Making $500k and not feeling wealthy in NW

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I understand op. my situation is somewhat different. I sah and have 2 young children. We live in the burbs and my 4 yr old thinks that we are poor because we don't live in a 10 million dollar mansion. We are by no means poor and our house is worth about 2 million but to my 4 yr old it isn't good enough. Only going to disney world once in his short life is not good enough. Private pre school I think is to blame and I am seriously considering public school for kindergarten.He told me my car which is a Honda pilot is not good enough and he feels embarrassed. I grew up middle class and never felt embarrassed or ashamed of my parents. And what baffles me the most is we are upper middle class for this area.

Wow. You have your work cut out for you with your 4 year old. If I were you, that would be keeping me up at night, literally.

We have four grown kids and one still at home. As a parent, I would feel like a complete failure if any of my kids had that kind of attitude.

Wait you mean the post about the 4 year old wasn't a joke?

No it's not a joke. This attitude just started about 2 months ago. After a few play dates with a very wealthy classmate. Thanks for making me feel more like a failure. I am a modest person. My kids don't get everything they want. But they have way more then they need. I think the kids at school are causing this insecurity in my ds. Dh and I don't know where else it could be coming from. We are financially very secure and live a great life. Ds just turned 4 and doesn't have friends that are "poor" he has no concept of that.

Yes you seriously might want to consider public school. Also do you have friends of varying incomes? That can be helpful. We are on the "poorer" side for DC - so I like to point out to my kid that some of her friends live in townhouses too - even though other friends live in big single family homes.

We do have a few friends who live in town homes but most of then seem to want to do play dates at the park or meet somewhere else since their homes are smaller. Ds is having a really hard time with this friend who of course is his best friend. He will say why do we only have 2 cars "tommy" has 8 cars. The first time the boy came to our house he commented on how small it is. Our house is 8,000 square feet. I try to explain to ds most children don't live like " Tommy" but he is jealous. I'm hoping this phase passes soon.

Most people don't have 8000 sq feet.... I wish your son realized this. Maybe the friendship with "tommy" needs to taper off....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes you seriously might want to consider public school. Also do you have friends of varying incomes? That can be helpful. We are on the "poorer" side for DC - so I like to point out to my kid that some of her friends live in townhouses too - even though other friends live in big single family homes.

We do have a few friends who live in town homes but most of then seem to want to do play dates at the park or meet somewhere else since their homes are smaller. Ds is having a really hard time with this friend who of course is his best friend. He will say why do we only have 2 cars "tommy" has 8 cars. The first time the boy came to our house he commented on how small it is. Our house is 8,000 square feet. I try to explain to ds most children don't live like " Tommy" but he is jealous. I'm hoping this phase passes soon.

I am sure it's a phase, but also think of it as a teaching opportunity. read him a story about third world village life (I am sure there are uplifting books out there about what life is like - doesn't have to be sad). take him with and volunteer at a pantry or clothes closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand op. my situation is somewhat different. I sah and have 2 young children. We live in the burbs and my 4 yr old thinks that we are poor because we don't live in a 10 million dollar mansion. We are by no means poor and our house is worth about 2 million but to my 4 yr old it isn't good enough. Only going to disney world once in his short life is not good enough. Private pre school I think is to blame and I am seriously considering public school for kindergarten.He told me my car which is a Honda pilot is not good enough and he feels embarrassed. I grew up middle class and never felt embarrassed or ashamed of my parents. And what baffles me the most is we are upper middle class for this area.

Wow. You have your work cut out for you with your 4 year old. If I were you, that would be keeping me up at night, literally.

We have four grown kids and one still at home. As a parent, I would feel like a complete failure if any of my kids had that kind of attitude.

Wait you mean the post about the 4 year old wasn't a joke?

No it's not a joke. This attitude just started about 2 months ago. After a few play dates with a very wealthy classmate. Thanks for making me feel more like a failure. I am a modest person. My kids don't get everything they want. But they have way more then they need. I think the kids at school are causing this insecurity in my ds. Dh and I don't know where else it could be coming from. We are financially very secure and live a great life. Ds just turned 4 and doesn't have friends that are "poor" he has no concept of that.

Oh man. If I had a 4 year old (a 4 year old!) with such entitlement issues, there would be drastic and immediate changes. There is no excuse for that kind do behavior or attitude from a 4 year old.

[Anonymous]

I get you. FWIW, we were making about that in DC and then left for a smaller city up north. We make about the same give or take (depends on bonus) but feel much more affluent. Since living expenses are so low here, we can afford to save more (200k +) and still take at least 3 nice vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to make at least $617k to feel wealthy in DC.

If you want to feel wealthy move to VA or MD
Maryland had the fifth-highest threshold, almost $477,000. And Virginia’s was eighth highest, at more than $427,000.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/what-it-takes-to-be-a-1-percenter-in-the-washington-area/2012/02/01/gIQA571JiQ_story.html

Only the 1% feel wealthy? I doubt that - if you have all you need and want with some extra left over for charity, vacations, and savings then you'll feel wealthy. You can achieve that while being well below the 1%, or 10%, or even 20% for this area, by living below your means. If you're living at or above your means, no amount of wealth will make you feel wealthy.

[Anonymous]

^ Maybe look into moving to a lower COL area? We were skeptical at first that we'd like our smaller city but it has been a great fit so far. The only problem is the cold. But the big bonus is that there is practically no traffic!

