When you realize your child will never have a sibling (not by choice)

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child. My (otherwise very healthy) mom couldn't have more children after me for medical reasons. I used to BEG for a sibling and I'm sure I broke her heart. When I was old enough to understand she told me why I couldn't have one and I felt bad, for myself a little but mostly for her because it started to dawn on me how much my constant pestering must have upset her. In my heart I still wish I could have had a sibling, and I do feel like something was missing. But I can feel that way because it's in the abstract. My DH has a sibling with whom he never got along and now they don't speak. Giving your child a sibling doesn't necessarily guarantee you're giving them a friend for life. You sound like a great mom, and I'm sure you're doing whatever you can to make a great life for yourself and your kid. And I bet that they'll be grateful for it, just like I was. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Okay, fine. Share away. Came across as presuming and superior to me, as though I am not handling my situation with "resilience and grace.". And yes, saying "you get what you get and don't get upset IS belittling, and uber obnoxious. Different people have different ways of dealing with these situations, and platitudes don't help.

Well, if you were the PP who wrote:

Wow. You are a grade A cunt. Probably good you can't have more kids. Don't fucking tell me how to feel bitch - you don't know me, my family, or my situation, nor do you know how we are handling it. So FUCK you.

then, yes, I would say you are not handling it with "resilience and grace."

I am that PP and yes, I am. In my real life populated with decent people. But on an anonymous forum, I don't have to hold back what I really think about rude, judgmental people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Okay, fine. Share away. Came across as presuming and superior to me, as though I am not handling my situation with "resilience and grace.". And yes, saying "you get what you get and don't get upset IS belittling, and uber obnoxious. Different people have different ways of dealing with these situations, and platitudes don't help.

Well, if you were the PP who wrote:

Wow. You are a grade A cunt. Probably good you can't have more kids. Don't fucking tell me how to feel bitch - you don't know me, my family, or my situation, nor do you know how we are handling it. So FUCK you.

then, yes, I would say you are not handling it with "resilience and grace."

I am that PP and yes, I am. In my real life populated with decent people. But on an anonymous forum, I don't have to hold back what I really think about rude, judgmental people.

And yet you expect others to censor their opinions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Okay, fine. Share away. Came across as presuming and superior to me, as though I am not handling my situation with "resilience and grace.". And yes, saying "you get what you get and don't get upset IS belittling, and uber obnoxious. Different people have different ways of dealing with these situations, and platitudes don't help.

Well, if you were the PP who wrote:

Wow. You are a grade A cunt. Probably good you can't have more kids. Don't fucking tell me how to feel bitch - you don't know me, my family, or my situation, nor do you know how we are handling it. So FUCK you.

then, yes, I would say you are not handling it with "resilience and grace."

I am that PP and yes, I am. In my real life populated with decent people. But on an anonymous forum, I don't have to hold back what I really think about rude, judgmental people.

And yet you expect others to censor their opinions?

Yes, yes I do. I expect people who don't know me or the specifics of my situation to refrain from saying rude, insensitive things like "buck the hell up" and intimating that all women in my situation are "geriatric moms.". Indeed I do. If you can't handle someone calling you out for the rude bitches you are the don't be a rude bitch in the first place. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's that time of year when parents of +1 post pics of kids holding hands, smiling, etc. I'm not a sentimentalist and grew up as a happy only child, but that image of holding hands, really struck a nerve. My kid won't have a sibling.

Good lord! You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Some parents have lost a Real, Live child for chrissakes. You think you don't want a card with siblings! Get a clue!

[Anonymous]

OP, just remember that in order to capture that Hallmark image of the kids holding hands, the parents had to first endure 45 minutes of them hitting each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's that time of year when parents of +1 post pics of kids holding hands, smiling, etc. I'm not a sentimentalist and grew up as a happy only child, but that image of holding hands, really struck a nerve. My kid won't have a sibling.

Good lord! You are an idiot.

And you're an asshole. What's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some parents have lost a Real, Live child for chrissakes. You think you don't want a card with siblings! Get a clue!

What is this, the pain Olympics? Other people aren't allowed to feel their own sadness because someone else's is greater? Give me a break!

[Anonymous]

I have a sister 17 months younger than me. DH has a brother 17 months younger than him. Both of us adore our parents and have great relationships there; neither of us really likes our siblings. We can be civil, but never in a million years would we choose to spend time together outside of "mandatory" moments, such as Christmas or mom's birthday. Whenever both adult children (DH and brother or me and sister) are in our parents' home for longer than 24 hours, it's inevitable that arguments will start. We just really don't like each other.

We actually all live in different states now, and it's fantastic. I talk to my sister more now that she's in Seattle and I'm in DC than I ever did when we lived in the same state. (And by "more than ever", it's like 3-4 times per year, usually over email or text message).

I am THRILLED to be able to give my child the gift of full parental attention, a full college fund, vacations with friends instead of his sibling, etc. None of those would be as likely with a sibling.

[Anonymous]

I wanted siblings for my kids and they are all really close to each other (now grown). One biological kid; the rest are adopted.

I have friends who have only children and those kids are happy and doing great as well.

We all find the close friends and supporters that we need in life. Some of us find those people among our siblings... Or cousins.... Or college roommates.... Or spouses.

It does not matter who the people are, just that we have those people in our lives. Your only child will be fine. And you are their role model on how to make and sustain close relationships.

Family means the people you gather around you. It does not need to be biological relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted siblings for my kids and they are all really close to each other (now grown). One biological kid; the rest are adopted.

I have friends who have only children and those kids are happy and doing great as well.

We all find the close friends and supporters that we need in life. Some of us find those people among our siblings... Or cousins.... Or college roommates.... Or spouses.

It does not matter who the people are, just that we have those people in our lives. Your only child will be fine. And you are their role model on how to make and sustain close relationships.

Family means the people you gather around you. It does not need to be biological relatives.

Well said, thank you. This is indeed good to remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wanted siblings for my kids and they are all really close to each other (now grown). One biological kid; the rest are adopted.

I have friends who have only children and those kids are happy and doing great as well.

We all find the close friends and supporters that we need in life. Some of us find those people among our siblings... Or cousins.... Or college roommates.... Or spouses.

It does not matter who the people are, just that we have those people in our lives. Your only child will be fine. And you are their role model on how to make and sustain close relationships.

Family means the people you gather around you. It does not need to be biological relatives.

Well said, thank you. This is indeed good to remember.

Agreed. Thank you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only child. My (otherwise very healthy) mom couldn't have more children after me for medical reasons. I used to BEG for a sibling and I'm sure I broke her heart. When I was old enough to understand she told me why I couldn't have one and I felt bad, for myself a little but mostly for her because it started to dawn on me how much my constant pestering must have upset her. In my heart I still wish I could have had a sibling, and I do feel like something was missing. But I can feel that way because it's in the abstract. My DH has a sibling with whom he never got along and now they don't speak. Giving your child a sibling doesn't necessarily guarantee you're giving them a friend for life. You sound like a great mom, and I'm sure you're doing whatever you can to make a great life for yourself and your kid. And I bet that they'll be grateful for it, just like I was. Hugs.

How old were you when your mom explained it to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents have lost a Real, Live child for chrissakes. You think you don't want a card with siblings! Get a clue!

What is this, the pain Olympics? Other people aren't allowed to feel their own sadness because someone else's is greater? Give me a break!

No, but seriously-I might avoid sending a card to a friend who had lost a child if it featured a big photo of my kids. But to a friend with only one child?! Seriously?