Lean-In Circles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is "lean in" new? I remeber in the 70's when my mom went back to work (and I became a latch key kid) because she was told she could "have it all."

I haven't read the book (not like most of you have, either) but the concept resonates with me because I went to a women's college and saw firsthand how women hold themselves back even in the abselce of institutional barriers. As I understand it, that's what "leaning in" is about. Not "having it all,"but having enough confidence to not sell yourself short. I don't know a single woman at any level of success who couldn't use reminding about that and I work with very confident women at the top levels of my fed agency.

From what I've read, this is her central thesis. But, what drives me absolutely crazy is that confidence is nowhere near enough for success. I'm SS's age and can honestly say I've leaned-in my entire career and gotten little for it. I mean, I am NO wallflower. The response to that confidence has either been aggression and anger (usually from other women) and/or patronization or not being taken seriously (usually by men). The problem is NOT a lack of confidence or women not "leaning in" but the fact that I always have to be twice as good as a man to be taken half as seriously. I call it "implied incompetence." Simply by virtue of the fact that I am a woman it's has been nearly impossible to get listened to in many jobs. And the jobs where I have really and truly kicked it are the jobs where the senior men have taken me seriously and not shut me out. It's that simple. And Sandberg herself admits that much of her success is attributable to luck and the fact that she had powerful mentors. Well, those mentors gave her credibility with the other boys, which is not something all of us are lucky enough to have at every job and no amount of leaning is going to change that.

I'm the pp you quoted and I agree somewhat. Re being confident, women are damned if we are and damned if we aren't. From what I've heard SS is inconsistent in a lot of places in the book, that is, her stories illustrate both sides of this dynamic. To me this isn't a weakness in her message--it's reality, and its telling that even someone at her level has to navigate the same infuriating double standard waters that the rest of us do. there really is no single road to success. We all have to figure out what works for us as best we can...which is where lean-in circles (learning from other women) are undoubtedly intended to help.

But I will say again: my experience at a women's college was STRIKING. I saw very clearly how we really do oppress ourselves and each other. I was the only girl in the math and science classes in (small coed) HS and learned how to speak up or get left behind. At college it wasn't necessary because NOBODY ELSE EVER SPOKE...and I got judged as a bitch for answering the teacher's questions. The system that maintains a double standard for women is perpetuated by everyone.