Do I have to pay child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but as a parent, I'm liable (morally, don't know about legally) for any obligations my child fails to meet. If my kid doesn't return a library book or breaks a window with a baseball, then it's my responsibility to make sure the debt is paid and then take steps to make sure my kid takes responsibility for it.

If my son has a baby then that baby needs to be taken care of. Yes, my son needs to get a job, and meet his obligation, but if for some reason, such as unemployment, that isn't happening then it's my responsibility to make sure that the baby still has a safe place to sleep, and food and diapers. I can't let that responsibility fall to someone else, such as the child's mother, or her parents, or the state. Now, my son may be on the hook to pay me back, but that's between me and him. His obligation to the child must still be met.

Did you just say that your son's child would be more your responsibility than the responsibility of its own mother? Or other grandparents? Glad you are not my MIL.

Oh, please, I think you know what she meant, even if the phrasing wasn't perfect-- she clearly meant 100% of that responsibility.

OP, your question just made me sad. I know few of us want to see our minor child have a child of their own before they have a secure job, family, and life, but I've always been open-mouthed shocked at the grandparents-to-be who can't muster up an ounce of happiness at the prospect of a new life, their grandchild. I say this as the granddaughter of a woman who urged my mom to get an abortion when she was unmarried and pregnant. Unfortunately, it is how you parent in these moments that will determine how your children (and grandchildren) remember you, even if it's something you didn't choose and therefore don't feel like you should be judged by.

The legal answer to your question is "yes," until he turns 18.

Bully for you and your mother. She should have an abortion and learn from this HUGE mistake and not do the same thing twice. If my daughter got pregnant, I would be livid, and I would take her to get an abortion. Having a kid at 18, is a recipe for disaster and I've invested too much love, time, money for her to make a decision that will ruin her life.

And deny her the chance to love and nurture her own child? Don't you think forcing fer to kill her unborn baby will destroy both her and your relationship with her?

She's 16 years old. No, I don't think forcing her to ABORT a zygote will destroy her relationship with me. I suppose if your daughter a victim of incest or rape and impregated, you would be in favor of her having said child.

You are probably right, it would just be the cherry on top of all the other reasons she hates you for being such a control freak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but as a parent, I'm liable (morally, don't know about legally) for any obligations my child fails to meet. If my kid doesn't return a library book or breaks a window with a baseball, then it's my responsibility to make sure the debt is paid and then take steps to make sure my kid takes responsibility for it.

If my son has a baby then that baby needs to be taken care of. Yes, my son needs to get a job, and meet his obligation, but if for some reason, such as unemployment, that isn't happening then it's my responsibility to make sure that the baby still has a safe place to sleep, and food and diapers. I can't let that responsibility fall to someone else, such as the child's mother, or her parents, or the state. Now, my son may be on the hook to pay me back, but that's between me and him. His obligation to the child must still be met.

Did you just say that your son's child would be more your responsibility than the responsibility of its own mother? Or other grandparents? Glad you are not my MIL.

Oh, please, I think you know what she meant, even if the phrasing wasn't perfect-- she clearly meant 100% of that responsibility.

OP, your question just made me sad. I know few of us want to see our minor child have a child of their own before they have a secure job, family, and life, but I've always been open-mouthed shocked at the grandparents-to-be who can't muster up an ounce of happiness at the prospect of a new life, their grandchild. I say this as the granddaughter of a woman who urged my mom to get an abortion when she was unmarried and pregnant. Unfortunately, it is how you parent in these moments that will determine how your children (and grandchildren) remember you, even if it's something you didn't choose and therefore don't feel like you should be judged by.

The legal answer to your question is "yes," until he turns 18.

Bully for you and your mother. She should have an abortion and learn from this HUGE mistake and not do the same thing twice. If my daughter got pregnant, I would be livid, and I would take her to get an abortion. Having a kid at 18, is a recipe for disaster and I've invested too much love, time, money for her to make a decision that will ruin her life.

And if your daughter did not want an abortion?

She's under 18, my house, my rules. However, I have discussed these things openly with son and daughter, They know how to use condoms and if my daughter should decide she wants to become sexually active, then she knows to come to me and we go to doctor for birth control pills. I've raised my three children and I'm not planning on raising theirs.

Have you been a teenager? Do you really think a teenage girl can be relied upon to take a birth control pill every single day? Please, please consider getting her an IUD.

http://med.stanford.edu/ism/2010/june/iud-0621.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but as a parent, I'm liable (morally, don't know about legally) for any obligations my child fails to meet. If my kid doesn't return a library book or breaks a window with a baseball, then it's my responsibility to make sure the debt is paid and then take steps to make sure my kid takes responsibility for it.

If my son has a baby then that baby needs to be taken care of. Yes, my son needs to get a job, and meet his obligation, but if for some reason, such as unemployment, that isn't happening then it's my responsibility to make sure that the baby still has a safe place to sleep, and food and diapers. I can't let that responsibility fall to someone else, such as the child's mother, or her parents, or the state. Now, my son may be on the hook to pay me back, but that's between me and him. His obligation to the child must still be met.

