My husband told his parents that my job is disappearing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really stressful to lose a job. Is it possible that you are projecting some of your distress onto your husband? Can you just avoid the ILs for the duration, and have a talk with DH focusing on the positive things he can do to support you? It does get better!

OP Here. Part of the reason I am having a hard time is that this is right before the holidays. There is no way I can avoid the ILs, as we are spending the later part of this week with them and more time in December. If you knew my ILs you know this will be the favorite topic to talk about over Thanksgiving dinner. I really can't see how I can be expected to put myself through that and have any self-respect left at the end of it.

So were you expecting your husband to lie all through the holidays if they asked about your job? Do you really not see how you are overreacting? Also, were you in on the phone call or were you listening in? What stopped you from saying "yes, it is unfortunate. My company downsized and while they still had a position for me, it just wasn't going to work out." Take a step back and calm down. You want to separate from your husband over this? I feel bad for him.

My husband uses the speakerphone function in our small apartment. I wasn't part of the call so I thought it would be weird to jump in. Also, I was a little bit flabbergasted he said anything. I would never ask him to lie. He could have honestly answered the question with "we're fine" or any number of variations on that. We almost never talk about work with them because of their history of being a**holes about it. Part of the reason I am upset is that he tells me everything is okay, well fine...then act like it is. I need him to be positive right now. I know I am very stressed and going through a hard time, and I need him to make it better, not worse. Getting sh*t from the ILs is going to make the process more difficult. I also think it was MY news to tell, not his. At the absolute least, he needs to be positive in what he says around me. I don't think this is asking to much.

Lady get a grip, it is not his job to make your life better. Your husband is a person too, he can provide suport, but not magically make your troubles go away. He did not fire you, he just opened his big mouth and told his parents when you were not ready to spread the news.
His job is to be PART OF YOUR TEAM and guess what, sometimes your teammate runs their big mouth. Sometimes the other teammate overreacts about it. Looks like a draw.
And serious question, if you are concerned about finances, why would you just not take the job they offered and kept looking for a new job? Or would you have had to sign a contract obligating you to work for a specified period of time?

OP again. We are not at all worried about finances. I never said we were. My husband and I, together, decided that we didn't need the money so much as the time. We are both selective about our jobs, and are fortunate that we can do that if we want. Money is no issue in our situation, although of course the in laws want to see a balance sheet now that the whole situation has become public knowledge.

Then why are you so incredibly stressed about the situation? I just read your original post. You made an informed decision about the company, you have a few more weeks of work, and now you say that money is no issue and you can afford to be selective about work. But you claimed to be "incredibly stressed" at the prospect of the restructuring? And are threatening to move across the country to get away from your husband? The whole premise seems messed up.

(Not OP)
Are you dense? Losing your job is not a great feeling. Most people would be upset about that. Especially if they enjoy and take pride in what they do. And clearly she had considered moving because she felt hurt and betrayed by her husband's actions. Not everything is about money.

[Anonymous]

When DW got promoted, I didn't tell anyone until she gave me the go-ahead because it wasn't yet public in the company. When I got my new job and we were going to be moving away she didn't tell anyone until I told her it was all clear because I wanted to make sure my employer heard it from me first. There's a lot of stuff I wouldn't tell without discussing with her first and vice-versa, it's basic courtesy.

That said, it happened and you need to talk to him about expectations going forward, particularly sticking up for you more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. We are not at all worried about finances. I never said we were. My husband and I, together, decided that we didn't need the money so much as the time. We are both selective about our jobs, and are fortunate that we can do that if we want. Money is no issue in our situation, although of course the in laws want to see a balance sheet now that the whole situation has become public knowledge.

Okay, now it is sounding more like either you or your husband have some sort of family money. My guess from the sugar daddy comment from the in-laws all but wanting to see your balance sheet that your DH had in some way benefitted from family money. Either his parents are comfortable financially and/or they have sacrificed in some way that makes them feel entitled to ask their adult married son detailed questions about his financial situation.

I'm not saying you want to take any job but for someone to be incredibly selective about jobs and not worry about money means the money and support has to be coming from someone else that is concerned about money unless you are in a second career right now and the first was incredibly lucrative. If my guess is on track, you have a different set of issues than the ones you wrote about.

[Anonymous]

Exactly what is your problem ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. We are not at all worried about finances. I never said we were. My husband and I, together, decided that we didn't need the money so much as the time. We are both selective about our jobs, and are fortunate that we can do that if we want. Money is no issue in our situation, although of course the in laws want to see a balance sheet now that the whole situation has become public knowledge.

Okay, now it is sounding more like either you or your husband have some sort of family money. My guess from the sugar daddy comment from the in-laws all but wanting to see your balance sheet that your DH had in some way benefitted from family money. Either his parents are comfortable financially and/or they have sacrificed in some way that makes them feel entitled to ask their adult married son detailed questions about his financial situation.

I'm not saying you want to take any job but for someone to be incredibly selective about jobs and not worry about money means the money and support has to be coming from someone else that is concerned about money unless you are in a second career right now and the first was incredibly lucrative. If my guess is on track, you have a different set of issues than the ones you wrote about.

OP again. There's no family money. In fact, both my husband and I started off with a lot of (student loan) debt. We both have professional jobs, and, as a result of having to pay off lots of grad school debt, our expenses have always been a small fraction of our combine income. While loosing one income is obviously a significant change for us, we can manage. It's amazing how much freedom you can have when your expenses are low. We are responsible adults with an emergency fund, although we won't need to pull from it, since we can live off DH's income alone. I do want to find work, since I would like for us to keep being ambitious with our retirement goals and so that we have more security and DH doesn't have to deal with the pressure of his job being our end-all-be-all. However, neither DH or I thought it was smart for me to take the unappealing job offer, or to take "just any job" for the sake of an income.