Crazy Commute - is it worth it to go to school of choice????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The attitude that SAHM are just waiting to drive your kid for you is amazing.

I agree that SAHM will make a big deal about it and WOHM will probably be more helpful.

Um, right . Let's see, this brouhaha started when a WOHM fairly insensitively suggested that a fellow parent, a SAHM, might drive her kids to school EVERY DAY in exchange for GAS MONEY!

Many have noted that your suggestion was insensitive, crass and just plain wrong. I happen to WOH and have to do the same logistical gymnastics as everyone else to make the kids' schedules work. Frankly, the SAHMs in my community also jump through the same hoops as I do. To suggest they are sitting around hoping for your gas money in exchange for doing you a HUGE favor every single day is stunningly obtuse.

You do realize that, whether working at an office or staying at home with kids, the logistics for drop off, pick up, and driving to activities is so hard b/c these things essentially all happen during the same couple of time-windows every day (the morning rush and the afternoon rush). For ex., even if you are at home, you still may need to drop off/pick up 2 kids from 2 schools at basically the same time. In addition, one soccer practice still overlaps with baseball and/or dance class. It isn't like the stay at home moms magically stagger their pick-ups throughout the day. They are as slammed as you are during the drop offs and pick ups. To not "get" that demonstrates a real lack of understanding.

I was at home for over 2 years, this is not either/or. This is about women taking every opportunity to diminish each other. Grow up and recognize that you are out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The essence of a carpool is that you take turns. As a SAHM, I'm happy to do you a favor every once in a while (i.e. early dismissal day, snow day, emergency), but I am not willing to make a long term commitment to driving your kid without sharing the load. Even thpugh I do not work for pay, I do have commitments, and to ask me to do all the driving (with or without offering gas money) is insulting and assumes that your time is worth much more than my time.

I carppol to get my kid to school, but what that means is tha each family is responsible for driving an equal number of trips.

+1000

SAHM here. I have been offered $ by working parents to drive their kids to school daily. So insulting!

[Anonymous]

I did not say that SAHM have more time in the afternoon, they,don't. But they are more sensitive about being asked about carpools. You can see that each SAHM on this thread alone mentioned they are insulted by,being asked, which is overly sensitive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The attitude that SAHM are just waiting to drive your kid for you is amazing.

I agree that SAHM will make a big deal about it and WOHM will probably be more helpful.

Um, right . Let's see, this brouhaha started when a WOHM fairly insensitively suggested that a fellow parent, a SAHM, might drive her kids to school EVERY DAY in exchange for GAS MONEY!

Many have noted that your suggestion was insensitive, crass and just plain wrong. I happen to WOH and have to do the same logistical gymnastics as everyone else to make the kids' schedules work. Frankly, the SAHMs in my community also jump through the same hoops as I do. To suggest they are sitting around hoping for your gas money in exchange for doing you a HUGE favor every single day is stunningly obtuse.

You do realize that, whether working at an office or staying at home with kids, the logistics for drop off, pick up, and driving to activities is so hard b/c these things essentially all happen during the same couple of time-windows every day (the morning rush and the afternoon rush). For ex., even if you are at home, you still may need to drop off/pick up 2 kids from 2 schools at basically the same time. In addition, one soccer practice still overlaps with baseball and/or dance class. It isn't like the stay at home moms magically stagger their pick-ups throughout the day. They are as slammed as you are during the drop offs and pick ups. To not "get" that demonstrates a real lack of understanding.

I was at home for over 2 years, this is not either/or. This is about women taking every opportunity to diminish each other. Grow up and recognize that you are out of line.

[Anonymous]

It completely depends on why this school is your first choice school. If it fits your particular student like a glove and it would be as though that child has finally found nirvana, then you do what you have to do because that kind of fit doesn't happen for all kids all the time. If it is a great choice but it is not unique for this particular student, you might find the travel stress onerous.

[Anonymous]

Hey 12:53, I'm the Pp you quoted and I WOH. To be clear, your request IS insulting and ant SAHM you ask to do this will likely feel and be insulted.

[Anonymous]

For crying out loud, could you harpies let up on the SAHM/WOHM thing for five minutes and try to answer the OP's question?

Yes, OP, I did the crazy commute for 9 years. I sucked... big time.. but my kids liked the school and they were doing great so I sucked it up and slogged thru to the end. If you decide to go the crazy commute route you will eat a lot of meals in the car, your kids will have to do some degree of picking and choosing of activities and your kids will likely need to stay at school if there's any lag time between activities and the end of the school day.

