Just had horrible screaming match with MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give no details so we can't determine who's wrong

Without details, how will we ever judge you, OP?

You must spill the details, so that you can get the nasty judgment that DCUM knows you deserve.

LOL

[Anonymous]

I'm 19:34.

Apologies are fluid things OP.
If I felt that MIL had totally earned her chewing out in 10 years of put-downs, I would most definitely not apologize to anyone about yelling at her. I would, however, express my regrets that my children, husband or anybody else present were made uncomfortable by the heated exchange.
See the difference?

I had a screaming match with my mother last year. She deserved all of it and so much more.
My MIL is the loveliest person ever and we get along great.

[Anonymous]

Details, OP? What exactly led to the screaming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Yelling and screaming is never ok. Who yelled first?

Does it matter who yelled first since clearly the other person yelled back?

Equally guilty are those personalities that goad and escalate situations (often by being passive aggressive), so that one gets angry and acts out everyone's emotions!

[Anonymous]

Screaming and yelling. Really, OP. Not acceptable no matter who you are yelling at. It sound like you both need to grow up and you both need to apologize for behaving inappropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Yelling and screaming is never ok. Who yelled first?

Does it matter who yelled first since clearly the other person yelled back?

I think it matters. I've had MIL go bezerk and posted about it on here. Nobody was understanding either, as usual on DCUMs (tough crowd!). I didn't yell back, but only because I knew she'd do it so in advance I got an Rx for xanax and took it before she came over and I was soooo calm. DH was amazed like how did I do it. Xanax my dear.

OP, get some xanax, and only take it when she comes over (it can be highly addictive, so I mean it). I still have my bottle from 3 years ago. And I love pills, but this is an Rx worth savoring for days spent with your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give no details so we can't determine who's wrong

Without details, how will we ever judge you, OP?

You must spill the details, so that you can get the nasty judgment that DCUM knows you deserve.

LOL

Yes, this is the understanding PP who must admit this photo is funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking because my MIL just came over to see the kids and it ended in a screaming match. I feel that MIL has never respected me, she bullies me and is critical. She doesn't listen to me and says rude stuff. MIL has been driving me insane my whole marriage of almost 10 years. DH has never adequately intervened or stood up for me. So, a recent event happened with MIL where she did something that partially effected my child and I am furious about it. So she came over and we had it out --- yelling, screaming, etc. She called me crazy and said she better leave before she told me what she really thinks of me. FIL and DH had to shuffle her out the door.

DH has not spoken to me since they left. Pretty sure he is mad at me because he is one to ignore issues and not be confrontational.

I am just so upset. Wanted to vent.

How very Jerry Springer Show of you. A screaming match with your MIL. Not good. Not good. I really hope that you don't have a creaming match with your DIL when the time comes.

i miss that show, i wonder if its on now. i miss that bell they ding and then they start fist fighting and hair pulling. where can i find that on my roku? or maury - you are NOT the father lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm guessing that you and MIL are more alike than different. Your husband was probably drawn to qualities in you that he recognized in his mother. His response to both of you is to withdraw. The question is how you will change this dynamic. As others have suggested, you need to talk with him calmly and own your behavior. You lost it and need to apologize. You need to figure out how you are going to manage your feelings around MIL. You need to let your husband know that you have felt abandoned by what you perceive as his lack of support.

And then you need to be quiet and listen to him. He may be checking out because he is afraid to confront you and call you out on being overly sensitive or critical of MIL. Who knows. The bottom line is that you and he need to figure out how you are going to move forward together. It might be a good idea to enlist the help of a therapist. If husband struggles to confront, he may need a therapist there to help navigate the conversation.

I don't buy this at all.

My MIL and I are complete opposites. BOY is she TICKED that DH chose someone so different than her. As if to say she wasn't good enough. Whatever it is, she takes it as a real slap in the face and tries to remind me every chance she gets.

BOOOOOOOOORING!!!!

I'm over it, you would think she would be too, at her age!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm guessing that you and MIL are more alike than different. Your husband was probably drawn to qualities in you that he recognized in his mother. His response to both of you is to withdraw. The question is how you will change this dynamic. As others have suggested, you need to talk with him calmly and own your behavior. You lost it and need to apologize. You need to figure out how you are going to manage your feelings around MIL. You need to let your husband know that you have felt abandoned by what you perceive as his lack of support.

And then you need to be quiet and listen to him. He may be checking out because he is afraid to confront you and call you out on being overly sensitive or critical of MIL. Who knows. The bottom line is that you and he need to figure out how you are going to move forward together. It might be a good idea to enlist the help of a therapist. If husband struggles to confront, he may need a therapist there to help navigate the conversation.

This was exactly my thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking because my MIL just came over to see the kids and it ended in a screaming match. I feel that MIL has never respected me, she bullies me and is critical. She doesn't listen to me and says rude stuff. MIL has been driving me insane my whole marriage of almost 10 years. DH has never adequately intervened or stood up for me. So, a recent event happened with MIL where she did something that partially effected my child and I am furious about it. So she came over and we had it out --- yelling, screaming, etc. She called me crazy and said she better leave before she told me what she really thinks of me. FIL and DH had to shuffle her out the door.

