Wow. You have a lot of anger. First it was the OP. Now it's me.

Name calling is never constructive.

3rd PP here. ITA you need to back off. Methinks you stick up for the MIL a bit too much. So yeah, we have reason to believe you are guilty.

OP, the ball is in her court. In fact, MIL (and PP for that matter) *should* be older and wiser, but it is not usually the case. I commend you for sticking up for yourself. Who died and made MIL (or PP) belligerent queen? MIL can reassess or suffer the changes.

[Anonymous]

My daughter and her husband BOTH have to deal with similar behavior from MIL and FIL when they visit in their (chidlren's) home. Our SIL and his folks just seem to have this dynamic, but our daughter is not one who is going to put up with them going after her or him for very long.

The real issue I keep trying to point out is that their twin girls are now just five, and it is absolutely not appropriate for adults to be acting out like this in the home where the girls can hear and/or see it. Every visit whether up to his parents home or vice versa seems to end in this circus..... very draining and when a DIL is already dealing with inate stress issues it does not help. FIL does have a mental illness, but will only take meds and not see a therapist so nothing is going to change on that end. It is very hard because the parents do love the little girls - just not their son or DIL. And we get tired of hearing about the continuing drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, here, ugh -- if you all knew my MIL you would understand why it ended in a screaming match. She is an extremely difficult person. She has always annoyed me but this time she did something that has effected my daughter's health and that was enough for me to freak out.

[Anonymous]

OP, the only thing that matters is that you get your DH on the same page with you. Otherwise your MIL will continue to push your buttons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here, ugh -- if you all knew my MIL you would understand why it ended in a screaming match. She is an extremely difficult person. She has always annoyed me but this time she did something that has effected my daughter's health and that was enough for me to freak out.

What was it, OP? Did she give your kid nuts when she has an allergy, or did she give your kid juice when you are anti-juice, or what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here, ugh -- if you all knew my MIL you would understand why it ended in a screaming match. She is an extremely difficult person. She has always annoyed me but this time she did something that has effected my daughter's health and that was enough for me to freak out.

My mom had done things like this. Served nuts when my kid had a nut allergy and when I pointed it out she said my kid could leave the room.
She also gave him a pill bottle to use as a rattle.

I told her that she almost gave me a heart attack and she said, "But I was watching him and I know CPR."

Some people need to create a crisis so they can feel comfortable.

I spoke to my pediatrician about it and she had some really really good advice, such as staying at hotels, eating in public places so that I am in control of the menu, and in general, taking over.

FWIW, you husband must be going nuts. I know you want him to defend you but his instincts must be to protect you both. Part of being a spouse is putting up with the other's family. We used to plan "time out times" when we went into enemy territory, like, I'd get a pedicure when we went to his mom's house or he'd go to the book store when we were with my parents. It helped ease the tension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking because my MIL just came over to see the kids and it ended in a screaming match. I feel that MIL has never respected me, she bullies me and is critical. She doesn't listen to me and says rude stuff. MIL has been driving me insane my whole marriage of almost 10 years. DH has never adequately intervened or stood up for me. So, a recent event happened with MIL where she did something that partially effected my child and I am furious about it. So she came over and we had it out --- yelling, screaming, etc. She called me crazy and said she better leave before she told me what she really thinks of me. FIL and DH had to shuffle her out the door.

DH has not spoken to me since they left. Pretty sure he is mad at me because he is one to ignore issues and not be confrontational.

I am just so upset. Wanted to vent.

What exactly happened that offended you????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here, ugh -- if you all knew my MIL you would understand why it ended in a screaming match. She is an extremely difficult person. She has always annoyed me but this time she did something that has effected my daughter's health and that was enough for me to freak out.

My mom had done things like this. Served nuts when my kid had a nut allergy and when I pointed it out she said my kid could leave the room.
She also gave him a pill bottle to use as a rattle.

I told her that she almost gave me a heart attack and she said, "But I was watching him and I know CPR."

Some people need to create a crisis so they can feel comfortable.

I spoke to my pediatrician about it and she had some really really good advice, such as staying at hotels, eating in public places so that I am in control of the menu, and in general, taking over.

FWIW, you husband must be going nuts. I know you want him to defend you but his instincts must be to protect you both. Part of being a spouse is putting up with the other's family. We used to plan "time out times" when we went into enemy territory, like, I'd get a pedicure when we went to his mom's house or he'd go to the book store when we were with my parents. It helped ease the tension.

I just quit going to see his family and he quit going to see mine. When takes the kids to his folks, that's "me time" to go shopping or go to the salon or read a book. When I take the kids to my folks, that his time to sit around and play video games all weekend or go out with his friends. If the in-laws make you nuts, then skip seeing them.

