Are you friends with your SIL?

[Anonymous]

Good friends with one SIL, can barely stand to be in the same room with the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My brother's wife is selfish and entitled. She was the first in her family to get married and have kids, and I think she has unrealistic expectations about how much others should help her. I've done a lot for them over the years, always helping her out, and it's hurt me tremendously that there's no acknowledgment and she still feels like I owe her something. I've reached out to her many times - but there's no reciprocity. My brother's kind of an ass as well.

Other SIL's I get along with. We're not BFFs or anything, but when we see each other we get along fine. They're a little older and less entitled.

You sound like my SIL. Did it ever occur to you that she doesn't want/need your help or that you are overbearing and have no boundaries? Maybe that's why there is no reciprocity- because you just expect too much from others for your help they didn't ask for or want.

Nope, you're not my SIL, unless you've totally forgotten about all the dozens (hundreds?) of requests for help. Somehow, I don't think I'm the odd one out for expecting a meager 2% reciprocity from family. That's kind of what normal, non-entitled people do for each other. That's kind of how most civilized relationships work (key word: relationship - ie, meaning a duality).

Anyway. My other SILs are kind and cool and we get along well. But my selfish brother and his selfish wife deserve each other. Although 4 years in and they've already had many marital problems, so maybe they'll realize their self-absorption can't really work even when you're solmate mirrors of each others entitlement? Oh well, not my problem!

[Anonymous]

My husband's brother's wife and I are not friends.

We are cordial, but she has been rude to me too many times for me to ever want to be friends with her.

They (husband's brother and his wife) are also just very different people. They're the kind of people who make every event in their lives a big spectacle that the entire, extended family has to care about. But they don't make any effort -- none -- for other people.

My husband has done so many things for them, but it's like they can't even be bothered to send us a card for a big event.

[Anonymous]

I like to be friend my SILs but can't. I have to go through my brothers to even ask them a question, unless my brother says to speak to her directly.

There's one that SEEM to be the nicest but her action doesn't match with her words. Thus, my mom only sees her grandson 2-3 times a year. They live just 1 hr away. But, she takes her son to see her mom everyday-and sister every weekend, according to my brother.

Strangest thing is the brother I'm least close to has the best wife (meaning she's tries to see us and take the little one to see my parents) and the brother that is close to me doesn't have the best wife (meaning we only see her and the little one several times a year). Then, there's one SIL that visits us and my parents once a month which is not bad. And there's me, that takes my son to see my mom every other week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's brother's wife and I are not friends.

We are cordial, but she has been rude to me too many times for me to ever want to be friends with her.

They (husband's brother and his wife) are also just very different people. They're the kind of people who make every event in their lives a big spectacle that the entire, extended family has to care about. But they don't make any effort -- none -- for other people.

My husband has done so many things for them, but it's like they can't even be bothered to send us a card for a big event.

I believe that your SIL is my SIL's identical twin.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe I even have my SIL's phone number. I wish things were different. But when we see each other three or four times a year we have lots of laughs and a nice time. She's not interested in being part of that family and lumps me in as well even though I am an in-law as well. But v polite and has jokes in person

[Anonymous]

I have two, and the answer is "no, but..."

--SIL 1, my husband's sister, is much younger (still in college). I think we would be friends, independent of any family connection, if we were the same age--we are very similar in a lot of ways. But she and I have never lived near each other, and the age gap feels huge at this point in time.

--We also have never lived near SIL 2, my BIL's wife. She and I have similar careers and some similar traits, but overall we seem to be pretty different people, and I'd be surprised if we ever get close.

Part of the "problem" (I'm not sure it is a problem, really) is that my in-laws operate with an emotional remove that suggests a lack of feeling. That's not actually the case at all, but to a one, they have a very hard time expressing themselves in emotional terms. I also am very reserved except with my husband and closest family, so it's not like *I* can draw them out.

As for BILs, I am really fond of my husband's brother. We might be close if we lived near each other. I do live near my sister's husband, but we are SO different from each other, and he's a pretty quiet, held-in guy. Not sure we'll ever be buds.

[Anonymous]

We get along fine with my brother's wife, but every time we meet I think she is secretly judging me (and yes I judge her, too).
She is nice enough to me, but channels lots of resources towards her family (she chooses gifts for them, but never for our family, leaves it to my brother who is a bit penny pinching).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it is sisters in law who are married to brothers, as opposed to sisters in law who are connected through a sibling - like a woman marries a man and he has a sister wh becomes her sister in law - are more likely to get along?

Only have experience with latter. SIL very jealous when I came into picture. Things have markedly improved but there have been low points. DH works hard to have a relationship with her even though he has been disappointed in her treatment of me. My ILs find us the easier family. We make fewer demands and more able to go with flow. But it is all much better now than in the early years of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

I have one SIL-to-be who is my very close friend. She and my brother have been together for almost ten years and we have been very close the entire time. I consider her to be my sister and have told her things that even my DH doesn't know.
My second SIL has a baby two weeks older than mine. We were never close and don't have much in common, but have bonded over baby stuff. I know she feels a little uncomfortable around my family and my brother is very overprotective of her as a result so I try to be nice and usually end up enjoying her company. We get along better one on one than in a group.
My third SIL and I get along when we see each other at family events but we dont really like each other. She thinks she's Carrie Bradshaw. She's a good aunt to DD though, so that's all that really matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nice SIL = secure.

Nasty, pissy SIL = insecure, doesn't want a "new" woman in the family. Afraid you will find something out.

Mine is the latter, proved me right, unfortunately.

Maybe it's you.

[Anonymous]

Love my brothers wife- she's like a sister to me. CANNOT stand my husbands brother or wife. Rude aholes.

[Anonymous]

No. We have nothing in common. She lives 5 hrs away and we rarely see her. She is way too cool and urban for me.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is a spoiled brat. Unfortunately my husband doesn't think so. I tolerate her because she is family.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I enjoy being with all of my SILs. I realize that is not necessarily typical.