48. Must be married by 50

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't found a person to marry by now, you're not going to find someone. You have several guys who are willing to try, but you aren't interested.

This isn't going to happen for you, OP.

The person above did. Plenty of people marry the wrong person when they are young and get divorced. Some remarry later in life. And I said I wasn't currently interested in the men interested in me but I may later. They both currently live out of state, one is moving back in January.. we'll see... And I figure if I got two interested, there could be more around the corner with whom i'm a better match.

Be nice!

I'm not being mean.

The person above was previously in a marriage and divorced. You haven't done that. The other people you are talking about also married and divorced.

You sound very picky. If you haven't found someone to try marriage with by now, you are not going to find someone to try it with because you are picky. Your choices are more narrow now than they were when you were younger. The odds don't get better. People are starting to die off.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is often said, but have you tried Meetup? I only say this because my single mom friend met someone really nice and normal this way.

Curious about this. I'm about the same age at the OP and looking to meet someone. Have done on-line dating and considering trying meetups too...worried that meetups will be all women. Sounds like they might be worth trying too....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't found a person to marry by now, you're not going to find someone. You have several guys who are willing to try, but you aren't interested.

This isn't going to happen for you, OP.

The person above did. Plenty of people marry the wrong person when they are young and get divorced. Some remarry later in life. And I said I wasn't currently interested in the men interested in me but I may later. They both currently live out of state, one is moving back in January.. we'll see... And I figure if I got two interested, there could be more around the corner with whom i'm a better match.

Be nice!

I'm not being mean.

The person above was previously in a marriage and divorced. You haven't done that. The other people you are talking about also married and divorced.

You sound very picky. If you haven't found someone to try marriage with by now, you are not going to find someone to try it with because you are picky. Your choices are more narrow now than they were when you were younger. The odds don't get better. People are starting to die off.

I am 42, never married, one child, and I don't think this poster is being mean but is being truthful. Unfortunately, the pickiness has to exist when you have a child. If I didn't,I would be more open. I realize that I am not likely to get married ever. It makes me sad sometimes but I hang on to a tiny glimmer of hope that when my child is an adult, and I am much older that perhaps I can find a widower to spend out my last days with.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you all are a very sad and harsh bunch (I wouldn't have expected otherwise). I will look into Meet Ups. Thanks for that suggestion. The women who are saying I am being too picky are probably white. I have many, many, many black female friends who are kind, pretty, professional women who are single. The fact of the matter is the pool of available black men is much, much smaller. I am open to dating to men of other races now though which I know will be helpful. The men aren't dying off! I'm looking for men under 80! LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you all are a very sad and harsh bunch (I wouldn't have expected otherwise). I will look into Meet Ups. Thanks for that suggestion. The women who are saying I am being too picky are probably white. I have many, many, many black female friends who are kind, pretty, professional women who are single. The fact of the matter is the pool of available black men is much, much smaller. I am open to dating to men of other races now though which I know will be helpful. The men aren't dying off! I'm looking for men under 80! LOL

Btw, Halle Berry went white, Alfre Woodard went white, Tina Turner went white, Iman went white, Eve went white, Maya Angelou went white.
I could go on and on, these are accomplished, successful black women who don't think dating out of their race is somehow beneath them. Broaden your horizons, the men will come.

[Anonymous]

Hi there - you really do sound like an amazing person. And since you also sound goal-oriented, I wouldn't say not having been married before means you aren't likely to get married now; to me it sounds like you were focused on other things before, now you're focused on this, and since you have a good record of meeting your goals this is likely to happen for you, too.

I don't know if this is a realistic option - but have you tried a matchmaker?

Moving overseas again doesn't sound like a half-bad option to me (another former expat here). Seems like you are self-selecting in that case for a smaller dating pool, but one likely to be filled (in the expat community, anyway) with men who share your values and experiences, and who are adventuresome and have resources.

Good luck - you do sound like a pretty terrific person who'd make some strong guy a great partner.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP. Don't listen to the negative posts. It doesn't seem to matter what the topic is, there always seem to be negative posts. Perhaps ask family members and friends if they know someone to set you up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the "Im 26 and never had a boyfriend thread" and figured you all could give me some advice, too. I know DCUMs are really harsh and mean so i'm prepared for the insults.

