Discipline and your spouse - if one person is much more strict...

[Anonymous]

We know the guy has anger issues but stopped counseling. Based on that fact alone, I think grandma is probably not being overly dramatic. Also, regardless of the force feeding issue, all the slapping seems indicative of someone with anger issues. Getting frustrated is normal, expecially when it comes to toddlers, but it seems your DH is taking things a step too far and needs to accept he has a problem and do something about it. He may not be some super hard-core abuser, but I think it's clear there's a problem here and that he will affect the kids is a negative way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np here. when reading the post the flag that came to me was grandma. She sounds pretty dramatic to me. And being that she is your mom, OP, I am sure she has a huge influence on your perspective too. Have you asked DH about the feeding situation from his perspective? Seems like we only heard it from your mom.

Your mom needs to mind her own unless she sees some real abuse here.

This is your marriage, not your moms. I think you are looking at things pretty realistically. I don't think you are in denial. I think some of these posters live in la la land and are in denial that life is not all roses. Your DH does not sound like an abuser to me. He sounds like an overwhelmed human being who needs to sit back and take some deep breathes.

I'd be far more interested in thinking about the feeding "situation" from a 3 yr old girls' perspective.

Her dad already did a whole year of ineffective therapy for anger issues and refuses to do more.

What does life feel like in her body, family and home?

The 3 yr old has no control or say in what goes in her mouth, greeting her grandmother or what play equipment she uses at the park. When that kid blows, it will be epic.

OP, this is not how you want to raise your kids so why are you making this choice daily? What is it that is keeping you "stuck"?

[Anonymous]

OP,
Is your youngest a boy? Bet he hits him because he was hit himself. My ex wife recreated her harsh childhood and seemed to particularly take out her frustrations on DD rather than DS. We are now divorced and she has visitation. The kids are much happier and more relaxed after therapy and living in a more peaceful home. They only get one chance to be kids. How he treats them makes you feel upset for a reason, your instincts are talking to you. EW also refused to go back to therapy or to think/talk about how her childhood impacted her parenting. I never wanted to be divorced but I couldn't stomach (like your mom) seeing my kids grow up so careful and anxious. Good luck to you and your little ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is abusive and you are an enabler. I imagine your child won't speak to either one of you as an adult, after years and thousands of dollars of therapy.

Seriously think about this OP. Your parents are walking on eggshells around your H b/c they don't want to be cut off. You share their parenting outlook but let your children be treated in a harsh at best way. They are looking to you to protect them.

Do they have "behavior problems" at daycare? If not, more validation that your H is the one with the problem. That he is digging in his heels about going back to counseling is not a great sign either. Are you willing to damage your relationship with the kids in the longterm to "keep the peace"?

[Anonymous]

I was raised by someone like your spouse OP. If you think HE has anger issues wait until your kids are adults. They may cut him off. They will be furious with you for not changing things for them. I was a sneaky and wild teen, it was like revenge. Your mom is right, kids whose eating is controlled like that are more likely to have eating disorders, I did, it's one of the only controls you have. I'd see someone yourself and figure out how you got here and what to do next. He is not going to change so I wouldn't waste a lot of time and effort there.