[Anonymous]

The only way to escape this is to move, either to the suburbs where you'll be able to save money on private school or to a less expensive part of the country. While we love our private and the parents are very nice and down-to-earth, it is hard not feeling wealthy when most of the playdates and parties you attend are in $2M+ homes and it seems like everyone belongs to a country club and travels a lot. However, we all make choices. If you want to stay in NW and send your kids to private, you'll never be wealthy compared to the people you surround yourself with. Either make peace with it or move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand op. my situation is somewhat different. I sah and have 2 young children. We live in the burbs and my 4 yr old thinks that we are poor because we don't live in a 10 million dollar mansion. We are by no means poor and our house is worth about 2 million but to my 4 yr old it isn't good enough. Only going to disney world once in his short life is not good enough. Private pre school I think is to blame and I am seriously considering public school for kindergarten.He told me my car which is a Honda pilot is not good enough and he feels embarrassed. I grew up middle class and never felt embarrassed or ashamed of my parents. And what baffles me the most is we are upper middle class for this area.

This is a factor of the people you and your children spend time with. Get new friends. Get new friends for your child if these are not your values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand op. my situation is somewhat different. I sah and have 2 young children. We live in the burbs and my 4 yr old thinks that we are poor because we don't live in a 10 million dollar mansion. We are by no means poor and our house is worth about 2 million but to my 4 yr old it isn't good enough. Only going to disney world once in his short life is not good enough. Private pre school I think is to blame and I am seriously considering public school for kindergarten.He told me my car which is a Honda pilot is not good enough and he feels embarrassed. I grew up middle class and never felt embarrassed or ashamed of my parents. And what baffles me the most is we are upper middle class for this area.

You need to expand his world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to make at least $617k to feel wealthy in DC.

If you want to feel wealthy move to VA or MD
Maryland had the fifth-highest threshold, almost $477,000. And Virginia’s was eighth highest, at more than $427,000.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/what-it-takes-to-be-a-1-percenter-in-the-washington-area/2012/02/01/gIQA571JiQ_story.html

Only the 1% feel wealthy? I doubt that - if you have all you need and want with some extra left over for charity, vacations, and savings then you'll feel wealthy. You can achieve that while being well below the 1%, or 10%, or even 20% for this area, by living below your means. If you're living at or above your means, no amount of wealth will make you feel wealthy.

I agree. Our HHI is $160k and I feel very rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to make at least $617k to feel wealthy in DC.

If you want to feel wealthy move to VA or MD
Maryland had the fifth-highest threshold, almost $477,000. And Virginia’s was eighth highest, at more than $427,000.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/what-it-takes-to-be-a-1-percenter-in-the-washington-area/2012/02/01/gIQA571JiQ_story.html

Only the 1% feel wealthy? I doubt that - if you have all you need and want with some extra left over for charity, vacations, and savings then you'll feel wealthy. You can achieve that while being well below the 1%, or 10%, or even 20% for this area, by living below your means. If you're living at or above your means, no amount of wealth will make you feel wealthy.

I agree. Our HHI is $160k and I feel very rich.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

I can only conclude that "feeling wealthy" means "not ever having to think about money ever." So if you ever even have to check the balance on your accounts or can't afford the too of the market, you don't "feel wealthy." There seems to be no way to "feel wealthy" unless you are as rich as the richest person around.

[Anonymous]

I think OP's feeling is universal because:

we tend to overestimate income (by thinking in terms of gross, not net), then underestimate our expenses, and that's how we all can feel poor.


The basic personal finance advice of writing down your expenses would be eye-opening to many from most income brackets.

And that's when it comes down to choices.

We say to ourselves "but I make $500k a year" and that immediately equates to some lifestyle that may not be realistic based on our current choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to make at least $617k to feel wealthy in DC.

If you want to feel wealthy move to VA or MD
Maryland had the fifth-highest threshold, almost $477,000. And Virginia’s was eighth highest, at more than $427,000.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/what-it-takes-to-be-a-1-percenter-in-the-washington-area/2012/02/01/gIQA571JiQ_story.html

Only the 1% feel wealthy? I doubt that - if you have all you need and want with some extra left over for charity, vacations, and savings then you'll feel wealthy. You can achieve that while being well below the 1%, or 10%, or even 20% for this area, by living below your means. If you're living at or above your means, no amount of wealth will make you feel wealthy.

I agree. Our HHI is $160k and I feel very rich.

Same here.

Us too, we're at $180k. We'll probably feel less wealthy, ie - have to think a bit more about our purchases but still have what we need, once baby #2 is here but once one of us gets our next promotion, I think we'll be back to our comfy zone, even with two in full time care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only conclude that "feeling wealthy" means "not ever having to think about money ever." So if you ever even have to check the balance on your accounts or can't afford the too of the market, you don't "feel wealthy." There seems to be no way to "feel wealthy" unless you are as rich as the richest person around.

You are wrong. I am one of the PPs whose HHI is about $160,000. I have to think about money. I have to check and double check balances. I shop sales and use coupons. I carefully budget our money.

I feel very wealthy because we are able live in a nice house in a safe neighborhood. My children go to good schools. They wear nice clothes. They can participate in extra-curricular activities. We have air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter. We have plenty of food - way more than we need. We can take roads trips to visit family every year and we can afford little vacations here and there. We have great health insurance. My DH has a relatively flexible job. We can afford for me to SAH.

Seriously...What more could I possibly ask for? In a country where children go to bed hungry, how could I possibly complain about "not feeling wealthy". Stop and think about how incredibly selfish you sound. "Feeling wealthy" will happen when you learn to appreciate what you have and when you stop comparing your things to other people's things.