Wives, does mens' need for sex make you angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husbands,
If you are not getting enough sex, try COMPLIMENTING AND APPRECIATING your wife more. Verbally. It's really important to women and will change your relationship.

There is always something to sincerely compliment, btw. No need to lie.

I can't imagine a truly sex starved husband hasn't tried this at some point. "It's been 6 months with no sex. You mean if I tell her she looks pretty, she'll want to fuck me?"

I don't know, maybe that's the problem sometimes.

You have to say it like you really mean it, and especially in a way that does not at all hint you may be just saying this to get sex.

I also suspect OP is of northern European descent. Men from other nations are much better at complimenting women. Men from Europe, you can just see the gears in their head going "okay, I said it. I guess I get sex now". You also have the feeling that they don't really like women, just sex. You need see the joy in their eyes that some men show when they see almost any woman, just a kind of worshipful, joyful pleasure in the company of a woman.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I am always so puzzled by these posts. I want nothing more than for my DH to give it up 2-3x a week. I beg. I wish, so so badly, that I could find a man who would just keep up with me and still want it, no matter how long we've been together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am always so puzzled by these posts. I want nothing more than for my DH to give it up 2-3x a week. I beg. I wish, so so badly, that I could find a man who would just keep up with me and still want it, no matter how long we've been together.

I am a wife, who likes to have sex with my DH. As often as he can manage and however he wants it!

I do find that both DH and I tend to resolve arguments rather quickly, because being pissed and not having sex is like punishing yourself and the spouse. What is the point of this kind of mutual misery?

As I am writing this, I realized that maybe DH and I don't fight much and have sex regularly with each other, because we are fairly nice people and like each other.

We may be grouchy now and then but neither one of us is a jerk. I have no idea of what a person faces in their own relationship to actually not want sex...

[Anonymous]

If you want sex, you have to compliment her. But you can't compliment her because you want sex. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband just says how about some pussy and I say okay. Then for the next 7 minutes I think about what color paint would look good on my front door or the valance I'm thinking about buying.

I never tell my husband no.

But does your husband just get it up and stick it in? I'd have sex every night too if that's all it took. Unfortunately DH requires all kinds of foreplay and hard work on my part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of low drive women think they'd want sex more if only the chores were done. I think some low drive women actually would want sex more if the chores were done. But in most cases, I'd say that they're fooling themselves. If sex is a low enough priority, there will *always* be one more thing to do before you're too tired and just want to sleep.

Fact is, when you're attracted enough, people get awfully creative about fitting sex into the schedule. For example, scheduling pressure doesn't seem to prevent people having affairs from having sex before the laundry's done.

If you don't have time for sex, chances are you don't want to have time for sex.

This, definitely. When you're dying to have sex with someone, no load of dishes is going to stand in your way.

Women, think about it this way. What if your husband said he'd love to compliment you, make you dinner, drink wine with you and then rub your back, but he just has to finish loading the dishwasher, and get the clothes out of the dryer, and vacuum the living room, and then at the end of all that, oh gosh, honey, sorry but now I'm too tired.

I think that is what it's like for men. Sex is love for a husband, affirmation that you need him, that he's important.

Now, for the women who won't give him what he wants (sex) because he's not giving her what she wants (help with housework) lay out the quid pro quo for him and see if he complies. Just tell him, I will have sex with you X number of times per week and it will be hot, scorching sex too, but you have to take out the trash every day without me asking, unload the dishwasher and help dc with their homework. See if that works?

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP's comparison about sex-for-husband versus service/affirmation-for-wife. But as to the last part, transactional sex is just a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you heard of the book The Love Languages (or something like that)? From what I recall there are 5 different categories and a person typically falls into one. If your love language is physical connection (as it is for most men) and she's trying to fill your tank with verbal affirmations - you aren't feeling loved. If her love language is acts of service and you're trying to love her through physical connection - she isn't feeling loved.

OP here. Never heard of it but just checked it out online. Looks a bit cheesy for me, but I'm going to try it out anyway. At a minimum, I want to make the effort and hope she will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:umm no. I want it much more often than my husband. I am so sick of this stereotype of sexless women. It's all about the individual, not the gender.

Me too. I've been married to a man with a low sex drive for 23 years. Someone mentioned "live with it, have an affair or leave." I'm not going to have an affair or leave so I've gotten somewhat used to it but it makes me feel physically unwanted and sad.

[Anonymous]

Why do I feel one man starts a lot of the threads on this forum, and that this is one if them?

[Anonymous]

You feel that way because so many men are undersexed. And they think about it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I need to be given advanced warning to get in the mental mood. If it's 10:30 and we're getting into bed, then I'm looking forward to relaxing and going to sleep, and yes, I'm not thrilled by him asking for sex. However, if he texts me, rubs my back a bit when he gets home, etc, then I am expecting sex when 10:30 rolls around.

But as others have said, not all women are alike. Your wife might get pissed off if you text her about sex during the day, who knows. Maybe you should put sex on the back burner and date your wife again. Just eliminate the sex argument for a month or so and concentrate on romancing her and see if that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a pretty awesome husband and father. My wife acknowledges that. (She's also a pretty awesome wife and mother for that matter.) She wants to want to have sex with me, and it makes her sad and anxious that she doesn't. On her own, sex once, maybe twice, a month would be enough. She makes an effort and we manage almost once a week these days. But, while she feels sad and anxious about my desire for sex, I feel depressed about her lack of attraction to me. We've been married for 15 years and deeply love, respect, and like one another. But the sex issue is a definite challenge for us.

Wow. This is spot on. I'm the wife in this scenario. We have a wonderful 28-year relationship, and I want to want sex. I'd be happy with once a month but have sex one to two times a week. One thing we've agreed on is that he won't ask for sex. I hate being asked...it feels like pressure and I get angry. But our understanding is that I'm aware that he would like sex all the time, and I never go too long without initiating. I don't get that into it, but I like that he feels good. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

I felt put-upon and like my best efforts were never enough. It's a demand that will never be satisfied.

Now that I am divorced I have my sex drive back. But the obligation of sex in marriage is a real boner killer for me.

[Anonymous]

After being married once and reading this thread, it's clear I'm never getting married again.

I've been with my girlfriend more than 3 years and the sex has not slowed down. I initiate. She initiates. Most importantly, I have NEVER been turned down. What? I have gotten more head from her in 3 years than my ex-wife and my longtime girlfriend before her (that spans well over a decade).

Living alone, I understand the importance of things that need to get done, from cleaning to dishes to laundry, etc., along with taking care of a child half the time. But yeah, with the exception of my child, all those other things can wait when it comes to having sex.

The person who said low-libido women make a list to justify or hide their low-libido may be on the mark, but I suspect it's more desire than libido. Because, if the same women were having an affair, you can be damned sure shed made time for the OM in ways she claims she cannot do for her DH.