Husband unemployed and not applying for jobs. How to manage my feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I just want him to help out one way or another. I'll take cooking cleaning childcare. I'll take divorce, no strings attached. But being blamed for his problems? Sorry.

Then put up or shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I just want him to help out one way or another. I'll take cooking cleaning childcare. I'll take divorce, no strings attached. But being blamed for his problems? Sorry.

Then put up or shut up.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

What is there to misunderstand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow... so the majority of people on this thread think that we should divorce or show some sort of tough love to every spouse who stays at home.

Double standards are alive and well in America and on DCUM!

You guys must have missed the beginning of this thread- second time in two years, husband isn't even trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow... so the majority of people on this thread think that we should divorce or show some sort of tough love to every spouse who stays at home.

Double standards are alive and well in America and on DCUM!

You guys must have missed the beginning of this thread- second time in two years, husband isn't even trying.

Who believes her? I find it hard to believe he hasn't even sent a single resume in four months. Just another bullshit man-bashing DCUM blood in the water thread.

[Anonymous]

I thought my DH didn't want to work for a year. Now he's a,workaholic. Looking back, he didn't want to job hunt and send resumes. That notion was like a deer in headlights. He just couldn't do it, I think he never had to before, maybe his family made connections for him in the past. What if you apply for him and he just interviews?

[Anonymous]

Indeed -- just another bullshit man-bashing DCUM blood in the water thread.

[Anonymous]

Op, he's catastrophizing as theyd say in psychology. He needs to follow the negative thought thru. What if they reject me? Ok so what. Then they might say no. Ok so what. Then he tells you they said no and waits fir the next interview. Or what if he doesnt like the job he gets. Ok so what. I have an income but hate being at work. Ok so what. So i will surf the net and DCUM too much at work. Ok so what. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Indeed -- just another bullshit man-bashing DCUM blood in the water thread.

Of course. You believe otherwise?

[Anonymous]

My DH spent many years getting a PhD while I was bread winner and we had a baby. Then he spent about two years doing short term post docs and contract work. As that was ending, he wouldn't apply to jobs (or not many). He would say "that one's out of reach; that one might be too boring ..." It was frustrating. Then a dream job fell in his lap (guy he was contracting with put him in touch with someone who hired him - he didn't have to apply per se, but did have to interview and do a presentation). We moved for the dream job and now my career is a bit uncertain. I am currently working, but it's not clear whether the telework agreement will be long term. I was doing nothing about looking because I had no idea how to transition to some of the fields I think I'd like better and have been feeling pretty depressed about being away from friends, family, and all things familiar. A few weeks ago I hired a career coach and, while it's a lot of money, it makes me feel accountable. I've gotten more resumes / applications out the door in the past few weeks than in the prior months. Maybe coaching (or, as others have mentioned, therapy) would help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money is a woman's biggest aphrodisiac.

No - it isn't. It's status, looks, then money. The way to test this is to see what gets women wet instinctively at their smv prime of 18-26.

It's not money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow... so the majority of people on this thread think that we should divorce or show some sort of tough love to every spouse who stays at home.

Double standards are alive and well in America and on DCUM!

You guys must have missed the beginning of this thread- second time in two years, husband isn't even trying.

Who believes her? I find it hard to believe he hasn't even sent a single resume in four months. Just another bullshit man-bashing DCUM blood in the water thread.

Op here. He has sent 3, so you are right.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and it's 8 months, not 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a lazy ass. Make it clear you are no sugar mama and if you were you would be supporting a hot and ripped 23 year old, not him. Maybe that will motivate him to start sending that resume out

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He got a job in August 2013 and lost it again exactly two years later (August 2015). Here I am again...he's unemployed and doesn't do anything other than blame me for his low self esteem. I'm holding my breath for him to get a job because now I'm clear that I am not the one for him. He needs someone much more giving than I am. Sad for my kid. Hope he gets a job soon. We fight all the time and are in counseling.

Assuming he's depressed, how can I help him get on the job search if I don't feel very much empathy for him? I want empathy but my resentment gets in the way: I don't know what he does all day. He doesn't do daycare as we pay for afterschool. He doesn't cook. He doesn't clean. He rarely does errands. He doesn't manage playdates, summer camp planning, etc. He doesn't walk the dog. He won't sit down with me and figure out a way to cut expenses so we can at least live within the new income level (mine). He keeps buying bottled water, luxury juices, glass bottled milk ($7 a quart). He says I don't appreciate him because he does things that I don't see, but he won't tell me what those are.

OMG....he would get a time limit and if nothing changed he would be GONE!

Lay the groundwork to be rid of him.