48. Must be married by 50

[Anonymous]

I was reading the "Im 26 and never had a boyfriend thread" and figured you all could give me some advice, too. I know DCUMs are really harsh and mean so i'm prepared for the insults.

Here's my situation. Raised in a highly educated household by parents who expected me to marry a certain sort of individual. Bought into it for through college. Had college boyfriend who was terrible so spent my 20s dating and having fun and not being worried about it (and with a few long relationships in there). In my early 30s I met a seemingly great guy whom I dated for 3 yrs but who ended up being a jerk and spent the next several years getting over the pain and betrayal. The rest of my 30s I dated a lot but never found anyone (turned down on proposal). In my 40s I adopted a child and moved overseas and enjoyed life though I felt a huge part was missing. Now I am heading towards 50 and am really sad that it may not work out for me and DC. I don't look 25 but 'black don't crack' so honestly I do look young for my age. 35 tops. (Think Halle Berry, Nia Long, Vivica A. Fox, Angela Bassett.. I'm not flawless like them bc I don't have their long dollars but I look good for my age). I went to decent schools, can carry on a conversation, am funny.. blah blah blah. Yes, I have a child but so do most women my age.

Been on numerous dating sites since time is really limited now. Have a few male friends who want to date exclusively but it's hard to settle with any of them because at this point I just don't see it. I MAY, just don't as of yet. I'm not necessarily picky but I do expect the man to be kind, interesting, sexy, intelligent and family oriented at the very least. I am open to men with children and they don't have to be gorgeous or rich. I'm feeling like I should just move back overseas where at least we can have an interesting life full of interesting friends and travel to exotic locales (which I can't afford from here)... but dating in some parts of the world is even more difficult!

C'mon DCUMs! Get me a proposal before 50!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the "Im 26 and never had a boyfriend thread" and figured you all could give me some advice, too. I know DCUMs are really harsh and mean so i'm prepared for the insults.

Here's my situation. Raised in a highly educated household by parents who expected me to marry a certain sort of individual. Bought into it for through college. Had college boyfriend who was terrible so spent my 20s dating and having fun and not being worried about it (and with a few long relationships in there). In my early 30s I met a seemingly great guy whom I dated for 3 yrs but who ended up being a jerk and spent the next several years getting over the pain and betrayal. The rest of my 30s I dated a lot but never found anyone (turned down on proposal). In my 40s I adopted a child and moved overseas and enjoyed life though I felt a huge part was missing. Now I am heading towards 50 and am really sad that it may not work out for me and DC. I don't look 25 but 'black don't crack' so honestly I do look young for my age. 35 tops. (Think Halle Berry, Nia Long, Vivica A. Fox, Angela Bassett.. I'm not flawless like them bc I don't have their long dollars but I look good for my age). I went to decent schools, can carry on a conversation, am funny.. blah blah blah. Yes, I have a child but so do most women my age.

Been on numerous dating sites since time is really limited now. Have a few male friends who want to date exclusively but it's hard to settle with any of them because at this point I just don't see it. I MAY, just don't as of yet. I'm not necessarily picky but I do expect the man to be kind, interesting, sexy, intelligent and family oriented at the very least. I am open to men with children and they don't have to be gorgeous or rich. I'm feeling like I should just move back overseas where at least we can have an interesting life full of interesting friends and travel to exotic locales (which I can't afford from here)... but dating in some parts of the world is even more difficult!

C'mon DCUMs! Get me a proposal before 50!

Why not?

I had a similar life to you, although no kid. I always wanted a life partner though. I swore though, that it'd never date a guy with kids. No problem with the kids, I just knew dealing with an ex would likely be problematic.

But then I met a guy with four kids, who was great! I broke my rule for him and he's not my husband. Married at 39 for the first time. And yes, a blended family can be stressful. In all the ways I imagined. But we get through it. The rest is great, though.

That's my long way of saying it might help to reevaluate the "rules" or standards you require.

[Anonymous]

He's NOW my husband.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, OP. I'm a few years older than you, and am also a single adoptive mom. I can't imagine bringing someone else in at this point to co-parent my child. I think I would bristle at someone else suddenly feeling he could weigh in... Maybe it's just my hang-up. I've pretty much given up on the husband front. Power to you!

[Anonymous]

Met a lady overseas who lives practically 7 blocks from my apartment in DC.
She was married twice with no children.
After retiring, she went and worked a year overseas and at 57 met the love of her life, a really nice American journalist a few years younger than her. They have been married for 3 years now.
It's a matter of luck and putting yourself out there.

[Anonymous]

Aw, come on PP. Love is an amazing thing!

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP from the "26 and never had a boyfriend" thread. My heart goes out to you, OP, and many hugs.

You honestly sound like an amazing catch and any guy would be lucky to have a smart, educated, well-maintained, accomplished woman like you. I am sure you adopted child is very happy!

If you are not digging your male friends, do you have any old female friends who know you really well and can set up up with someone they know who would suit you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met a lady overseas who lives practically 7 blocks from my apartment in DC.
She was married twice with no children.
After retiring, she went and worked a year overseas and at 57 met the love of her life, a really nice American journalist a few years younger than her. They have been married for 3 years now.
It's a matter of luck and putting yourself out there.

What a nice story! Where overseas did you meet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP from the "26 and never had a boyfriend" thread. My heart goes out to you, OP, and many hugs.

You honestly sound like an amazing catch and any guy would be lucky to have a smart, educated, well-maintained, accomplished woman like you. I am sure you adopted child is very happy!

If you are not digging your male friends, do you have any old female friends who know you really well and can set up up with someone they know who would suit you?

Thanks, that's sweet. (btw, i am the one who depressed you with my comment that you may not meet anyone til you are 30 or 35! )
I am asking my friends, both male and female. So far no luck but I remain ever hopeful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aw, come on PP. Love is an amazing thing!

I've never known it, so I don't know.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

If you haven't found a person to marry by now, you're not going to find someone. You have several guys who are willing to try, but you aren't interested.

This isn't going to happen for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw, come on PP. Love is an amazing thing!

I've never known it, so I don't know.

Sigh.

Well it can still happen! Did you read that post above about the woman meeting her husband at 57? Don't give up hope if it's something you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't found a person to marry by now, you're not going to find someone. You have several guys who are willing to try, but you aren't interested.

This isn't going to happen for you, OP.

The person above did. Plenty of people marry the wrong person when they are young and get divorced. Some remarry later in life. And I said I wasn't currently interested in the men interested in me but I may later. They both currently live out of state, one is moving back in January.. we'll see... And I figure if I got two interested, there could be more around the corner with whom i'm a better match.

Be nice!

[Anonymous]

I know this is often said, but have you tried Meetup? I only say this because my single mom friend met someone really nice and normal this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't found a person to marry by now, you're not going to find someone. You have several guys who are willing to try, but you aren't interested.

This isn't going to happen for you, OP.

The person above did. Plenty of people marry the wrong person when they are young and get divorced. Some remarry later in life. And I said I wasn't currently interested in the men interested in me but I may later. They both currently live out of state, one is moving back in January.. we'll see... And I figure if I got two interested, there could be more around the corner with whom i'm a better match.

Be nice!

I'm not being mean.

The person above was previously in a marriage and divorced. You haven't done that. The other people you are talking about also married and divorced.

You sound very picky. If you haven't found someone to try marriage with by now, you are not going to find someone to try it with because you are picky. Your choices are more narrow now than they were when you were younger. The odds don't get better. People are starting to die off.