Here's my situation. Raised in a highly educated household by parents who expected me to marry a certain sort of individual. Bought into it for through college. Had college boyfriend who was terrible so spent my 20s dating and having fun and not being worried about it (and with a few long relationships in there). In my early 30s I met a seemingly great guy whom I dated for 3 yrs but who ended up being a jerk and spent the next several years getting over the pain and betrayal. The rest of my 30s I dated a lot but never found anyone (turned down on proposal). In my 40s I adopted a child and moved overseas and enjoyed life though I felt a huge part was missing. Now I am heading towards 50 and am really sad that it may not work out for me and DC. I don't look 25 but 'black don't crack' so honestly I do look young for my age. 35 tops. (Think Halle Berry, Nia Long, Vivica A. Fox, Angela Bassett.. I'm not flawless like them bc I don't have their long dollars but I look good for my age). I went to decent schools, can carry on a conversation, am funny.. blah blah blah. Yes, I have a child but so do most women my age.

Been on numerous dating sites since time is really limited now. Have a few male friends who want to date exclusively but it's hard to settle with any of them because at this point I just don't see it. I MAY, just don't as of yet. I'm not necessarily picky but I do expect the man to be kind, interesting, sexy, intelligent and family oriented at the very least. I am open to men with children and they don't have to be gorgeous or rich. I'm feeling like I should just move back overseas where at least we can have an interesting life full of interesting friends and travel to exotic locales (which I can't afford from here)... but dating in some parts of the world is even more difficult!

C'mon DCUMs! Get me a proposal before 50!

Not that you're asking for my opinion on the matter but I'll offer my 2 cents just for the hell of it...
I swear black women are the most disillusioned people on the planet. I hear this story all the time from single black women of damn near every age. All of em either bitter and bewildered or frustrated and flabbergasted as to why someone as wonderful and exceptional as themselves is without a partner. The answer is really quite simple really, black women are entirely too preoccupied with themselves. Let's take the OP for instance. She may talk all that crap about wanting a kind, interesting, intelligent, and family oriented man - blah blah blah. But the truth of the matter is clearly evident in the subject line - she ain't looking for no man to share her life with or someone to build a relationship with...no f%ck all that, she ain't interested in all that and she ain't got time for all that nonsense. She wants to get married, period. Now don't get me wrong ain't nuthing wrong with marriage and ain't nuthing wrong with wanting someone to share your life with but believe it or not the world doesn't revolve around you and neither does a relationship. It's plenty of good black men out there - marriage material type dudes - but if you are expecting some custom made mate to just up and drop out the damn sky and magically land on one knee to propose to your ass then you downright delusional. What the hell kind of fairytale land are you living in girl? Relationships take time, energy, and effort. Relationships require sacrafice, compromise, and (gasp) consideration for the wants and needs of others. It ain't all about you. Now I ain't gonna claim to know all the intricacies of what happened with your past relationships - hell I'm sure some of the men you were involved with were jerks - but I'd be willing to bet that your ass wadn't exactly a cup of tea to be with either. Everybody got faults. Everybody got issues. Everybody got drawbacks and deficiencies and vices and variables and shortcomings and a shytload of drama with them that make em hard to deal with. YOU DO TO!! Your ass ain't perfect, so why you expect/demand that a man be perfectly suited to provide you happiness. Love ain't like that. Life ain't like that. You know what love is - work. You know what life is - work. Next time you ready to write a man off cause he don't meet every single prerequisite on your laundry list of "must have's" go look in the mirror and tell yourself to stop being so damn lazy and get to work.

[Anonymous]

I have a person in my office just like the OP. Well educated, well travelled, beautiful, sharp, can talk about any subject, but there is not a shred of vulnerability in her. She is uncompromising and will rarely not try to top you on a conversation. She talk a lot about wanting someone, but she will find something wrong with any man however minor. Noticed the OP said she wants someone sexy, at your age, I think you can look pass sexy.I take that to mean you're looking for someone with a certain image not just that you want a relationship. I am sure I am a lot uglier than you, but I have never had any problems attracting and keeping a man. You sound very proud of you pedigree and you wear on your collar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a person in my office just like the OP. Well educated, well travelled, beautiful, sharp, can talk about any subject, but there is not a shred of vulnerability in her. She is uncompromising and will rarely not try to top you on a conversation. She talk a lot about wanting someone, but she will find something wrong with any man however minor. Noticed the OP said she wants someone sexy, at your age, I think you can look pass sexy.I take that to mean you're looking for someone with a certain image not just that you want a relationship. I am sure I am a lot uglier than you, but I have never had any problems attracting and keeping a man. You sound very proud of you pedigree and you wear on your collar.

You tell 'em Jesse Jackson!

[Anonymous]

Why do you have this odd, arbitrary timeline set up for yourself? Just relax and don't worry about your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the "Im 26 and never had a boyfriend thread" and figured you all could give me some advice, too. I know DCUMs are really harsh and mean so i'm prepared for the insults.

