Sister won't let me speak to my nephews

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bet is your sister is defensive because she's embarrassed. It's very hard to be called out on something when you feel powerless to fix it. It's even more demeaning when the person who calls you out looks down on you for it.

How about taking the high road? Apologize for meddling. You can simply say "I'm sorry for getting in your face about the dog. I was just afraid Fido might be in pain. I know he's your dog though so I'll let you do as you see fit. In the meantime, I miss Joey and would love to talk to him. I'm missing you guys this Christmas and want to hear all about what you are doing. He's a great kid. You're lucky."

This is good advice. I can't imagine why she would shut you out since that would be bad for her son and dog.

Your imagination is seriously lacking, then. OPs sister 's priority is to protect her family's autonomy. No sane person is going to allow an outsider who despises her ("she can go to hell") to meddle into her family affairs. OP doesn't seem to realize how deeply she has transgressed here and how difficult it is going to be for her to restore the relationship and the pet crazy people like you are not helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

Actually we do. You shared everything we need to know.

Hardly

NP here. Of course you did. You shared that you are a condescending arrogant person who judges all aspects of her sister's life and meddles in places where you think she is especially delinquent. Your sister has spent years living with your attitude and your latest action to criticize her for not treating a dog when they are struggling financially (granted, caused by their poor financial management skills) was the straw that broke the camel's back and she has decided that she needs to cut you off because she probably considers you the toxic relative. I'm not sure that you're going to redevelop a relationship with your nephew until you find a way to stop judging her because she probably won't open up again until she feels that she can be around you without your criticism bleeding into all of your body language, intonation, and facial expressions. You convey your attitude plenty through your writing, I'm sure it's more painfully obvious from your non-verbal communication.

You have no idea what you're even talking about.
You don't know me or anything about my life.
I find it rather odd and slightly creepy that you assume to know me or "my issues."

DCUM is full of amateur psychologists today.

I am not the PP, but I don't see any discussion of your issues here. From the facts of the case with your sister as you laid them out here, it looks like you consider your sister at fault and somehow still expect you will be able to talk to her son. You don't appear to understand her anger, while most people here do. She does seem a faulty person, but most people in her situation would react like her. I live a different life, I am financially responsible and I feel sorry for the dog, so I really don't relate to her at that level - but, if this were to happen to me (and especially if I knew or suspected you were contacting lawyers to get your way!) I would not let you near my child or my family, like, forever, or something close to that.

[Anonymous]

We had an elderly dog with bad teeth (14) We were broke at the time with childcare, house payments ect. The old teeth broke off and we had a toothless old dog for a couple more years. The dog was just fine. Vets make a fortune telling you to do dental surgery on elderly animals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

Actually we do. You shared everything we need to know.

Hardly

NP here. Of course you did. You shared that you are a condescending arrogant person who judges all aspects of her sister's life and meddles in places where you think she is especially delinquent. Your sister has spent years living with your attitude and your latest action to criticize her for not treating a dog when they are struggling financially (granted, caused by their poor financial management skills) was the straw that broke the camel's back and she has decided that she needs to cut you off because she probably considers you the toxic relative. I'm not sure that you're going to redevelop a relationship with your nephew until you find a way to stop judging her because she probably won't open up again until she feels that she can be around you without your criticism bleeding into all of your body language, intonation, and facial expressions. You convey your attitude plenty through your writing, I'm sure it's more painfully obvious from your non-verbal communication.

You have no idea what you're even talking about.
You don't know me or anything about my life.
I find it rather odd and slightly creepy that you assume to know me or "my issues."
DCUM is full of amateur psychologists today.

OP I hope you are at troll. You sound like a very immature and viciously angry person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

Actually we do. You shared everything we need to know.

Hardly

NP here. Of course you did. You shared that you are a condescending arrogant person who judges all aspects of her sister's life and meddles in places where you think she is especially delinquent. Your sister has spent years living with your attitude and your latest action to criticize her for not treating a dog when they are struggling financially (granted, caused by their poor financial management skills) was the straw that broke the camel's back and she has decided that she needs to cut you off because she probably considers you the toxic relative. I'm not sure that you're going to redevelop a relationship with your nephew until you find a way to stop judging her because she probably won't open up again until she feels that she can be around you without your criticism bleeding into all of your body language, intonation, and facial expressions. You convey your attitude plenty through your writing, I'm sure it's more painfully obvious from your non-verbal communication.

You have no idea what you're even talking about.
You don't know me or anything about my life.
I find it rather odd and slightly creepy that you assume to know me or "my issues."
DCUM is full of amateur psychologists today.

As a mom, I would be glad that you finally went over the line and I can start ending the unhealthy relationship with my 5 year old son. He does not need you in his life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you do seem kinda smug and judgey,

that being said, if I saw an animal was in pain I would say something too. I think it is sad if your sister just stands by and won't do anything. I'm not even a huge dog lover.

Not sure what to say to you about this. I think you can say how sorry you are that you are fighting, how you want to try to resolve this..that you don't have to agree about her dog. I would not retract what you already told her but keep it open-ended for awhile. maybe if you can forgive me for bringing it up, I will STILL help you with your dog. etc..

[Anonymous]

2237++

[Anonymous]

When I was an aunt and had no kids and my dog was my life, I was just like you OP. I judged liked crazy.

Now, I have a child, a DH, house, bills, needs, wants and a dog I had to put to sleep. I don't judge thinks like I used to anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bet is your sister is defensive because she's embarrassed. It's very hard to be called out on something when you feel powerless to fix it. It's even more demeaning when the person who calls you out looks down on you for it.

How about taking the high road? Apologize for meddling. You can simply say "I'm sorry for getting in your face about the dog. I was just afraid Fido might be in pain. I know he's your dog though so I'll let you do as you see fit. In the meantime, I miss Joey and would love to talk to him. I'm missing you guys this Christmas and want to hear all about what you are doing. He's a great kid. You're lucky."

This is excellent advice.

I'd be shocked if OP has even the slightest ability to behave this way though. If she did she wouldn't be in the position she's in now. I'm on the sister's side - I wouldn't want this family member around any more either.

[Anonymous]

OP I know nothing about you other than what you've posted here and you come across as a judgmental asshole, so I'd be extremely surprised if someone who knows you as well as your sibling hasn't picked up on this as well. I'd work on understanding your role in this and then revisit how to reconcile.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound crazy.