48. Must be married by 50

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In DC, there are way more super quality women than men (family backgrounds, intelligence, looks, jobs, good personalities, interesting, etc). If you're still looking for "at least" kind, interesting, sexy, intelligent and family oriented, I would say accept the date or proposal from a guy that has two or three of those 5. I chose kind and family oriented. I would have killed for 4. That was me at 32. 5 years later, half of my highly eligible female friends are still single, and even the average Joes are all married or engaged.

I agree with you. I was not particularly blown away by my husband when we first met. In fact, he did not have a job, car or own his own home (was rooming with former college mates in a house owned by one of them). This was over 20 years ago. But, one thing I noticed that was different from the other guys I dated was his kind and positive spirit. He was such a good person. I did not appreciate that initially because I was so used to the jerks I had been dating. I am glad I did not pass him up. He is still kind and a great father and is no longer unemployed. In fact, he went back to school and got an MBA and is now an SVP with a major bank. And, at 53 most of his friends are married or divorced but dating. I'm not sure if I don't know any single men because I have been married too long or there are so few eligible single African American men. I do have a few female friends I would love to match make for but don't know anyone.

[Anonymous]

So OP I am just wondering if you would be willing to come back and update this thread in a year and say if you have made any progress. Just because I am totally curious. I am the PP who is 42 with a child. thanks!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, I will update when I find mr. Right! I will reconsider the ones I already know who are missing a few of the characteristics and see what's up. Definitely kindness and sense of humor need to top the list cause those should last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the "Im 26 and never had a boyfriend thread" and figured you all could give me some advice, too. I know DCUMs are really harsh and mean so i'm prepared for the insults.

Here's my situation. Raised in a highly educated household by parents who expected me to marry a certain sort of individual. Bought into it for through college. Had college boyfriend who was terrible so spent my 20s dating and having fun and not being worried about it (and with a few long relationships in there). In my early 30s I met a seemingly great guy whom I dated for 3 yrs but who ended up being a jerk and spent the next several years getting over the pain and betrayal. The rest of my 30s I dated a lot but never found anyone (turned down on proposal). In my 40s I adopted a child and moved overseas and enjoyed life though I felt a huge part was missing. Now I am heading towards 50 and am really sad that it may not work out for me and DC. I don't look 25 but 'black don't crack' so honestly I do look young for my age. 35 tops. (Think Halle Berry, Nia Long, Vivica A. Fox, Angela Bassett.. I'm not flawless like them bc I don't have their long dollars but I look good for my age). I went to decent schools, can carry on a conversation, am funny.. blah blah blah. Yes, I have a child but so do most women my age.

Been on numerous dating sites since time is really limited now. Have a few male friends who want to date exclusively but it's hard to settle with any of them because at this point I just don't see it. I MAY, just don't as of yet. I'm not necessarily picky but I do expect the man to be kind, interesting, sexy, intelligent and family oriented at the very least. I am open to men with children and they don't have to be gorgeous or rich. I'm feeling like I should just move back overseas where at least we can have an interesting life full of interesting friends and travel to exotic locales (which I can't afford from here)... but dating in some parts of the world is even more difficult!

C'mon DCUMs! Get me a proposal before 50!

Wow you sound great that is so crazy that you've dated but never married. Did you ever turn down any proposals? You're sexy intelligent and sophisticated I bet you have guys willing to leave their wives to be with you. It must be hard finding someone comparable at this age who isn't taken. Maybe you should just give in and steal someone's man. There'd be guilt initially but happiness will trump it in time.

Before resorting to the "steal someone's man" advice, consider dating younger men, instead. Give yourself a broad age range of, 30/35-55, so that you can have fun with the dating process. Have you tried Parentswithoutpartners.org or singleparentmeetup.com? How abouthttp://www.dcfortypluspro.com/index.cfm?action=aboutdcfpp, which arranges fun events and activities (free membership), where you could meet some friends with interests in all kinds of cultural events. A number of couples I know met through interest groups online, for example one couple met through an academic listserv and another met through involvement with a neighborhood group which had meetups. Most of all, have some fun outside of parenting, find a friend before you settle down, and don't get discouraged by crazy posters on DCUM.

I'm one of the 40+ year old women who posted on here. Appreciate your advice but just so you know: There are no single parents meetups in DC. I've looked. There is no local chapter of Parents without Partners. I've looked. I checked the dcfortyplus site you listed...no events listed on the calendar. The NYE party from 2005 is still on there. Just saying...it's tough.

