Wives, does mens' need for sex make you angry?

[Anonymous]

OP, I suspect she gets pissed because a) she feels guilty for not wanting what you want and b) she may see your playful suggestions as a means to an end. Like you wouldn't be being flirtatious and playful unless you wanted sex to happen as a result.

This describes me. I love my DH and am very happy with him but I am not attracted to him. I feel guilty about that. I'd rather him think that I have low sex drive than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I suspect she gets pissed because a) she feels guilty for not wanting what you want and b) she may see your playful suggestions as a means to an end. Like you wouldn't be being flirtatious and playful unless you wanted sex to happen as a result.

This describes me. I love my DH and am very happy with him but I am not attracted to him. I feel guilty about that. I'd rather him think that I have low sex drive than the alternative.

DH here: I don't think it is fair to your DH for you to be dishonest about what is an absolutely central aspect of marriage for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After being married once and reading this thread, it's clear I'm never getting married again.

I've been with my girlfriend more than 3 years and the sex has not slowed down. I initiate. She initiates. Most importantly, I have NEVER been turned down. What? I have gotten more head from her in 3 years than my ex-wife and my longtime girlfriend before her (that spans well over a decade).

Living alone, I understand the importance of things that need to get done, from cleaning to dishes to laundry, etc., along with taking care of a child half the time. But yeah, with the exception of my child, all those other things can wait when it comes to having sex.

The person who said low-libido women make a list to justify or hide their low-libido may be on the mark, but I suspect it's more desire than libido. Because, if the same women were having an affair, you can be damned sure shed made time for the OM in ways she claims she cannot do for her DH.

I totally agree and I am a divorced woman. When you separate your romantic life from all the other crap of chores, bills, finance, it's much easier to keep the passion alive.

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps there's some self esteem issue or some issue in the past that is holding your wife back? Or maybe something in your sexual relationship, that if slightly modified, will make it much more appealing to her? Or, could it just be hormones???

I ask as a woman who just came off of 2 plus years of almost non existent libido because of breast feeding... Have rediscovered sex with my husband and it's been incredible. He's pretty happy about this, needless to say.

Ultimately, I think communication is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a pretty awesome husband and father. My wife acknowledges that. (She's also a pretty awesome wife and mother for that matter.) She wants to want to have sex with me, and it makes her sad and anxious that she doesn't. On her own, sex once, maybe twice, a month would be enough. She makes an effort and we manage almost once a week these days. But, while she feels sad and anxious about my desire for sex, I feel depressed about her lack of attraction to me. We've been married for 15 years and deeply love, respect, and like one another. But the sex issue is a definite challenge for us.

Bottom line, this isn't going to change unless you make it clear that this is something you are willing to end the marriage over, and are attractive enough that doing so seems like a bad outcome to her. Once you have done as much as you can to try to increase her attraction to you, and find that it still isn't enough, you are looking at a tough decision to make: suffer, cheat, or leave. All bad options. I'm working through similar issues myself, and hope it doesn't come to that, but I am starting to believe that once a woman has lost sexual interest in you, it's not fixable.

I am the wife in a marriage in which my H simply says, it's not that I'm not attracted to you, it's that I naturally have a lower sex drive. His energy level is lower too, always has been, so maybe it's just that. Same result though, which makes me feel undesirable and vulnerable to attention from other men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am always so puzzled by these posts. I want nothing more than for my DH to give it up 2-3x a week. I beg. I wish, so so badly, that I could find a man who would just keep up with me and still want it, no matter how long we've been together.

NP, I'm with you. But I found a boyfriend. Had to, it was the only way to be sexually satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am always so puzzled by these posts. I want nothing more than for my DH to give it up 2-3x a week. I beg. I wish, so so badly, that I could find a man who would just keep up with me and still want it, no matter how long we've been together.

I am a wife, who likes to have sex with my DH. As often as he can manage and however he wants it!

I do find that both DH and I tend to resolve arguments rather quickly, because being pissed and not having sex is like punishing yourself and the spouse. What is the point of this kind of mutual misery?

As I am writing this, I realized that maybe DH and I don't fight much and have sex regularly with each other, because we are fairly nice people and like each other.

We may be grouchy now and then but neither one of us is a jerk. I have no idea of what a person faces in their own relationship to actually not want sex...

Do you have children? Do you both working demanding full time jobs? If the answer is no to either question, you couldn't possibly get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:umm no. I want it much more often than my husband. I am so sick of this stereotype of sexless women. It's all about the individual, not the gender.

+1. Another woman here.

My DH uses anger to push away my request for more sex, i.e., he will seem upset about it, but it is really a defense mechanism (as he freely admits when not in the moment).

Wow my DH uses anger as a defense mechanism too. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:umm no. I want it much more often than my husband. I am so sick of this stereotype of sexless women. It's all about the individual, not the gender.

+1. Another woman here.

My DH uses anger to push away my request for more sex, i.e., he will seem upset about it, but it is really a defense mechanism (as he freely admits when not in the moment).

Wow my DH uses anger as a defense mechanism too. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a pretty awesome husband and father. My wife acknowledges that. (She's also a pretty awesome wife and mother for that matter.) She wants to want to have sex with me, and it makes her sad and anxious that she doesn't. On her own, sex once, maybe twice, a month would be enough. She makes an effort and we manage almost once a week these days. But, while she feels sad and anxious about my desire for sex, I feel depressed about her lack of attraction to me. We've been married for 15 years and deeply love, respect, and like one another. But the sex issue is a definite challenge for us.

Bottom line, this isn't going to change unless you make it clear that this is something you are willing to end the marriage over, and are attractive enough that doing so seems like a bad outcome to her. Once you have done as much as you can to try to increase her attraction to you, and find that it still isn't enough, you are looking at a tough decision to make: suffer, cheat, or leave. All bad options. I'm working through similar issues myself, and hope it doesn't come to that, but I am starting to believe that once a woman has lost sexual interest in you, it's not fixable.

I am the wife in a marriage in which my H simply says, it's not that I'm not attracted to you, it's that I naturally have a lower sex drive. His energy level is lower too, always has been, so maybe it's just that. Same result though, which makes me feel undesirable and vulnerable to attention from other men.

That's a tough one, I think it actually may be harder for the women in that position to deal with, since my guess is they have far less experience dealing with sexual rejection than men do. Of course, it will probably be easier for you to find other men if your DH does not step up, too. So there's that.