Sister won't let me speak to my nephews

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact you went to a lawyer about this says a lot about your approach. She might be worried you will call CPS next and try and have your lawyer have her son removed because you think they aren't good parents/people.

You sounds like you come across very obnoxiously and you definitely feel superior to your sister. I am sure even if you haven't said that explicitly that she sense your judgment and disapproval.

Noticing the dogs teeth and offering to pay are good things to do, however it is all about how you offer and how you speak of it. You can hide behind the stand up for good, but there are many ways to stand up for good and some lead to far better outcomes than others.

I would say think about how you come across to others, how would your sister describe you and how you spoke to her?

+1
Yup, the lawyer thing says it all. And the sister might not even know about it! I would not let OP come near my house ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

You should offer to take the dog off her hands and then take care of it yourself. Invite your nephews to visit the dog. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

You should offer to take the dog off her hands and then take care of it yourself. Invite your nephews to visit the dog. Problem solved.

I did offer to take the dog. She told me that she would "rather let the dog die of infection" than allow me to make decisions for her family.
Does she still sound like a misunderstood victim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

You should offer to take the dog off her hands and then take care of it yourself. Invite your nephews to visit the dog. Problem solved.

I did offer to take the dog. She told me that she would "rather let the dog die of infection" than allow me to make decisions for her family.
Does she still sound like a misunderstood victim?

^^
That's why I called my attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

You should offer to take the dog off her hands and then take care of it yourself. Invite your nephews to visit the dog. Problem solved.

I did offer to take the dog. She told me that she would "rather let the dog die of infection" than allow me to make decisions for her family.
Does she still sound like a misunderstood victim?

No you are starting to sound like a troll...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

You should offer to take the dog off her hands and then take care of it yourself. Invite your nephews to visit the dog. Problem solved.

I did offer to take the dog. She told me that she would "rather let the dog die of infection" than allow me to make decisions for her family.
Does she still sound like a misunderstood victim?

I actually understand how she feels. She is justifiably angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

You should offer to take the dog off her hands and then take care of it yourself. Invite your nephews to visit the dog. Problem solved.

I did offer to take the dog. She told me that she would "rather let the dog die of infection" than allow me to make decisions for her family.
Does she still sound like a misunderstood victim?

^^
That's why I called my attorney.

Why, again? Because you want to be able to take away her dog? Not clear here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact you went to a lawyer about this says a lot about your approach. She might be worried you will call CPS next and try and have your lawyer have her son removed because you think they aren't good parents/people.

You sounds like you come across very obnoxiously and you definitely feel superior to your sister. I am sure even if you haven't said that explicitly that she sense your judgment and disapproval.

Noticing the dogs teeth and offering to pay are good things to do, however it is all about how you offer and how you speak of it. You can hide behind the stand up for good, but there are many ways to stand up for good and some lead to far better outcomes than others.

I would say think about how you come across to others, how would your sister describe you and how you spoke to her?

Nest thing you know OP will be calling CPS because her sister didn't yet set up a college fund for her son.

[Anonymous]

Your concerns about your sister's decisions making habits are obvious to her, whether you say them out loud or not. I know how my sister thinks, what her values are, and I know what she judges. Same is true for her - she knows what I judge, even though I refrain from commenting on such things. We know each other, how we think, and all the non-verbal cues are super obvious to each other.

Your sister knows that you think she's made a mess of her life. She knows you're eager to meddle and that your generous offer wasn't free of strings - if she accepted your money for the vet, you'd expect to have more say in the dog's care later on. She's right to keep you at arm's distance. You need to learn to mind your own business. I'm very sorry to hear that the dog is suffering but there's a way to offer and there's a way to just offend people. It sounds like you aren't navigating that very successfully. Maybe it would be easier for your husband & BIL to liaise between the two families for now since you & your sister seem to need a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

Actually we do. You shared everything we need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

Actually we do. You shared everything we need to know.

Hardly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I have always been close. We started drifting apart a bit over the last year.
My sister and her husband make poor decisions. They purchased a home with no money down, a high-interest rate in a shitty school district.
They finance brand new cars yet have no savings. They had to borrow the money to buy a stove from my mother. They have nothing put aside for my nephew. They live way beyond their means. He is military (enlisted, not an officer) and she is SAHM.

My nephew is 5 and he is the greatest thing on earth!
We have always had a great relationship and used to talk over the phone everyday. I have been involved in his life from day one.

A few weeks ago, I was visiting them (they live in a different state) and noticed their dog seemed to be in severe pain.
I looked in his mouth and his teeth are rotting...as in ROTTING out of his f**king head. I told her the dog needs to see a veterinarian immediately. She proceeded to tell me they don't have the money for it (surprise, surprise) and that his teeth are not as bad as I'm saying.
I told her I would be happy to pay for the dog to have whatever work needed to be done at the vet.
She blew up at me and told that I have no right to tell her what I do about her family.
I left.
I texted her and told her again that the dog desperately needs to see a vet and that I would pay for it.
She ignored it and we haven't spoken since. I considered calling the ASPCA in her state but my lawyer informed me there would be very little that could be done legally to force her to seek medical attention for the dog.
I want nothing more to do with my sister. Anyone who would allow an animal to suffer can burn in hell as far as I am concerned.
I recently texted her and told her I had mailed my nephews Christmas gift and asked if I could speak with him on Christmas Day. She is ignoring me. I don't want him to think I don't care about him anymore. I have spent every Christmas with him but this one.
I know I can't force my sister to allow me contact with him but I am hoping someone can give me some advice on how to deal with this. Vi'm feeling pretty down about it.

You sound very bitter and judgmental. And a bit crazy. It is her dog, not yours. Dogs teeth have been falling out of their mouths for thousands of years without our help. The dog will be fine. Your relationship with your sister, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

I think we are getting to know you pretty well. Not loving it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I stood up for a small, defenseless animal. I don't feel bad for a second. If I had told you that a week before this happened she had tried to surrender the dog (who is 13 and has lived with her it's entire life) to the county animal shelter, what would you think then?
You pretend to know me and how Iove my life from a post on an anonymous forum. You don't know a thing about me.

You should offer to take the dog off her hands and then take care of it yourself. Invite your nephews to visit the dog. Problem solved.

I did offer to take the dog. She told me that she would "rather let the dog die of infection" than allow me to make decisions for her family.
Does she still sound like a misunderstood victim?

OP, without knowing you or your sister the fact that she got this upset about the dog incident is telling. It is obvious to us internet strangers that she has hit her limit with you when it comes to judgments you have in regards to decisions she makes for her family... You called her defensive but I think it runs in the family! You need to examine how you come across...cause here given you are telling your side it is clear you think you know better than she does (and maybe you do, but the way you are going about it is so off-putting that your sister is done hearing it)

[Anonymous]

So you want your sister to burn in hell (and have pretty much made that clear to her) but, at the same time, you want to keep your relationship with her 5 yo son as before.

That is not going to happen. She will cut you off from his life completely, like, for years, and while that is sad, I can't say I don't sympathize.