SAHM's I have found, are generally quick to volunteer to take your kid to an occasional birthday party after school or something like that. Once you make friends with the other mom's I never had a problem. In fact, most other moms would say "if you need me to do a party run or if you get stuck in traffic and need a pickup, let me know" type of thing. The day the bus fell off the I-270 overpass, one mom called my cell and said "do you just want me to take Larla home and you can get her whenever you manage to get here?"

In terms of carpooling... Its not a SAHM vs. WOHM issue. Every school my kids have attended will provide info to the parents to set up carpools. My son graduated from a DC private and we had a large carpool that worked really well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey 12:53, I'm the Pp you quoted and I WOH. To be clear, your request IS insulting and ant SAHM you ask to do this will likely feel and be insulted.

I don't find it insulting if someody asks for help. If YOU find it insulting it IS super sensitive to read into a request for help. SAHM are super sensitive about their time being considered valuable, or theirs or for THEIR children. I did not say no WOHM are going to be super sensitive or unhelpful, I just said it was less likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey 12:53, I'm the Pp you quoted and I WOH. To be clear, your request IS insulting and ant SAHM you ask to do this will likely feel and be insulted.

I don't find it insulting if someody asks for help. If YOU find it insulting it IS super sensitive to read into a request for help. SAHM are super sensitive about their time being considered valuable, or theirs or for THEIR children. I did not say no WOHM are going to be super sensitive or unhelpful, I just said it was less likely.

Go back an re-read the request. It wasn't about a "request for help." It was about seeing if a SAHM would do it in exchange for "gas money." Those two things are different. It is insulting.

Here's an unrealistic example that might illuminate it a bit: what if a more senior person in your firm asked you to do her time sheets (or billing or any other annoying task) -- and asked you to do it every month -- in exchange for "coffee money." Of course you would feel insulted and slighted. The implication is that you would do a hassle task that she doesn't want to do, and that you would do it for a nominal amount because you must need the money. Do you see how this is different from one colleague asking another colleague for the occasional favor. There is a world of difference between the two.

[Anonymous]

If you think taking your kid to/from school everyday is worth less than the price of a cup coffee, then you have no idea what you're asking.

[Anonymous]

This whole WOH/SAHM thread, while not relevant to the OP's question, does remind me of when a WOH mom in my neighborhood told me that she was so glad I was a SAHM because there might be some days when she or her nanny wouldn't be at home and her son would need to come to my house after school. I was flabbergasted that she actually thought I would be at home, every day, after school, as if my kids had no activities or we would never have any plans. Very presumptuous. I didn't say that in so many words to her, but I did say our afternoons were sometimes complicated and that she shouldn't count on me being home.

[Anonymous]

I have been a WOH and SAHM mom, and I really believes it boils down to how to speak to and treat people. I have established a group of families and neighbors and my kids' school that I can rely on in a pinch, who can give my kid a ride or have them over for a playdate (aka free babysitting), I ask very nicely and do not take advantage (ask too much). I also try to always help out others, even if it inconveniences me or I just don't feel like it, if I can do it 99% of the time I will. But I tell you, nothing gets under my skin more than someone being rude, uppity or feeling taken advantage of. I think it is incredibly unreasonable to assume someone else would want to take someone else's child to/from school everyday. Hire a college or high school student to do it.

[Anonymous]

It's not about anything except people being overly sensitive. I would do a time sheet for somebody if they needed me too, if they offered me a Starbucks I would say I take cream and sugar.

I do favors in the office all the time. Kid sick...favor. Have cancer... Favor. Sometimes I get a Starbucks, sometimes nothing, sometimes Redskins tickets. Sometimes I say pay it forward.

Maybe that is why the SAhM is getting so upset, team environments work that way, I am use to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey 12:53, I'm the Pp you quoted and I WOH. To be clear, your request IS insulting and ant SAHM you ask to do this will likely feel and be insulted.

I don't find it insulting if someody asks for help. If YOU find it insulting it IS super sensitive to read into a request for help. SAHM are super sensitive about their time being considered valuable, or theirs or for THEIR children. I did not say no WOHM are going to be super sensitive or unhelpful, I just said it was less likely.

Go back an re-read the request. It wasn't about a "request for help." It was about seeing if a SAHM would do it in exchange for "gas money." Those two things are different. It is insulting.

Here's an unrealistic example that might illuminate it a bit: what if a more senior person in your firm asked you to do her time sheets (or billing or any other annoying task) -- and asked you to do it every month -- in exchange for "coffee money." Of course you would feel insulted and slighted. The implication is that you would do a hassle task that she doesn't want to do, and that you would do it for a nominal amount because you must need the money. Do you see how this is different from one colleague asking another colleague for the occasional favor. There is a world of difference between the two.