When you realize your child will never have a sibling (not by choice)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents have lost a Real, Live child for chrissakes. You think you don't want a card with siblings! Get a clue!

What is this, the pain Olympics? Other people aren't allowed to feel their own sadness because someone else's is greater? Give me a break!

No, but seriously-I might avoid sending a card to a friend who had lost a child if it featured a big photo of my kids. But to a friend with only one child?! Seriously?

More projection. OP didn't say she either asked for nor expected her friends/family to not send her these cards. She simply said it made her sad. Get over yourself, mean girl.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but with the exception of the poster who lost a family member to violence, this thread is just self-indulgent. Everyone describes themselves as having been happy onlies, but yet they feel a terrible sense of loss for themselves because they can't have more children. It doesn't matter how many anecdotes people share about their cool relationships with their siblings or even their own happy childhoods, they are determined to feel sad, devastated even.

To me that sounds like unnecessarily dramatic and self-pitying. I'm sorry if I can't drum up sympathy for completely ridiculous "problems." And I do know what it means to only have one child and to want more, but unlike others I got over it pretty quickly when I realized that I never wanted my child to feel like she was not enough.

[Anonymous]

Yep, PP, everyone who doesn't feel the way you do is wrong. People like you suck.

[Anonymous]

By the way, "I'm sorry" is pretty well-recognized code for not giving a shit if you are being rude and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted siblings for my kids and they are all really close to each other (now grown). One biological kid; the rest are adopted.

I have friends who have only children and those kids are happy and doing great as well.

We all find the close friends and supporters that we need in life. Some of us find those people among our siblings... Or cousins.... Or college roommates.... Or spouses.

It does not matter who the people are, just that we have those people in our lives. Your only child will be fine. And you are their role model on how to make and sustain close relationships.

Family means the people you gather around you. It does not need to be biological relatives.

This is my favorite post in this entire thread. Very well said. So often sibling relationships don't measure up to some imagined ideal, but that's hard for most people to acknowledge. Contentment is found in valuing what you have, and family comes in many different forms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents have lost a Real, Live child for chrissakes. You think you don't want a card with siblings! Get a clue!

What is this, the pain Olympics? Other people aren't allowed to feel their own sadness because someone else's is greater? Give me a break!

No, but seriously-I might avoid sending a card to a friend who had lost a child if it featured a big photo of my kids. But to a friend with only one child?! Seriously?

More projection. OP didn't say she either asked for nor expected her friends/family to not send her these cards. She simply said it made her sad. Get over yourself, mean girl.

All of the PPs wallowing in their own drama need to get over themselves. Seriously, be grateful for what you have and try to teach your child to be that way, too. All the drama and wallowing is undoubtedly VERY hard on your marriages and children. Lighten up and try to embrace.

[Anonymous]

I have seen so many of my girlfriends who hate their sisters or are in competition with them that I did not want a sister for my DD. I am an only child.

Thankfully she got a brother.

I really need to hear stories about sisters who love each other. I have only heard bitchiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents have lost a Real, Live child for chrissakes. You think you don't want a card with siblings! Get a clue!

What is this, the pain Olympics? Other people aren't allowed to feel their own sadness because someone else's is greater? Give me a break!

No, but seriously-I might avoid sending a card to a friend who had lost a child if it featured a big photo of my kids. But to a friend with only one child?! Seriously?

More projection. OP didn't say she either asked for nor expected her friends/family to not send her these cards. She simply said it made her sad. Get over yourself, mean girl.

All of the PPs wallowing in their own drama need to get over themselves. Seriously, be grateful for what you have and try to teach your child to be that way, too. All the drama and wallowing is undoubtedly VERY hard on your marriages and children. Lighten up and try to embrace.

I give up. No one is wallowing. People express all kinds of thoughts and feelings on these forums. It doesn't mean that is what they are thinking, feeling or saying every minute of every day. If you clicked on this thread only to say something ugly, you are the last person who should be offering anyone else advice about how to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many of my girlfriends who hate their sisters or are in competition with them that I did not want a sister for my DD. I am an only child.

