Sister won't let me speak to my nephews

[Anonymous]

My sister and I have always been close. We started drifting apart a bit over the last year.
My sister and her husband make poor decisions. They purchased a home with no money down, a high-interest rate in a shitty school district.
They finance brand new cars yet have no savings. They had to borrow the money to buy a stove from my mother. They have nothing put aside for my nephew. They live way beyond their means. He is military (enlisted, not an officer) and she is SAHM.

My nephew is 5 and he is the greatest thing on earth!
We have always had a great relationship and used to talk over the phone everyday. I have been involved in his life from day one.

A few weeks ago, I was visiting them (they live in a different state) and noticed their dog seemed to be in severe pain.
I looked in his mouth and his teeth are rotting...as in ROTTING out of his f**king head. I told her the dog needs to see a veterinarian immediately. She proceeded to tell me they don't have the money for it (surprise, surprise) and that his teeth are not as bad as I'm saying.
I told her I would be happy to pay for the dog to have whatever work needed to be done at the vet.
She blew up at me and told that I have no right to tell her what I do about her family.
I left.
I texted her and told her again that the dog desperately needs to see a vet and that I would pay for it.
She ignored it and we haven't spoken since. I considered calling the ASPCA in her state but my lawyer informed me there would be very little that could be done legally to force her to seek medical attention for the dog.
I want nothing more to do with my sister. Anyone who would allow an animal to suffer can burn in hell as far as I am concerned.
I recently texted her and told her I had mailed my nephews Christmas gift and asked if I could speak with him on Christmas Day. She is ignoring me. I don't want him to think I don't care about him anymore. I have spent every Christmas with him but this one.
I know I can't force my sister to allow me contact with him but I am hoping someone can give me some advice on how to deal with this. Vi'm feeling pretty down about it.

[Anonymous]

All this over a dog's teeth?

[Anonymous]

I have a sneaking suspicion that at some point, in some way, you have communicated all of your judgments and disappointments with sister's decisions to your sister. Whether you will admit it or not, you have let your superiority over her be known to her. This is what happens when you sit in judgment. Deal. You'll be okay missing a Christmas with nephew if she is still upset. Christmas is 2 weeks away so she might change her mind. In the mean time, figure out how you are going to change your need to judge her every move.

[Anonymous]

I never pretended to be superior to her. I was very calm when I told her. She has always been very defensive.

[Anonymous]

She has something you want- access to your nephew. You don't seem to have anything she wants. You will have to apologize and walk on eggshells around her if you want the same kind of relationship with your nephew. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

This is a horrible post because it is extremely one sided, to the point where it makes its look more obvious that you are keeping things out. I have a feeling OP will come back and beg to differ but I know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never pretended to be superior to her. I was very calm when I told her. She has always been very defensive.

Go re-read your post. In some way you have let her know that you are better than her.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that's a tough one.

[Anonymous]

She ignored it and we haven't spoken since. I considered calling the ASPCA in her state but my lawyer informed me there would be very little that could be done legally to force her to seek medical attention for the dog.

You really talked to your lawyer about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has something you want- access to your nephew. You don't seem to have anything she wants. You will have to apologize and walk on eggshells around her if you want the same kind of relationship with your nephew. Sorry.

+1

[Anonymous]

Decide whether you care more about the dog or the nephew. If it is the nephew then you have to let the dog thing go and apologize for it. Your attitude of "I don't want anything to do with a person who does this to an animal yada yada" is plainly incompatible with your desire to spend time with your nephew.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, op. It was so unnecessary to throw in that your bil is enlisted rather than an officer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, op. It was so unnecessary to throw in that your bil is enlisted rather than an officer.

YES! Part of the OP's superior attitude at play here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sneaking suspicion that at some point, in some way, you have communicated all of your judgments and disappointments with sister's decisions to your sister. Whether you will admit it or not, you have let your superiority over her be known to her. This is what happens when you sit in judgment. Deal. You'll be okay missing a Christmas with nephew if she is still upset. Christmas is 2 weeks away so she might change her mind. In the mean time, figure out how you are going to change your need to judge her every move.

Sneaking suspicion? Lmao. Her BIL is enlisted - the HORROR!!!!

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, but you should've dropped it when she blew up at you. When you texted to offer to pay, did you really think she'd take you up on it?