17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!

[Anonymous]

The dad bothers me more than the DD using pot.

Time around him should be limited somehow.

I think putting the dad on notice that you are aware of this and find it inappropriate might be wise. If he has bad motives he will be on notice that your radar is up and hopefully move on.

The trick is to put him on notice without damaging the open dialogue with your daughter at a time where she has limited outlet for open dialogue with people.

I suppose you could decide to say nothing to preserve the open communication with DD. I would place a premium on this.

[Anonymous]

Are they from Marin County? It is simply not possible that these types of families are creatures of DC's conservative and upright culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing that really bugs me about this is the Dad wanting to smoke with your daughter. You know what kind of grown men want to get high with 17-year-old girls, right? That's super, super creepy.

Agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGE red flag here.

[Anonymous]

I would be weary of letting her ride cars owned by the family or DD. If she's caught in a car with drugs in it, she'll be under arrest.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier when I thought you were in California. In Maryland and dc, this is a much bigger deal. The legal consequences will be greater if she is caught with pot or with others with pot.

[Anonymous]

OP here with more updates! I went over to the friend's home last night. They live in a well-maintained home and seemed very understanding. Her mom is Buddhist, so there was incense burning in the living area of the house. It might be because of this that I didn't notice an overwhelming marijuana odor, but overall the house was clean and well-kept. They did have a shelf dedicated to paraphernalia like DD said, but it was on the bottom of a bookshelf with glass doors covering it up. Otherwise, no Bob Marley posters or rasta colors or anything like that.

I learned that the two moved to the area from a liberal college town, which explains their departure from the typically conservative MD family. I also think this is why DD and her friend get along so well, as they both aren't satisfied with the "typical" culture of MoCo girls. They're into stuff like organic food and meditation (no judgement, of course!), but overall seemed like responsible, if unconventional, parents. The dad works a 9-5 job in hospitality, and seemed to genuinely regret smoking with the two girls. He said he understands that pot affects everyone differently, and that just because he finds it helpful for him and his daughter doesn't mean that he should be influencing or enabling my DD to start using. His story also matched up 100% with DD's. While I don't think I'm ready to trust DD in their house just yet, I think that going over with DD for dinner once in a while wouldn't be a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you handled this beautifully and that this is a really good outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you handled this beautifully and that this is a really good outcome.

+1

Now keep an eye on her mood.

[Anonymous]

OP - congratulations on a good job done! You were able to get your point across in a firm, but respectful way. Glad it worked out this way for you.

I still think you need to keep an eye on your daughter and consider offering her therapy - in a gentle, "if you want to talk to someone" kind of way.

Thanks for the update and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with more updates! I went over to the friend's home last night. They live in a well-maintained home and seemed very understanding. Her mom is Buddhist, so there was incense burning in the living area of the house. It might be because of this that I didn't notice an overwhelming marijuana odor, but overall the house was clean and well-kept. They did have a shelf dedicated to paraphernalia like DD said, but it was on the bottom of a bookshelf with glass doors covering it up. Otherwise, no Bob Marley posters or rasta colors or anything like that.

I learned that the two moved to the area from a liberal college town, which explains their departure from the typically conservative MD family. I also think this is why DD and her friend get along so well, as they both aren't satisfied with the "typical" culture of MoCo girls. They're into stuff like organic food and meditation (no judgement, of course!), but overall seemed like responsible, if unconventional, parents. The dad works a 9-5 job in hospitality, and seemed to genuinely regret smoking with the two girls. He said he understands that pot affects everyone differently, and that just because he finds it helpful for him and his daughter doesn't mean that he should be influencing or enabling my DD to start using. His story also matched up 100% with DD's. While I don't think I'm ready to trust DD in their house just yet, I think that going over with DD for dinner once in a while wouldn't be a bad idea.

I still think you are crazy. No way no how would my kid ever step into a house again where the father had smoked pot with my DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - congratulations on a good job done! You were able to get your point across in a firm, but respectful way. Glad it worked out this way for you.

I still think you need to keep an eye on your daughter and consider offering her therapy - in a gentle, "if you want to talk to someone" kind of way.

Thanks for the update and good luck!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with more updates! I went over to the friend's home last night. They live in a well-maintained home and seemed very understanding. Her mom is Buddhist, so there was incense burning in the living area of the house. It might be because of this that I didn't notice an overwhelming marijuana odor, but overall the house was clean and well-kept. They did have a shelf dedicated to paraphernalia like DD said, but it was on the bottom of a bookshelf with glass doors covering it up. Otherwise, no Bob Marley posters or rasta colors or anything like that.

I learned that the two moved to the area from a liberal college town, which explains their departure from the typically conservative MD family. I also think this is why DD and her friend get along so well, as they both aren't satisfied with the "typical" culture of MoCo girls. They're into stuff like organic food and meditation (no judgement, of course!), but overall seemed like responsible, if unconventional, parents. The dad works a 9-5 job in hospitality, and seemed to genuinely regret smoking with the two girls. He said he understands that pot affects everyone differently, and that just because he finds it helpful for him and his daughter doesn't mean that he should be influencing or enabling my DD to start using. His story also matched up 100% with DD's. While I don't think I'm ready to trust DD in their house just yet, I think that going over with DD for dinner once in a while wouldn't be a bad idea.

I still think you are crazy. No way no how would my kid ever step into a house again where the father had smoked pot with my DD.

+2!

[Anonymous]

I scanned through the posts because I can tell you hard it would have been to move for our oldest daughter had we done so in the middle of high school. She and her husband and young daughters now live in Silver Springs in MoCo. I think it is important for every parent to set standards with teenagers and to adhere to them. However, you are raising a point about a teen who is soon to turn 18 and "legally" be on her own. You do need to keep reenforcing upon her the legalities as you have mentioned about even being in the company of others who are smoking, even if she is not, including when driving. At her age, it is more than just holding one set of parents "accountable' about what is done in your daughter's presence. It is to clearly state the impact of what poor decision-making on her part will make in terms of any controlled substance - alcohol as well as marijuana.

I can agree that moving to a high school in MoCo can be an overwhelming experience as they are very large such as 2,500 to 3,000 teens. You seemed to have been slammed pretty hard for the decision that you made for your daughter. Well, my daughter hears many tall tales from a 16 year old "mother's helper" who comes over to help out with the twins in the evening. For those preaching to you, it seems that drugs of all kinds are rampant in the high schools and it is well known that alcohol, of course, is at the ever ready and served by parents routinely to other teens. So to all parents, I would add to set standards and keep reminding them of the decision making across the board for alcohol, pills, and alcohol.

[Anonymous]

OP, the parents sound cool. I would light up a spliff with them and chillax. Life does not have to be a constant struggle.

[Anonymous]

OP - Those parents sound like folks who never grew out of their own college or early free whatever days AND never matured enough to take 'the heat" of not being their teen's "friend" or "cool parent." However, equally clear are any parents of teens who knowingly serve alcohol to other underage kids AND then especially are not "adult enough" to at least call them a cab or see that a non-drinking teen drives them home. However, the list of possible dangers to a teen in another family's home goes on and on in so many different scenarios - homes with guns around, homes with pills all around and casually used for this and that, the liquor flowing, easy sex fine whatever. It comes down to setting and following your family's standards and continually reenforcing the whys and the good decisions which are made. Teens will make risky decisions at times and when and if that happens then clearly pointing out the dangers and what could have gone so wrong. I think you are quite aware that parenting does not end at age 18, but the context changes because by then the teen will or will not have a positive construct on which to base decisions - in other words no parent can be there to protect for a lifetime.