Disappointed in your parents as grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you proactively invite them? I wonder if this is just a thing of them not wanting to impose and maybe your other siblings invite them over more often. Since they're all divorced and remarried, they may have a lot of family to tend to and the squeakiest wheel gets the most attention.

I wouldn't take their lack of engagement as a sign of anything other than you need to invite them over when you want to see them. My parents don't just invite themselves over to my home and they were initially very sheepish of suggesting visits. I gave a blanket endorsement for a rough schedule throughout the year and they've been more proactive in coming out since then. In some circles, it's rude to just invite yourself. Maybe you have polite grandparents. It could be worse.

Not the op, but I don't think this is the case. Bad grandparents like this look for reasons not to go. It's not a politeness t

[Anonymous]

Oops sorry hit send too soon.

I excused my inlaws for years until finally realizing they didn't like being around children anymore (or ever). Sad.

[Anonymous]

Is there some kind of online form one could fill out about what makes a great grandparent and then send it? Then they would know where they are failing you. Otherwise they are living their lives, and not yours, and don't know how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but I'm pretty sure they know. At best they don't think we notice. At worst they don't care. Probably a combo of the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This problem is common. And it can extend to uncles, aunts, etc. etc. It is a sad, but true, fact that nobody really cares about kids other than their parents.

I deeply love my kids. I care somewhat about my nieces and nephews. All other kids are pretty much irrelevant.

Having said that, I do plan to be an excellent grandparent.

Um, no. I would lay down my life for my nieces and nephews. I don't "care somewhat" about them. Jeesh, speak for yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP one thing to consider - and I'm not saying this is you, just pointing out a potential problem - is that some parents are so.freaking.controlling. about their kids that it's no fun to be around them. Can't feed them one drop of sugar, can't let them see ten minutes of TV, GOD FORBID they miss one minute of sleep time. Part of the fun of being a grandparent or aunt/uncle is the ability to spoil, and goof, and giggle, and forge an independent (mostly, of course not totally) relationship with the kid/s. Too many parents forget this, and make the relative feel as if everything they do is wrong, forbidden, and frowned upon, which will drive otherwise caring and interested relatives away. At some point, it can become too much work.

Again, not saying that's you, it may not be at all. Just offering the angle. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I realize this thread is really old but I wanted to thank the op and several others for sharing. I feel less alone in this which, by itself, is helpful. I still feel a profound sense of mourning and loss because I had expected a very different relationship but I am trying to reconcile these feelings and change my expectations.

[Anonymous]

Mine are far better grandparents than parents. Not perfect. But almost...um, not dysfunctional. It makes me both happy for my kids and sad for myself and my brother.

[Anonymous]

Knowing how my parents raised me, I had no expectations, so no resentment or sadness. It's par for the course that my mother would spend her visit telling my 5 year old DD not to eat so much otherwise she'll get fat! One of her least offensive things she's done, probably.

I don't expect anything from DH's parents, so am always pleasantly surprised when they do anything - they are nice people, just quite elderly, with ill health.

So anyway. At the end of the day, contentment should come from inside of you, and not be too dependent on others.

[Anonymous]

Hey, I'm up for grabs -all of you folks who have absent parents to grandparent your kids. We are totally game. Our kids are not having kids. So- here we are! You need grandparents and we need grandkids.....ad we would be the best grandparents ever.

It's a DEAL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you make them feel welcome or do you put them on a guilt yrop? If they are close with siblings then it could be you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are divorced, and one of them has never even met my daughter at all. My father has, he lives an hour and a half plane ride away and we see each other about 4 times a year. It's fine.

OP, honestly you sound like a petulant child who is whiny and unpleasant to be around. If you are teaching your children to be like you maybe the grandparents find your family unpleasant to be around as a whole. If all four couples keep away from you, maybe YOU are the problem you know?

You sound like a future shitty grandparent.

Why? Poster stated the obvious about op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP one thing to consider - and I'm not saying this is you, just pointing out a potential problem - is that some parents are so.freaking.controlling. about their kids that it's no fun to be around them. Can't feed them one drop of sugar, can't let them see ten minutes of TV, GOD FORBID they miss one minute of sleep time. Part of the fun of being a grandparent or aunt/uncle is the ability to spoil, and goof, and giggle, and forge an independent (mostly, of course not totally) relationship with the kid/s. Too many parents forget this, and make the relative feel as if everything they do is wrong, forbidden, and frowned upon, which will drive otherwise caring and interested relatives away. At some point, it can become too much work.

Again, not saying that's you, it may not be at all. Just offering the angle. Good luck to you.

Completely on point. This generation of patents are controlling, self-absorbed and suite frankly unpleasant to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you proactively invite them? I wonder if this is just a thing of them not wanting to impose and maybe your other siblings invite them over more often. Since they're all divorced and remarried, they may have a lot of family to tend to and the squeakiest wheel gets the most attention.

I wouldn't take their lack of engagement as a sign of anything other than you need to invite them over when you want to see them. My parents don't just invite themselves over to my home and they were initially very sheepish of suggesting visits. I gave a blanket endorsement for a rough schedule throughout the year and they've been more proactive in coming out since then. In some circles, it's rude to just invite yourself. Maybe you have polite grandparents. It could be worse.

Not the op, but I don't think this is the case. Bad grandparents like this look for reasons not to go. It's not a politeness t

For every poster complaining about uninvolved grandparents their us at least one complaining about those who font gave their win lives and visit goo much and another complaining about them not doing things "right" with the kids. Is it any wonder gparents stay away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was surprised how important your family is when you have children of your own. But, my family is not the helping type. Both my mom & MIL are retired and live in the area, but they rarely go out of their way to help out. My mil has never changed my DC's diapers, ever. She interacts more now that DC has "grown out of the baby stage". But she rarely spends more than 2 hours at a time. They both want the postcard version of xmas. For this xmas, my mom gave Thomas the Train for a non-toddler. It was similar to the one she gave couple of years ago. She gave me the store receipt saying that she didn't know what to buy.

I have come to terms with this while back. Just accept and control what you can. I really would have appreciated the help during the infant/toddler stage. Now that DC is little older and it's getting easier, I am looking forward to getting back to normal. I don't plan to play a big part in mil and my mom's retirement. They are on their own.

Wow -- so the fact they spent years raising you and your husband counts for nothing. They didn't change YOUR kids' diapers so, f*** them.
NICE!