Lean-In Circles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But, kids need nurturing from their mothers and it isn't the same from dads or grandparents. I don't know why, it just is. And I for one hate to have to admit that.

Thoughtful post, PP, thanks.

This is the part I don't agree with. Why can't it be the same from dads?

And to follow on that, if we ARE stipulating that it's not the same from dads, are we then agreeing that we're okay with us as a society having NO MOMS in high level jobs?

[Anonymous]

I think that some people are commenting who have not read or heard what Lean In is about. First, no one says you have to work 80 hours/week to be successful or to join a circle with Lean In. In fact that is the exact opposite.
As a full time working mother I have a career which I love and a spouse and child I adore. The spouse steps up - big time- and it helps me to do what I do... and vice versa. What I want to see is more confidence... and I need stories and support from other professional working women to give me some boosts, tips, and the confidence to step up.
Tearing other women down for working hard AND being mothers is the exact opposite of the intent.

[Anonymous]

+4

Also, the lean-in routine from a billionaire has me running for a barf bag. She's a 1%er. What does she know about real life?!

[Anonymous]

Have any of the four PPs read the book?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But, kids need nurturing from their mothers and it isn't the same from dads or grandparents. I don't know why, it just is. And I for one hate to have to admit that.

Thoughtful post, PP, thanks.

This is the part I don't agree with. Why can't it be the same from dads?

And to follow on that, if we ARE stipulating that it's not the same from dads, are we then agreeing that we're okay with us as a society having NO MOMS in high level jobs?

I'm the. Pp you quoted.

Why isn't it the same? Because the first preference is to "have the boo boo kissed by mommy." Now, if mommy isn't around can daddy or a grandparent etc. do it? Yes, of course they can. Is it the same as when mommy kisses it. Uh, no. Is it that subliminal bond that mother and child have? Probably. Does every woman have this bond? No, but most normal women do.

Should "NO MOMS" have high level jobs. That is not what I am saying at all! I think women should not be penalized for going home to take care of their kids rather than staying at work late like single women or men. I think women should have better support from her peers not get resentment and hostility. i have friends where colleagues scheduled meetings when they weren't around just to hurt them. It happens. Getting some husbands to help or change can be near impossible. That is a whole new battle in itself.

And why the fuck should only women with "helpful" husbands and "money" for housekeepers and nannies get the high level jobs? Basically, it sounds like lean-in is for rich women with great husbands. Technically, it could be an improvement but once again the single mom, the woman w/o a housekeeper or nanny gets screwed. Who has confidence when other women are stabbing you in the back?

And no you don't have to work 80 hours to get ahead but definitely more than 40.

I have to give my kid a bath. I'll write more later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that some people are commenting who have not read or heard what Lean In is about. First, no one says you have to work 80 hours/week to be successful or to join a circle with Lean In. In fact that is the exact opposite.
As a full time working mother I have a career which I love and a spouse and child I adore. The spouse steps up - big time- and it helps me to do what I do... and vice versa. What I want to see is more confidence... and I need stories and support from other professional working women to give me some boosts, tips, and the confidence to step up.
Tearing other women down for working hard AND being mothers is the exact opposite of the intent.

Frankly, if successful women had been interested in giving other women "some boosts, tips and the confidence to step up" over the last 30 years, there would be no need for this type of manufactured women-helping-women b.s. now. Women don't like to help women. We all know this. In particular, older women who may have felt they couldn't take any time off for family (or couldn't have a family at all) are quite hostile toward women in the workplace who want to take time off or who are returning from time away. Fix that, you've fixed the problem. Fail to address that, no amount of pretend "we're all in this together" networking events will make any difference.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of these circles. Seems so 70s/conciousness raising. We can remind each other to take on challenges rather than ruling them out in advance.

To all of you who don't think your husbands can't do half and won't be able to nurture your kids and be equally good at boo boo kissing, take off your blinders. There are lots of single dads and gay married dads and stay at hime dads who are the go to boo boo kisser. They are wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Sandberg's mentor was Larry Summers, one of the architects of the 2008 crash. She is a 1% big time. Facebook makes billions yet pays NO FEDERAL INCOME TAXES. Try leaning in on that.

[Anonymous]

And why the fuck should only women with "helpful" husbands and "money" for housekeepers and nannies get the high level jobs?

Agreed! I wish we were talking about policy changes as a part of this discussion. Let's hear it for high quality, subsidized child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And why the fuck should only women with "helpful" husbands and "money" for housekeepers and nannies get the high level jobs?

Agreed! I wish we were talking about policy changes as a part of this discussion. Let's hear it for high quality, subsidized child care.

Because the reality is - how else would you handle it. I love her premise. I can't wait to read the book. I have a housekeeper. I don't have a helpful husband. Hence, the housekeeper. It's the only way that I can enjoy my job and kids!

[Anonymous]

We cannot have it all. I wish we could, but we can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that some people are commenting who have not read or heard what Lean In is about. First, no one says you have to work 80 hours/week to be successful or to join a circle with Lean In. In fact that is the exact opposite.
As a full time working mother I have a career which I love and a spouse and child I adore. The spouse steps up - big time- and it helps me to do what I do... and vice versa. What I want to see is more confidence... and I need stories and support from other professional working women to give me some boosts, tips, and the confidence to step up.
Tearing other women down for working hard AND being mothers is the exact opposite of the intent.

I agree completely. So many of my friends left the workforce when they had kids and I've found I just don't know many other working moms--even in the DC area. I'd love to find a group of people to talk about what works to excel in your career while having a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sandberg's mentor was Larry Summers, one of the architects of the 2008 crash. She is a 1% big time. Facebook makes billions yet pays NO FEDERAL INCOME TAXES. Try leaning in on that.

Facebook doesn't pay income taxes because it gave a crapload of stock options to its executives that, when exercised, prompt personal income taxes -- at a higher rate (now about 42% for people with those high incomes) than the corporate tax rate (35%), no less.

The IRS doesn't give a crap where the money comes from so long as it still gets the tax. Explain to me why it's significant to you that it be Facebook that pays income tax instead of the executives? So long as the government isn't actually deprived of revenue, I can't see why it matters.

[Anonymous]

I wish the the profits from Lean In went to a charitable organization, rather than to more middle-upper class women.

[Anonymous]

Agree that more change is needed on a systemic level, not on individual levels of women working harder. I don't think it's a bad idea for women to get together and talk about their experiences and what is working/isn't working, but just having the circles isn't going to change anything. And asking men to step up isn't working either -- when they do, nobody's happy:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/more-fathers-than-mothers-say-they-arent-spending-enough-time-with-their-kids/2013/03/13/1f969de8-8bf9-11e2-b63f-f53fb9f2fcb4_story.html

We ALL need better and more affordable child care and not to be penalized for working a flex schedule that accomodates kids and parenting. And, while I'm at it, everybody needs a cleaning service, even people who work for cleaning services, because who wants to clean their own toilet after cleaning other peoples' all day?