Here's my situation. Raised in a highly educated household by parents who expected me to marry a certain sort of individual. Bought into it for through college. Had college boyfriend who was terrible so spent my 20s dating and having fun and not being worried about it (and with a few long relationships in there). In my early 30s I met a seemingly great guy whom I dated for 3 yrs but who ended up being a jerk and spent the next several years getting over the pain and betrayal. The rest of my 30s I dated a lot but never found anyone (turned down on proposal). In my 40s I adopted a child and moved overseas and enjoyed life though I felt a huge part was missing. Now I am heading towards 50 and am really sad that it may not work out for me and DC. I don't look 25 but 'black don't crack' so honestly I do look young for my age. 35 tops. (Think Halle Berry, Nia Long, Vivica A. Fox, Angela Bassett.. I'm not flawless like them bc I don't have their long dollars but I look good for my age). I went to decent schools, can carry on a conversation, am funny.. blah blah blah. Yes, I have a child but so do most women my age.

Been on numerous dating sites since time is really limited now. Have a few male friends who want to date exclusively but it's hard to settle with any of them because at this point I just don't see it. I MAY, just don't as of yet. I'm not necessarily picky but I do expect the man to be kind, interesting, sexy, intelligent and family oriented at the very least. I am open to men with children and they don't have to be gorgeous or rich. I'm feeling like I should just move back overseas where at least we can have an interesting life full of interesting friends and travel to exotic locales (which I can't afford from here)... but dating in some parts of the world is even more difficult!

C'mon DCUMs! Get me a proposal before 50!

Not that you're asking for my opinion on the matter but I'll offer my 2 cents just for the hell of it...
I swear black women are the most disillusioned people on the planet. I hear this story all the time from single black women of damn near every age. All of em either bitter and bewildered or frustrated and flabbergasted as to why someone as wonderful and exceptional as themselves is without a partner. The answer is really quite simple really, black women are entirely too preoccupied with themselves. Let's take the OP for instance. She may talk all that crap about wanting a kind, interesting, intelligent, and family oriented man - blah blah blah. But the truth of the matter is clearly evident in the subject line - she ain't looking for no man to share her life with or someone to build a relationship with...no f%ck all that, she ain't interested in all that and she ain't got time for all that nonsense. She wants to get married, period. Now don't get me wrong ain't nuthing wrong with marriage and ain't nuthing wrong with wanting someone to share your life with but believe it or not the world doesn't revolve around you and neither does a relationship. It's plenty of good black men out there - marriage material type dudes - but if you are expecting some custom made mate to just up and drop out the damn sky and magically land on one knee to propose to your ass then you downright delusional. What the hell kind of fairytale land are you living in girl? Relationships take time, energy, and effort. Relationships require sacrafice, compromise, and (gasp) consideration for the wants and needs of others. It ain't all about you. Now I ain't gonna claim to know all the intricacies of what happened with your past relationships - hell I'm sure some of the men you were involved with were jerks - but I'd be willing to bet that your ass wadn't exactly a cup of tea to be with either. Everybody got faults. Everybody got issues. Everybody got drawbacks and deficiencies and vices and variables and shortcomings and a shytload of drama with them that make em hard to deal with. YOU DO TO!! Your ass ain't perfect, so why you expect/demand that a man be perfectly suited to provide you happiness. Love ain't like that. Life ain't like that. You know what love is - work. You know what life is - work. Next time you ready to write a man off cause he don't meet every single prerequisite on your laundry list of "must have's" go look in the mirror and tell yourself to stop being so damn lazy and get to work.

You tell 'em Jesse Jackson!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a person in my office just like the OP. Well educated, well travelled, beautiful, sharp, can talk about any subject, but there is not a shred of vulnerability in her. She is uncompromising and will rarely not try to top you on a conversation. She talk a lot about wanting someone, but she will find something wrong with any man however minor. Noticed the OP said she wants someone sexy, at your age, I think you can look pass sexy.I take that to mean you're looking for someone with a certain image not just that you want a relationship. I am sure I am a lot uglier than you, but I have never had any problems attracting and keeping a man. You sound very proud of you pedigree and you wear on your collar.

You tell 'em Jesse Jackson!

sorry, wrong person quoted.

[Anonymous]

"Raised in a highly educated household'' from singles is usually a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: "Raised in a highly educated household'' from singles is usually a red flag.

It probably means:
Master's degree or higher
$200k or higher income
BMI of 23 or lower

and that's just the starters.

Might be time to give up on the DCUM Dream and live the Frederick Dream.