Disappointed in your parents as grandparents?

[Anonymous]

What was your relationship with your parents and in laws like before you had kids? Was their visiting? Did you move away from their town or are they local? IME our relationship is exactly the same as before, just with kids in the mix now, and that's the basis of the grandparent/grandchild relationship. We do pretty much the same amount of visiting back and forth with both sets as we did before.

Also agree with the PP who said you have to let grandparents do the quality time their own way, without judgment. My kids' grandparents feed my kids ice cream for breakfast when they feel like it. They are way stricter about post lunch quiet time than we are. They buy battery operated toys I hate. They buy frilly dresses and bows for my DD that I cringe at the thought of her wearing. Their tv is on all the time. I'm not saying you do this, but if I were trying to have serious talks with them about "our philosophy" about these things it would be a big turnoff for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had really amazing grandparents. They didn't babysit us. They didn't lavish us with presents. But they were always there. At everything. Sports games. Plays. School events. Birthday parties. Etc. We had sleepovers at their house. We had afterschool snacks with them. We sat with them every Sunday at church.

Proximity plays a huge roll. But my parents manage to see my kids at least once a month. We talk at least every other day, even if its just my Mom listening to the kids screaming at each other in the car. My mom knows their teachers names, their friends names, their activities, their likes and dislikes of the moment, etc. And they invite the older grandkids for Camp Mimi and Poppop every summer. One week with all kinds of fun activities.

IL's are a bit farther away, but they make no effort. If they manage to come, they often show up later than planned. (Sorry, we slept in, decided to take a long lunch, and then made 3 wrong turns so we are 8 hours late). They never seem to try to visit us. It is always on us to ask to come see them or invite them over. They don't know the kids- never talk on the phone to them- never send little cards. They are busy and have a lot going on, but its just obvious they are fine with a casual relationships. They buy token gifts at birthdays and holidays- but its not about the presents.

Its just different. Both grandparents love my kids, undoubtedly. And both probably would say they wish they saw us more. One set is just going out of their way to really establish a solid relationship despite the distance. And, knowing that it is possible, I am often sad and wonder why the other ones would not try to do the same.

If you were at your grandparents' overnight, they did indeed babysit.
Small point, though, you are lucky to have great parents and grandparents. Your parents probably learned from their parents.