DH has not spoken to me since they left. Pretty sure he is mad at me because he is one to ignore issues and not be confrontational.

I am just so upset. Wanted to vent.

How very Jerry Springer Show of you. A screaming match with your MIL. Not good. Not good. I really hope that you don't have a creaming match with your DIL when the time comes.

^^^ Pffft! Whatever! Leave the op alone. She had ten 10 TEN, TEN. FUCKING. YEARS. of mils shit! You deal with shit from inlaws for ten minutes yet alone 10 years and see what you would do!

Op ignore the hate comments, go fix yourself a well deserved margarita and feel that weight lifted off of your shoulders! Congrats girl!

I have only had 6 years of in law shit & shenanigans and it's been the hardest 6 years of my life! It's so hard on a marriage. It's hard on you with every single birthday & every single holiday just wondering and waiting when they are going to say and do their thing. I finally had enough these past few years while my hubby said nothing and would just let things go by the waste side. Mil,and I finally had a yelling/ raised voice hour long meeting a few months ago after she was cut off for a few months. It felt freaking great to finally speak my mind and call her on her shit. My hubby again said nothing but finally came to realize after I basically told him that he needs to believe me and stand beside me or let me off the crazy train as I wanted out. I was done. I love him more than anything but seriously can not deal with his parents shit anymore. Well they started it up again and tonight is the first time my hubby actually screamed back at them over the phone but he finally stood up for me. He basically said if they can not respect me than they do not need to be around us or the kids. I honestly never thought we would make it to this point, but realized it took him a good solid 3 years to open his eyes and for him to come to terms with it. Again I was ready to walk, or run as I could not take the drama anymore! I wanted to be happy! It took him a while and quite a few fights for us to be able to verbalized all of our feeling on both sides too. Counseling may be a good thing for you too.
Ps.. No need to apologize to anyone! Your hubby & inlaws needs to apologize to you!!
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Ps. You hubby is quiet because he sees the two women he loves fighting and I am sure that is hard. No matter how crappy your parents are they are still your parents. It's like you can put them down, but no one else can.

But I bet he is quiet not because he is mad at you, but because he doesn't know how to act or what to do. I bet he actually sides with you but is too afraid to stand up to his bully mom!

[Anonymous]

You are the same people who would cry " abuse" if DH yelled at you. Yelling is not ok just because it is MIL. grow up and communicate like an adult not a petulant child.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you give us some more information about how your MIL has been treating you all these years? And what was the event that affected your child? Sounds like you went all "mama bear" on her, which resulted in the unleashing of many years of pent-up resentment.

I agree with the PP who said that this is a new chapter, so it's good that the dynamic between the two of you can change. Have you figured out the things you want from her? Have you figured out the things she wants from you that you can give her? Your husband needs to get on board with supporting you more and helping stick up for his nuclear family. Have you talked with him about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking because my MIL just came over to see the kids and it ended in a screaming match. I feel that MIL has never respected me, she bullies me and is critical. She doesn't listen to me and says rude stuff. MIL has been driving me insane my whole marriage of almost 10 years. DH has never adequately intervened or stood up for me. So, a recent event happened with MIL where she did something that partially effected my child and I am furious about it. So she came over and we had it out --- yelling, screaming, etc. She called me crazy and said she better leave before she told me what she really thinks of me. FIL and DH had to shuffle her out the door.

DH has not spoken to me since they left. Pretty sure he is mad at me because he is one to ignore issues and not be confrontational.

I am just so upset. Wanted to vent.

How very Jerry Springer Show of you. A screaming match with your MIL. Not good. Not good. I really hope that you don't have a creaming match with your DIL when the time comes.

^^^ Pffft! Whatever! Leave the op alone. She had ten 10 TEN, TEN. FUCKING. YEARS. of mils shit! You deal with shit from inlaws for ten minutes yet alone 10 years and see what you would do!

Op ignore the hate comments, go fix yourself a well deserved margarita and feel that weight lifted off of your shoulders! Congrats girl!

I have only had 6 years of in law shit & shenanigans and it's been the hardest 6 years of my life! It's so hard on a marriage. It's hard on you with every single birthday & every single holiday just wondering and waiting when they are going to say and do their thing. I finally had enough these past few years while my hubby said nothing and would just let things go by the waste side. Mil,and I finally had a yelling/ raised voice hour long meeting a few months ago after she was cut off for a few months. It felt freaking great to finally speak my mind and call her on her shit. My hubby again said nothing but finally came to realize after I basically told him that he needs to believe me and stand beside me or let me off the crazy train as I wanted out. I was done. I love him more than anything but seriously can not deal with his parents shit anymore. Well they started it up again and tonight is the first time my hubby actually screamed back at them over the phone but he finally stood up for me. He basically said if they can not respect me than they do not need to be around us or the kids. I honestly never thought we would make it to this point, but realized it took him a good solid 3 years to open his eyes and for him to come to terms with it. Again I was ready to walk, or run as I could not take the drama anymore! I wanted to be happy! It took him a while and quite a few fights for us to be able to verbalized all of our feeling on both sides too. Counseling may be a good thing for you too.
Ps.. No need to apologize to anyone! Your hubby & inlaws needs to apologize to you!!
Good luck!

Can I yell at you for using the term "hubby?
JUST STOP!!!!!!!