Oh no! ..just when I was starting to get hopeful.

For those who have asked, I will reiterate: Yes, I have turned down two proposals (and they are still available if I change my mind which I won't). Yes I will date outside my race. My age range is 35 to 55 or so, so it's pretty broad. Yes, I want my man to be sexy. He doesn't have to be Boris Kodjoe but I need to be hot for him. The nice 65 year old man with the aging body isn't my type and damn, I'm holding it down pretty well so I think he should too. And seriously how many of you if in my situation would marry a man you weren't attracted to? I am approachable, not desperate. I am not at all materialistic and don't wear labels, a weave or fake nails. My time is limited so I am not out much to meet anyone. I have a regular sitter but lately I have been too busy with other things to socialize much. I know this needs to change. And finally, I chose 50 because it's a milestone birthday and I refuse to be listed in the NYTimes as a first time bride at 53. That is just horrifying!! LOL

Actually, I think it's sweet and romantic!

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think OP's reference to a nyTimes wedding announcement along with the affected "horrifying" reference sort of gives a little more insight. None of see ourselves clearly and based on OP's self-description I suspect that while she may be accomplished and strong, she may be unbearingly vain and self-important. It seems her suitors have not measured up to what she wants for herself, but perhaps the men she envisions to be of her caliber will not be interested in doting and feeding her ego the way the men she has kept at arms length have. Yes, based on her own description, OP sounds lovely and interesting but there's something off. How old is your child?

[Anonymous]

My closest black friend from grad school was in your shoes. Although she identified for decades as heterosexual, she found her soulmate in a black woman and they have a tremendously loving relationship. Women's sexuality tends to be more fluid so maybe you should broaden your outlook more than just racially. There's someone out there for you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My closest black friend from grad school was in your shoes. Although she identified for decades as heterosexual, she found her soulmate in a black woman and they have a tremendously loving relationship. Women's sexuality tends to be more fluid so maybe you should broaden your outlook more than just racially. There's someone out there for you. Good luck!

Yes OP, maybe you're a lesbian and just don't know it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My closest black friend from grad school was in your shoes. Although she identified for decades as heterosexual, she found her soulmate in a black woman and they have a tremendously loving relationship. Women's sexuality tends to be more fluid so maybe you should broaden your outlook more than just racially. There's someone out there for you. Good luck!

Yes OP, maybe you're a lesbian and just don't know it

Gee, dichotomous thinking much? Or just into labels?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I think OP's reference to a nyTimes wedding announcement along with the affected "horrifying" reference sort of gives a little more insight. None of see ourselves clearly and based on OP's self-description I suspect that while she may be accomplished and strong, she may be unbearingly vain and self-important. It seems her suitors have not measured up to what she wants for herself, but perhaps the men she envisions to be of her caliber will not be interested in doting and feeding her ego the way the men she has kept at arms length have. Yes, based on her own description, OP sounds lovely and interesting but there's something off. How old is your child?

Over-reaching is the number 1 reason that people can't find a date or a mate. Both men and women do this. They think they deserve a 8-9, but they are only a 4 -6. Trying to date out of your league is a sure death knell for marriage hopes.

[Anonymous]

Dear women,

Please stop focusing on finding a husband/soulmate.
Please put an end to the Walt Disney delusions of destiny that have you believing some custom made man who possesses every single prerequisite on your laundry list of "must have's" is going to drop out of the sky and propose.
Please turn your insistent expectations off and return your objectivity to its full, upright position.

Now...go out on a date with someone and get to know them and let them get to know you and if you're as perfect and peerless as you propose things will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

OP here. had a great first date on friday night! keep ya posted..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. had a great first date on friday night! keep ya posted..

Good, we'll alert the New York Times.

[Anonymous]

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me. DWM 48 y.o. Long time expat returning to DC area to launch teen DD off to college. Will then be looking to return overseas. Past living and working experience in Asia, Africa and Europe. Multilingual. Live life in my terms. Self made. No shortage of female friends, but not any particular one has caught my fancy. See you soon?

pp, you're the ideal man for so many of us (former expat).

It will be difficult for you to settle down with only one person as you are are probably used to dating young females half your age, beautiful enough to be a supermodel.
Maybe in about 10 years ...

[Anonymous]

^^^why would a guy who dates women half his age (with an almost grown daughter) be attractive to a 48yo woman? (not saying expat is like that.) i wouldn't want someone who is interested in transactional relationships.