Do I have to pay child support?
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Anonymous
| See the prior post regarding Welfare Reform Act. If the girl files for welfare you most certainly can be on the hook for support. |
Anonymous
| OP, I would do everything I can, to help your son and his girlfriend both get through college and be able to earn a living. In the long run, your son will have a better life and his child will have a better life if both he and the child's mother can earn a decent living. Everything you set up with the parents of the girl should be centered around that goal. |
Anonymous
Just for a few months, until OP's son turns 18. |
Anonymous
| Do the kids want to get married? |
Anonymous
Yes, they do. But not until after college. Both sets of parents support that decision. |
Anonymous
| I would be more worried about statutory rape charge if they started having sex while she was underage. I would work with the girl, her parents and your son to ensure that everyone is on track and this young couple and their child can actually have a decent future. |
Anonymous
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OP, it might help if you talk to the other parents and realize that look, it's not always obvious that condoms aren't 100% effective, but they aren't. They are only about 80%. Dual methods are the only way to bring that error rate down close to zero percent. No one - not a doctor, definitely not a parent, not a peer - EVER told me that there were such high error rates. I only know them like the back of my hand because I work in clinical research. I also have gotten pregnant three times 'off cycle' so throw into the mix the fact that the whole 'once a month' ovulation thing is not a given and it is really hard as a teenager to understand all the ways that those lil' zygotes can find their way together. Crimes committed as a 17yo are not part of the public record for a reason. Kids make bad, stupid, irrational decisions. It's part of growing up.
So parent counseling = fail. School education = fail. Government health communication = fail. It's NO ONE'S FAULT. S^%T HAPPENS AND IT SUCKS. If they are freaking out, then it seems like they are insecure/anxious about their decision, which is well within their right. Don't take it personally and although it's good to know your legal standing, once they cool off and realize you're not moving to arkansas, they'll chill. What sucks is that I know it's a woman's choice and all, and no one should ever, ever make a child have a woman against her will, but what does your son say about having a baby? Was he for/against or just undecided because he's still a kid? |
Anonymous
My son loves this girl. He is committed to her (as much as a 17 year can be) and fully intends to marry her some day. He is scared. Very scared to be a father at such a young age but wants to do what is right. Up to this point, he has been letting her make the decisions. He does not want to be responsible for her making a decision she regrets down the road. He says he will support her in whatever she decides to do. This is never a position I imagined myself being in but here we are. These kids had sex and are now paying the consequences. I empathize with the girl. It must be hard to have 2 sets of parents, a boyfriend, and siblings watching a waiting to see what you are going to do next. I think both sets of parents are committed to ensuring that the kids finish high school and college. My son and his girlfriend had dreams of going away for college. Will will now focus on the local options. |
Anonymous
| OP, all is not lost. Fred Thompson, former US Senator from TN, running for GOP nomination 4 yrs. ago, and actor, got his girlfriend pregnant when they were 17. Her parents let them get married but paid for both of them to go to college. He has done well but it did sober him up and will do the same for your son and his girlfriend. I suspect that at this moment you (and her family) are still in shock but if you and your DH and the girl's parents work together, you can make it work. I think it is very difficult in this day and age for teenagers because there is no longer a stigma attached to pre-marital sex and there is so much peer pressure. I wish all of you the best and this time next year you will be in love with your first grandchild. |
Anonymous
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Anything to encourage the girl to give the baby up for adoption would be a good idea. No teen is emotionally or financially prepared -- or ultimately mature enough -- to have a baby. College in the future? MAYBE - if she can live with her parents and they agree to do a LOT. College fun? Doubtful.
I realize OP isn't the mother of the girl, but again, just think about how hard it was when your own kid/kids were newborns. I'm assuming you were married at the time and had the support of your husband. And that you weren't a teenager. And if any of these assumptions aren't true, then you have the life experience to say "babies aren't always a bed of roses." Many childless couples who can't conceive would be so thrilled just to be able to speak to the girl about the possibility of adopting the baby. Honestly, I think it is the best thing for all parties. Sure, they will always love that baby, and always think of her, but they will be giving the baby the best gift - (adoptive) parents who are ready to become parents. |
Anonymous
If this were my daughter, I would rather she have an abortion than have a child and give it up for adoption. This is a cruel thing to do to the girl and the boy. They had sex and a baby was the consequence and, with the help and support of both sets of parents, they will mature and learn to handle their situaion. Thank god, in this day and age, a girl does not have to give her baby up for adoption. Who are you or anyone else to say these parents aren't the best for their child. |
Anonymous
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OP 22:46 again. Have you tried talking to the other mom, sans any kids or husbands, and just asking what her thoughts are? If they are this jumpy then maybe there is some internal conflict; for example, her husband is 100% for her daughter having the baby and she is on the fence so just keeps her mouth shut. There could be any sort of dynamics here but I'm sorry, it's a woman's choice for a reason; only we know what it's like and have to go through pregnancy, birth, most of the infant care, etc.
Your son is a deer in headlights and that is a big sign that these kids are not ready to be parents. I really agree with PP that someone needs to advocate for this girl. |
Anonymous
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As far as I know
A grandparent can be sued for child support if the father is a minor/student This is not common, but it has happened |
Anonymous
I think above PP has a good idea and that both mothers will have a better chance of having a discussion and coming to a decision in how to help both of them. I fear, however, that you son will be blamed even though the sex was consenual. I also think that her parents are going to be adamant about their daughter not seeing your son again for a long time. My cousin's son fathered a child and the girl had the baby but her parents refuse to let him or his parents see the child. Because she is underage, I would also consult an attorney because they could claim statutory rape. It isn't hard for a girl this young to give into her parents demands, no matter the truth. Please let us know what happens and I wish all of you the best. |
Anonymous
I am an adoptive mother. While I am obviously thrilled to be a parent, it was very important to me that my child joined my family because of the birth mother's choice. I would be heartbroken to think that she had been pressured or coerced. I think that talking to a child about adoption is fine, but please don't pressure her. |