Thankfully she got a brother.

I really need to hear stories about sisters who love each other. I have only heard bitchiness.

I find this post odd.

My sister is my other half. The only person in this whole world whom I love more than my sister is my (only) child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many of my girlfriends who hate their sisters or are in competition with them that I did not want a sister for my DD. I am an only child.

Thankfully she got a brother.

I really need to hear stories about sisters who love each other. I have only heard bitchiness.

I find this post odd.

My sister is my other half. The only person in this whole world whom I love more than my sister is my (only) child.

You love your sister more than your spouse?

[Anonymous]

I find these posts about not being able to give you child a sibling a little weird. Quite frankly I think it's more traumatic for you as a parent then it is for your child.

I was an only child and I never felt like I missed out on anything, never felt sad or bad about being an only.

The only thing that got on my nerves was that people always assumed that I was spoiled since I was an only. My mom was a single parent who struggled to raise me so, no I was not spoiled.

When I had my child 2 years ago I never once thought OMG he's going to miss out if I don't give him a sibling. In fact, I had planned on only having one. Now I'm 9 and 1/2 months pregnant with #2. it was an accident. I certainly didnt do it to give him a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only child. My (otherwise very healthy) mom couldn't have more children after me for medical reasons. I used to BEG for a sibling and I'm sure I broke her heart. When I was old enough to understand she told me why I couldn't have one and I felt bad, for myself a little but mostly for her because it started to dawn on me how much my constant pestering must have upset her. In my heart I still wish I could have had a sibling, and I do feel like something was missing. But I can feel that way because it's in the abstract. My DH has a sibling with whom he never got along and now they don't speak. Giving your child a sibling doesn't necessarily guarantee you're giving them a friend for life. You sound like a great mom, and I'm sure you're doing whatever you can to make a great life for yourself and your kid. And I bet that they'll be grateful for it, just like I was. Hugs.

How old were you when your mom explained it to you?

PP here, I was probably 7 or 8.

[Anonymous]

For those who feel so very, very strongly about siblings--why not ART? Donor egg? Surrogate? Adoption? Foster parenting? There are so many routes to parenthood; why not pursue alternate solutions to give your child the sibling you want them to have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who feel so very, very strongly about siblings--why not ART? Donor egg? Surrogate? Adoption? Foster parenting? There are so many routes to parenthood; why not pursue alternate solutions to give your child the sibling you want them to have?

All of these cost $$.

This is the reason why some dont have a second child naturally in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those that are (or know) adult siblings who are not close, how are their relationships with their parents?

The adult families I know, it's not just the siblings who aren't close, it's the whole family. And, from what I've seen, it's because the parents weren't particularly emotive with their feelings, which left the kids being that way too.

I've never met a family where all the adult siblings have a great relationship with their parents, yet the siblings do not with each other. Except for some sort of major incident that tears them apart later, like lending a brother money that never gets returned or something like that that causes an immediate problem.

Well, I have. My brothers and I are not close but my relationship with our parents is great. And there wasn't any sort of "major incident" that tore us apart -- my siblings and I are very different and we don't get along -- it's not as though we fight all the time, it's just that we don't particularly like each other and so we don't make any effort to spend time together. It's sad.

Same boat here. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, but I have zero relationship with my brother. We are so different in some ways, but so alike in others. I don't always like the ways we are alike and remind myself of that when I feel it coming out in me. He was abusive to me growing up and is a complete sociopath in our family, but very successful in business (where he must have a personality we've never seen -- he'd never climb the later with crap at work like he inflicts on our family). Nonetheless, I don't foresee us ever having a relationship. Buying Christmas presents to mail to his family (haven't seen them in over a year) was like buying gifts for strangers. I just stumbled around until I picked something and wrapped it with a gift receipt.

To be honest, it is one of the primary factors in me only wanting one child. I want better for my child. Having a brother who I fear and loathe and love, all at the same time, is excruciating.