Moved to the burbs and I hate it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do what makes you happy. Remember, misery loves company. I remember when I told someone that I was applying for a new job. They told me I was selfish and how could I put that kind of stress on my family. It was so unfair to my daughter, never mind that I was increasing my household income by 30 percent, and would have a two mile commute. Like I said, misery loves company. Go after your dream.Rent the house out, you can always move back. Sell if you have to.

What's kind of idiotic about this advice is that OP purports to be married with a baby. It is not all about what her heart desires at this very moment. Maybe she should talk it over with her DH a few times before the city varsity cheerleading squad shows up in MD with the moving van.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh....I am one of your old white neighbors. Life really doesn't change because you move and I really doubt you ran into all your friends right around your condo in DC. all the time. We've all been there- it's not really like that. You are simply are one of those " I'm too cool" people who is ashamed to admit that you sold out to the suburbs. Except you didn't sellout- you only think you did. I had a pretty vibrant family and friend life while living in the suburbs with young kids, and I also had a great one living in a remote rural village in Europe. Yep- it's not about where you live, it's not your clothes, it's not your 'cache" it's YOU. Are telling me that there are NO other people with kids anywhere around? There certainly are more kid- friendly activities in the suburbs. I really doubt you will feel the need to hang out in bars and coffee lounges anymore. Perhaps your issue is that you are too immature to be a parent- you still see yourself as a hipster.

Now walk in your living room, play a record (I know you play records, lady) and dance with your kid. Next, find a mommy and me group, a dance thing, or a playgroup, and try to brush off your affectation before you go. And don't forget to talk to your neighbor- yeah- that 50 something lady (me), she might be one of your best neighbors and she can tell you who to hire to clean the gutters, where to buy this or that, AND introduce you to other neighbors. You are not on different planets.

+1

Doesn't sound like OP is trying to find community where she lives.

Also, SS is not old and white! demographically. In fact, it is young and mixed. Just ask everyone posting on that thread where someone asked about finding a white-majority neighborhood in Silver Spring.

Where exactly do you live, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is a loser at all. My family wouldn't have been happy with her choice, either.

I don't know how to advise you, though, OP. Whether you should, at this point, move/sell/buy/rent out all depends on your financial bottom lines. You may find it's harder to get tenants for your suburban place, and they won't be willing to pay as much as you may need to rent a little something in a place you like better.

But kids + apartments = perfectly good. Works for a lot of us. The idea of families needing "SPACE, OMG!!" is very culturally defined, and OP should hear that plenty of us grew up in cities where urban apartment living is very normal.

+1
I grew up in Europe with 2 siblings in a ~1000 sqft apartment which was considered very large. My parents were the most modest and down to earth people ever - they would despise hipsters if they cared to learn who those were. It is totally possible to raise children in small (by American standards) apartments and preferring to do so doesn't make one immature or a irresponsible parent (what??).

It's not the lack of space that gives city parents - specifically, Washington, DC parents - the reputation for irresponsibility. It's the atrocious quality of schools. If DC schools were on par with neighboring suburban counties, no one would bat an eye on families with children living in apartments. It's hypocritical of you to pretend otherwise. Did your quaint European city had good schools or what?

Not all the schools are bad. There is no school in this area that I like better than my child's charter, and she will likely be there from 3 to 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do what makes you happy. Remember, misery loves company. I remember when I told someone that I was applying for a new job. They told me I was selfish and how could I put that kind of stress on my family. It was so unfair to my daughter, never mind that I was increasing my household income by 30 percent, and would have a two mile commute. Like I said, misery loves company. Go after your dream.Rent the house out, you can always move back. Sell if you have to.

What's kind of idiotic about this advice is that OP purports to be married with a baby. It is not all about what her heart desires at this very moment. Maybe she should talk it over with her DH a few times before the city varsity cheerleading squad shows up in MD with the moving van.

it's not all about the OP but it's not all about the baby either. OP's preferences for city life should be a part of family decision-making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do what makes you happy. Remember, misery loves company. I remember when I told someone that I was applying for a new job. They told me I was selfish and how could I put that kind of stress on my family. It was so unfair to my daughter, never mind that I was increasing my household income by 30 percent, and would have a two mile commute. Like I said, misery loves company. Go after your dream.Rent the house out, you can always move back. Sell if you have to.

What's kind of idiotic about this advice is that OP purports to be married with a baby. It is not all about what her heart desires at this very moment. Maybe she should talk it over with her DH a few times before the city varsity cheerleading squad shows up in MD with the moving van.

it's not all about the OP but it's not all about the baby either. OP's preferences for city life should be a part of family decision-making.

I doubt the baby was the one who looked for the house in the suburbs for months. It's easier at this point to assess OP's mood than her "preferences."

