Husband unemployed and not applying for jobs. How to manage my feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my husband too. We ended up divorcing and his refusal to work definitely helped the division of assets in my favor. After his alimony ran out, he actually ended up getting a fairly decent job with an 80k salary. Amazing what he could accomplish once he wasn't enabled

I had 2 friends with those kinds of guys. They only use them and what your ex was doing. My one friend is still married to the bum, very sad and she's beyond cute with zero self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my husband too. We ended up divorcing and his refusal to work definitely helped the division of assets in my favor. After his alimony ran out, he actually ended up getting a fairly decent job with an 80k salary. Amazing what he could accomplish once he wasn't enabled

I had 2 friends with those kinds of guys. They only use them and what your ex was doing. My one friend is still married to the bum, very sad and she's beyond cute with zero self esteem.

That's too bad. Hopefully she will wake up and value herself. I'm so much happier now. Remarried to a great guy with an excellent work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Do you think it's the industry he's in? Or is it him? Seems like he was out of work 8-9 months last time, worked for 2 yrs, and now a similar amount of time again. Do you think it's just bad luck or something more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my husband too. We ended up divorcing and his refusal to work definitely helped the division of assets in my favor. After his alimony ran out, he actually ended up getting a fairly decent job with an 80k salary. Amazing what he could accomplish once he wasn't enabled[/quote
NP here. I threatened to divorce mine, since he has not worked for the past 4 years.
He is in his early 50's and says no one wants to hire him because he has too much experience.
He also said that plenty of single women in their 40's will love to have him as a partner, while no one will want to be with me.
I guess there's some truth to this. So I am not sure what I should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my husband too. We ended up divorcing and his refusal to work definitely helped the division of assets in my favor. After his alimony ran out, he actually ended up getting a fairly decent job with an 80k salary. Amazing what he could accomplish once he wasn't enabled[/quote
NP here. I threatened to divorce mine, since he has not worked for the past 4 years.
He is in his early 50's and says no one wants to hire him because he has too much experience.
He also said that plenty of single women in their 40's will love to have him as a partner, while no one will want to be with me.
I guess there's some truth to this. So I am not sure what I should do.

Nope, not if he is unemployed. And an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my husband too. We ended up divorcing and his refusal to work definitely helped the division of assets in my favor. After his alimony ran out, he actually ended up getting a fairly decent job with an 80k salary. Amazing what he could accomplish once he wasn't enabled[/quote
NP here. I threatened to divorce mine, since he has not worked for the past 4 years.
He is in his early 50's and says no one wants to hire him because he has too much experience.
He also said that plenty of single women in their 40's will love to have him as a partner, while no one will want to be with me.
I guess there's some truth to this. So I am not sure what I should do.

Nope, not if he is unemployed. And an a-hole.

And trust me if he manages to sucker someone else into, you will be happy he is someone else's problem.

[Anonymous]

Why do people disagree when I say that a woman's biggest fear is her husband losing his job?

[Anonymous]

^when she's getting ready to get marrie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Argh! Do you have kids?

If he wants to be a SAHD, fine, draw up a list of responsibilities and hand them to him.

I'll help get you started:

Laundry
Dishes
Home cooked meal every week day
Yard work
Bills
House maintenance/home improvement
Christmas/Birthday/Holiday shopping and gift-buying
Bathrooms!!!

Are you making the argument that all stay at home spouses should be treated as household labor? This is totally wrong of you! Whom ever stays home should not be treated like the help.

[Anonymous]

Wow... so the majority of people on this thread think that we should divorce or show some sort of tough love to every spouse who stays at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow... so the majority of people on this thread think that we should divorce or show some sort of tough love to every spouse who stays at home.

No, but it is naive to expect one human being to support another unwillingly for long periods of time, unless there is a legitimate reason for staying home.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He's in therapy, seeing a psychiatrist. He's in IT - designs and manages systems for software companies. He keeps working for startups then gets laid off. I have never witnessed him actively looking for a job. We live in the San Francisco area so jobs usually fall in his lap. I'm just waiting for him to get a job so I can divorce him without having to pay alimony.

I think if he were posting here he would say he is doing research so he sounds up to date in interviews; he is working on his resume; he was "managing" the painting of our living room in December. Sometimes he goes to the store. He does homework with our daughter when she gets home at 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow... so the majority of people on this thread think that we should divorce or show some sort of tough love to every spouse who stays at home.

Double standards are alive and well in America and on DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Money is a woman's biggest aphrodisiac.

[Anonymous]

No I just want him to help out one way or another. I'll take cooking cleaning childcare. I'll take divorce, no strings attached. But being blamed for his problems? Sorry.