Would you allow your 14 y.o. daughter to ride Metro Bus alone?
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Anonymous
This kind of crap was going on and you didn't feel you could tell your parents. Wow, they sucked! Really not their fault. They didn't recognize the risk and I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell them, which also wasn't their fault, because they were always responsive when told of a problem. When I finally told them, they were devastated. Most bullying and sexual assault isn't discussed with parents or reported to law enforcement. That's why parents have to be explicit about the nature of street harassment, teach verbal and physical self-defense, and make clear that they want to hear about any incidents. |
Anonymous
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Okay, stop the presses! Am I reading this correctly? Folks are saying that it's safer in DC than in the 'burbs???
Well damn! That is a first on DCUM. What a glorious day! --A proud DC resident whose 11 year old rides the bus alone |
Anonymous
Really not their fault. They didn't recognize the risk and I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell them, which also wasn't their fault, because they were always responsive when told of a problem. When I finally told them, they were devastated. Most bullying and sexual assault isn't discussed with parents or reported to law enforcement. That's why parents have to be explicit about the nature of street harassment, teach verbal and physical self-defense, and make clear that they want to hear about any incidents. Totally thier fault. I hope you know that it is your responsibility to teach your children to come to you with these issues. You may say different times, but they are only as different as you let them be. How terrible that they raised you to be that weak as to allow yourself to get back in that position day after day without complain. Moreover you carry those scars as a fear of people in general instead of as simply a warning to not parent as they did. I hope you are in therapy over this issue. |
Anonymous
Of course. It's safer on the street where there are a lot of other people around and it's safer on buses and Metro cars where they're full of professionals. Also, you know, the suburbanization of poverty, which some DCUMs just haven't yet gotten their heads around. |
Anonymous
Totally thier fault. I hope you know that it is your responsibility to teach your children to come to you with these issues. You may say different times, but they are only as different as you let them be. How terrible that they raised you to be that weak as to allow yourself to get back in that position day after day without complain. Moreover you carry those scars as a fear of people in general instead of as simply a warning to not parent as they did. I hope you are in therapy over this issue. NP here. This happened to me in middle school too, although not on a bus. I didn't really know what was going on and never said anything to my parents. Not sure what they could have done about it anyway. As the PP said it was a different era. In my case it was the 70s. |
Anonymous
Absolutely. I grew up in a city and if we lived in one now, I would feel much more comfortable sending my kids out and about than I do now. Here in the suburbs, they have to contend with a lack of sidewalks (my #1 safety concern) and fewer people around to see, deter, and defend against any weirdos. I think there is a lot of safety in a crowd, particularly when that crowd is on a sidewalk. It also is better in cities when people of all socio-economic statuses take public transportation, rather than just the poor and otherwise marginalized. |
Anonymous
| I think VA has a lot more illegal immigrants. Those day workers hang around street corners. A girl I know who took the bus/subway alone to Trinity School in Va...was grabbed by a guy and she had to fight her way off...he tried to get her in his old truck. |
Anonymous
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IMO, the riding the bus is not the issue. We live in DC and my kids could probably figure out how to get to Florida using public transportation. They have been doing it since MS and are very savvy and aware. They have had some incidents but they were able to cope because of their street sense and advice we had given.
My major concern here would be a 16YO with a predictable routine having to walk alone from the bus stop in the afternoon. I do not know that area well, but I would be concerned if the area she walks through is fairly deserted at the time she will be coming through. |
Anonymous
| My DD started taking the bus now and then when she was in 7th grade (12, 13). She always sits near the driver, has a phone and knows where to go. She even transfers. Honestly I think it's fine. She also walks around malls and Bethesda with friends and goes to movies with friends. We need to start loosening the reins at some point. |
Anonymous
NP here. This happened to me in middle school too, although not on a bus. I didn't really know what was going on and never said anything to my parents. Not sure what they could have done about it anyway. As the PP said it was a different era. In my case it was the 70s. This is a risk in life. As you note, it had nothing to do with a bus in your instance. You need to prepare your children to handle this type of danger. For you, it sounds like it was a one time incident, so maybe there wasnt anything your parents could do. PP, on the other hand, was talking about serial instances of guys touching her on the bus that culminated in this. Her parents should have taught her communcation, coping, and defensive skills, as she was clearly ill prepared to be anywhere alone at that point in her life. |
Anonymous
| The obvious solution is a firearm for OP's DD. |
Anonymous
Good call. But don't forget the bus drivers. They need them too! |
Anonymous
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Hi all, Lauren from Defend Yourself here. Thanks for the shout-out, "anonymous" from a few days ago.
I want to acknowledge everyone's experience and perspectives. Most of them have been constructive, and talking these things through is always helpful. There is a body of knowledge on building children's safety skills as they gain independence. Feel free to contact me and I'm happy to consult. Whether or not you're up for having your child take a class, their ongoing conversation with you as the parent is the key influence. I'd also suggest "The Kidpower Book for Caring Adults," and a lot of free resources at kidpower.org, that can help you make these decisions and build your child's safety skills. Best, Lauren www.defendyourself.org |
Anonymous
| Perverts can really ruin your day. Girls are targets. So, no. |
Anonymous
I used to ride the Trains to downtown chicago all the time by myself when i was 8. I think it depends upon the kid, some kids are ready for the bus at 9, some aren't ready at 19. |