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think OP is a loser at all. My family wouldn't have been happy with her choice, either.

I don't know how to advise you, though, OP. Whether you should, at this point, move/sell/buy/rent out all depends on your financial bottom lines. You may find it's harder to get tenants for your suburban place, and they won't be willing to pay as much as you may need to rent a little something in a place you like better.

But kids + apartments = perfectly good. Works for a lot of us. [b]The idea of families needing "SPACE, OMG!!" is very culturally defined, a[/b]nd OP should hear that plenty of us grew up in cities where urban apartment living is very normal.[/quote]

+1
I grew up in Europe with 2 siblings in a ~1000 sqft apartment which was considered very large. My parents were the most modest and down to earth people ever - they would despise hipsters if they cared to learn who those were. It is totally possible to raise children in small (by American standards) apartments and preferring to do so doesn't make one immature or a irresponsible parent (what??).[/quote]
It's not the lack of space that gives city parents - specifically, Washington, DC parents - the reputation for irresponsibility. It's the atrocious quality of schools. If DC schools were on par with neighboring suburban counties, no one would bat an eye on families with children living in apartments. It's hypocritical of you to pretend otherwise. Did your quaint European city had good schools or what?[/quote]

Not all the schools are bad. There is no school in this area that I like better than my child's charter, and she will likely be there from 3 to 18.[/quote]

Wait. When did we get charter high schools in DC? You must be YY school, amazing you can tell quality of academic program b4 school is founded.

But OP has no guarantee to get into desirable charter so definitely another crapshoot for any parent in DC. If want to raise kids there have to able to afford private if it comes to that. Not just count on state sponsored privates, er, charters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what now?

Move to Frederick and get 70% of the DCUM Dream (albeit with an 90-minute commute)?

Stay put? I'm guessing you have little in common with your neighbors. That can't be fixed, but surely there's a MOMS club or something you can do (church, social club, etc.)

Move back to Columbia Heights and find the limitations of city living (terrible schools, cramped space, petty crime that might suddenly become more annoying, etc.)?

16:15, I think you've got two conflicting desires here in OP, and -- let's face it -- in most DCUM regulars.

"Pretend to be 23 the rest of your life" vs. "Doing the 'mature' thing and moving out to the burbs."

The "moving to the burbs is mature" thing has been drilled into us by parents/relatives/suburbanites who're still stuck in Barry-era stereotypes.

I suspect the ones who slink off to Urbana/Ashburn/Stafford/Crofton (or live 70% of the DCUM Dream in Frederick/Leesburg/Fredericksburg/Annapolis) go away, never to return.

She could move to Upper Caucasia, join DCUM Team Smug, and still get the satisfaction of telling everyone who will listen that she lives in "DC proper," but it too would be heavy on the old white people for her taste. That said, it's a way to live in DC with none of the "undesirable" elements, such as schoolchildren who aren't, ahem, "motivated." Isn't that the euphemism they're using these days?

I guess she can't afford that though.

We need a DCUM post of the week. I nominate you.

[Anonymous]

It's a shame you don't like where you live. If you can afford it, move where your family will be happy. Don't make it a city v. Suburb thing. That's so typical DCUM. You know all of the bitches will pounce from both sides. We lived in the city, had a second kid, now have three and moved to the burbs between numbers two and three. It is different and there are things I love about both. Life is what you make it. If you can't make it good, change your living situation.

[Anonymous]

What's up with the knee jerk reactions that if you want to live in the city you're an irresponsible "hipster" and that all DC schools are automatically "bad"? Get over yourselves. The city has changed, people. The quality of life and the schools are better than they ever have been since I've lived here, and that's since 1994. But you wouldn't know about DC and its renaissance, because "the city" is automatically anathema to you.

Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what now?

Move to Frederick and get 70% of the DCUM Dream (albeit with an 90-minute commute)?

Stay put? I'm guessing you have little in common with your neighbors. That can't be fixed, but surely there's a MOMS club or something you can do (church, social club, etc.)

Move back to Columbia Heights and find the limitations of city living (terrible schools, cramped space, petty crime that might suddenly become more annoying, etc.)?

16:15, I think you've got two conflicting desires here in OP, and -- let's face it -- in most DCUM regulars.

"Pretend to be 23 the rest of your life" vs. "Doing the 'mature' thing and moving out to the burbs."

The "moving to the burbs is mature" thing has been drilled into us by parents/relatives/suburbanites who're still stuck in Barry-era stereotypes.

I suspect the ones who slink off to Urbana/Ashburn/Stafford/Crofton (or live 70% of the DCUM Dream in Frederick/Leesburg/Fredericksburg/Annapolis) go away, never to return.