BTW, when I stopped going to the in-laws, DH stopped going so often. If he has to do all the work of planning the visits, managing the kids, and talking to his parents, he doesn't want to do it as often. Sorry I'm not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Wow, smh at posters blaming OP. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here, ugh -- if you all knew my MIL you would understand why it ended in a screaming match. She is an extremely difficult person. She has always annoyed me but this time she did something that has effected my daughter's health and that was enough for me to freak out.

My mom had done things like this. Served nuts when my kid had a nut allergy and when I pointed it out she said my kid could leave the room.
She also gave him a pill bottle to use as a rattle.

I told her that she almost gave me a heart attack and she said, "But I was watching him and I know CPR."

Some people need to create a crisis so they can feel comfortable.

I spoke to my pediatrician about it and she had some really really good advice, such as staying at hotels, eating in public places so that I am in control of the menu, and in general, taking over.

FWIW, you husband must be going nuts. I know you want him to defend you but his instincts must be to protect you both. Part of being a spouse is putting up with the other's family. We used to plan "time out times" when we went into enemy territory, like, I'd get a pedicure when we went to his mom's house or he'd go to the book store when we were with my parents. It helped ease the tension.

I just quit going to see his family and he quit going to see mine. When takes the kids to his folks, that's "me time" to go shopping or go to the salon or read a book. When I take the kids to my folks, that his time to sit around and play video games all weekend or go out with his friends. If the in-laws make you nuts, then skip seeing them.

BTW, when I stopped going to the in-laws, DH stopped going so often. If he has to do all the work of planning the visits, managing the kids, and talking to his parents, he doesn't want to do it as often. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Bravo! I'm with you, sister. OP, MILs are older, they had issues LONG before DILs came along. I am not a professional therapist, it is not up to me to "march to MILs drum" to make her happy. If she only wants things one way (including people) than I know FOR CERTAIN she has missed out on much of life. Not my problem. Its out of my hands. She can make the effort to be a decent human being, namely not criticizing me or trying to dig at me, or she can lie in the bed she made.

In my case, MIL does not get much joy out of anything, and you very rarely see her laugh. Oddly, if a man makes a joke (usually son in law, married to her daughter, of course) - it is the funniest thing she has ever heard, somehow. She jumps for men, its odd. Maybe her sons should marry men, just to shake things up a bit (they are military, so this would be awesome).

You can't hang her. She can decide to be a decent human being or not, but you can't change her. Good for sticking up for yourself. You don't have to participate in her predictably negative behavior.

[Anonymous]

hang = change (Freudian slip!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here, ugh -- if you all knew my MIL you would understand why it ended in a screaming match. She is an extremely difficult person. She has always annoyed me but this time she did something that has effected my daughter's health and that was enough for me to freak out.

My mom had done things like this. Served nuts when my kid had a nut allergy and when I pointed it out she said my kid could leave the room.
She also gave him a pill bottle to use as a rattle.

I told her that she almost gave me a heart attack and she said, "But I was watching him and I know CPR."

Some people need to create a crisis so they can feel comfortable.

I spoke to my pediatrician about it and she had some really really good advice, such as staying at hotels, eating in public places so that I am in control of the menu, and in general, taking over.

FWIW, you husband must be going nuts. I know you want him to defend you but his instincts must be to protect you both. Part of being a spouse is putting up with the other's family. We used to plan "time out times" when we went into enemy territory, like, I'd get a pedicure when we went to his mom's house or he'd go to the book store when we were with my parents. It helped ease the tension.

I just quit going to see his family and he quit going to see mine. When takes the kids to his folks, that's "me time" to go shopping or go to the salon or read a book. When I take the kids to my folks, that his time to sit around and play video games all weekend or go out with his friends. If the in-laws make you nuts, then skip seeing them.

BTW, when I stopped going to the in-laws, DH stopped going so often. If he has to do all the work of planning the visits, managing the kids, and talking to his parents, he doesn't want to do it as often. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Bravo! I'm with you, sister. OP, MILs are older, they had issues LONG before DILs came along. I am not a professional therapist, it is not up to me to "march to MILs drum" to make her happy. If she only wants things one way (including people) than I know FOR CERTAIN she has missed out on much of life. Not my problem. Its out of my hands. She can make the effort to be a decent human being, namely not criticizing me or trying to dig at me, or she can lie in the bed she made.

In my case, MIL does not get much joy out of anything, and you very rarely see her laugh. Oddly, if a man makes a joke (usually son in law, married to her daughter, of course) - it is the funniest thing she has ever heard, somehow. She jumps for men, its odd. Maybe her sons should marry men, just to shake things up a bit (they are military, so this would be awesome).

You can't hang her. She can decide to be a decent human being or not, but you can't change her. Good for sticking up for yourself. You don't have to participate in her predictably negative behavior.

+1