She could move to Upper Caucasia, join DCUM Team Smug, and still get the satisfaction of telling everyone who will listen that she lives in "DC proper," but it too would be heavy on the old white people for her taste. That said, it's a way to live in DC with none of the "undesirable" elements, such as schoolchildren who aren't, ahem, "motivated." Isn't that the euphemism they're using these days?

I guess she can't afford that though.

We need a DCUM post of the week. I nominate you.

What exactly is "70% of the DCUM dream"?
Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's up with the knee jerk reactions that if you want to live in the city you're an irresponsible "hipster" and that all DC schools are automatically "bad"? Get over yourselves. The city has changed, people. The quality of life and the schools are better than they ever have been since I've lived here, and that's since 1994. But you wouldn't know about DC and its renaissance, because "the city" is automatically anathema to you.

Get a clue.

LOL. They only come in 3-4 times a year, and that's to stomp joylessly up and down the Mall with their visiting relatives, or to go to the National Theater for a "big night out." Each time they complain about parking.

[Anonymous]

Go back to the city OP. You are not cut out for the burbs.

Personally I hate city living. I tried it and had to get out, so I do get it. I'm a burb person. I need my space. I want to drive. I do not want to have others on top of me all of the time. Do what you need to do. However, do not complain when 800 sq feet gets to small for you and your family. Heck I had 900 sq feet and I thought I was going to die by being crushed by the walls it was so tiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were like you until we encountered all of the following while living close to Columbia Heights:

- Cars broken into multiple times
- Neighbor murdered in a nearby alley
- Next-door neighbors ranged from noisy college grads to gang members
- Man on block arrested for threatening POTUS
- Spouse was confronted by man exposing himself in DC public library
- Syringes left on playground at local ES
- Drunks urinated in alley behind house
- Local teenagers hung out on corner smoking and selling weed
- Teen moms would ask us to look out after their kids for an hour, and come back five hours later
- Kids who'd played together as toddlers stopped seeing each other because they were all at different pre-schools and privates

Dunno, maybe you have to experience some of that first-hand to appreciate people who take care of their yards and decorate for XMas.

Hey (former) neighbor! I'll add (in no particular order):

- Flowers my daughter planted chopped down from our garden
- Gun shots heard 2-3 weekends per month
- Mailing packages and furniture to work so they won't be stolen
- Neighbor tween threatening me with a brick in front of my toddler
- Six year olds playing in the street until 11pm on school nights
- Flash mob fights in the alley behind my house
- Stolen Xmas decorations and porch furniture
- Crappy local schools and nail-biting charter lotteries
- Rats, dog crap and litter everywhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is a loser at all. My family wouldn't have been happy with her choice, either.

I don't know how to advise you, though, OP. Whether you should, at this point, move/sell/buy/rent out all depends on your financial bottom lines. You may find it's harder to get tenants for your suburban place, and they won't be willing to pay as much as you may need to rent a little something in a place you like better.

But kids + apartments = perfectly good. Works for a lot of us. The idea of families needing "SPACE, OMG!!" is very culturally defined, and OP should hear that plenty of us grew up in cities where urban apartment living is very normal.

+1
I grew up in Europe with 2 siblings in a ~1000 sqft apartment which was considered very large. My parents were the most modest and down to earth people ever - they would despise hipsters if they cared to learn who those were. It is totally possible to raise children in small (by American standards) apartments and preferring to do so doesn't make one immature or a irresponsible parent (what??).

It's not the lack of space that gives city parents - specifically, Washington, DC parents - the reputation for irresponsibility. It's the atrocious quality of schools. If DC schools were on par with neighboring suburban counties, no one would bat an eye on families with children living in apartments. It's hypocritical of you to pretend otherwise. Did your quaint European city had good schools or what?

Not all the schools are bad. There is no school in this area that I like better than my child's charter, and she will likely be there from 3 to 18.

That's silly. Have you visited every school in this area? Or were you simply trying to put together a convincing sentence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

- Flowers my daughter planted chopped down from our garden
- Gun shots heard 2-3 weekends per month
- Mailing packages and furniture to work so they won't be stolen
- Neighbor tween threatening me with a brick in front of my toddler
- Six year olds playing in the street until 11pm on school nights
- Flash mob fights in the alley behind my house
- Stolen Xmas decorations and porch furniture
- Crappy local schools and nail-biting charter lotteries
- Rats, dog crap and litter everywhere

Okay seriously where did you live? This sucks but it's not the city, it's the neighborhood you picked. My experience:

- I know everyone on the block and we watch out for each other
- Eight bus lines and metro within a 20 minute walk.
- Corner stores where shopkeepers know my name.
- Son went to our sweet neighborhood elementary and now goes to a fabulous charter
- 3 parks to choose from, and doggie play-groups
- When I see dog crap and litter, I pick it up and toss it in the trash.
- Yes, I have packages mailed to work, and had a skeleton snagged on Halloween. Oh well.