Did you just say that your son's child would be more your responsibility than the responsibility of its own mother? Or other grandparents? Glad you are not my MIL.

Oh, please, I think you know what she meant, even if the phrasing wasn't perfect-- she clearly meant 100% of that responsibility.

OP, your question just made me sad. I know few of us want to see our minor child have a child of their own before they have a secure job, family, and life, but I've always been open-mouthed shocked at the grandparents-to-be who can't muster up an ounce of happiness at the prospect of a new life, their grandchild. I say this as the granddaughter of a woman who urged my mom to get an abortion when she was unmarried and pregnant. Unfortunately, it is how you parent in these moments that will determine how your children (and grandchildren) remember you, even if it's something you didn't choose and therefore don't feel like you should be judged by.

The legal answer to your question is "yes," until he turns 18.

Bully for you and your mother. She should have an abortion and learn from this HUGE mistake and not do the same thing twice. If my daughter got pregnant, I would be livid, and I would take her to get an abortion. Having a kid at 18, is a recipe for disaster and I've invested too much love, time, money for her to make a decision that will ruin her life.

And deny her the chance to love and nurture her own child? Don't you think forcing fer to kill her unborn baby will destroy both her and your relationship with her?

She's 16 years old. No, I don't think forcing her to ABORT a zygote will destroy her relationship with me. I suppose if your daughter a victim of incest or rape and impregated, you would be in favor of her having said child.

You are probably right, it would just be the cherry on top of all the other reasons she hates you for being such a control freak.

That's always a risk, but I can guarantee she would hate you less for that decision than if you forced her to have a baby and then relinquish it for adoption as was so frequently the norm between 1950 and 1980.

[Anonymous]

On a more direct note, if the OP's son did not want to parent the child, couldn't he go to court and have his parental rights terminated? Or would he still have to pay child support, only then have no rights either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but as a parent, I'm liable (morally, don't know about legally) for any obligations my child fails to meet. If my kid doesn't return a library book or breaks a window with a baseball, then it's my responsibility to make sure the debt is paid and then take steps to make sure my kid takes responsibility for it.

If my son has a baby then that baby needs to be taken care of. Yes, my son needs to get a job, and meet his obligation, but if for some reason, such as unemployment, that isn't happening then it's my responsibility to make sure that the baby still has a safe place to sleep, and food and diapers. I can't let that responsibility fall to someone else, such as the child's mother, or her parents, or the state. Now, my son may be on the hook to pay me back, but that's between me and him. His obligation to the child must still be met.

Did you just say that your son's child would be more your responsibility than the responsibility of its own mother? Or other grandparents? Glad you are not my MIL.

Oh, please, I think you know what she meant, even if the phrasing wasn't perfect-- she clearly meant 100% of that responsibility.

OP, your question just made me sad. I know few of us want to see our minor child have a child of their own before they have a secure job, family, and life, but I've always been open-mouthed shocked at the grandparents-to-be who can't muster up an ounce of happiness at the prospect of a new life, their grandchild. I say this as the granddaughter of a woman who urged my mom to get an abortion when she was unmarried and pregnant. Unfortunately, it is how you parent in these moments that will determine how your children (and grandchildren) remember you, even if it's something you didn't choose and therefore don't feel like you should be judged by.

The legal answer to your question is "yes," until he turns 18.

Bully for you and your mother. She should have an abortion and learn from this HUGE mistake and not do the same thing twice. If my daughter got pregnant, I would be livid, and I would take her to get an abortion. Having a kid at 18, is a recipe for disaster and I've invested too much love, time, money for her to make a decision that will ruin her life.

And deny her the chance to love and nurture her own child? Don't you think forcing fer to kill her unborn baby will destroy both her and your relationship with her?

She's 16 years old. No, I don't think forcing her to ABORT a zygote will destroy her relationship with me. I suppose if your daughter a victim of incest or rape and impregated, you would be in favor of her having said child.

You are probably right, it would just be the cherry on top of all the other reasons she hates you for being such a control freak.

That's always a risk, but I can guarantee she would hate you less for that decision than if you forced her to have a baby and then relinquish it for adoption as was so frequently the norm between 1950 and 1980.

NP, who is advocating the forcing of abortion or adoption on anyone? You know that your daughter is a person with feelings and dreams, right? Your posts are seriously disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a more direct note, if the OP's son did not want to parent the child, couldn't he go to court and have his parental rights terminated? Or would he still have to pay child support, only then have no rights either?

No it doesn't work that way. If the girl is on state aid then termination of rights has to go through a court since child support pays back the state for her medical care. Very few courts would allow the termination of parental rights if it would mean putting a single mother into poverty. If the state is not involved it could be possible, but only with the mother's consent.

OP, you are probably jumping the gun. Your son should be financially responsible, but that doesn't mean you have to be. You could loan him money with the idea that he pays you back after college, etc. Your son may already have a plan anyway. Before anything happens, though, a paternity test should be taken just to be certain. Don't let him sign any documents (birth certificate, etc) until the DNA results are back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but as a parent, I'm liable (morally, don't know about legally) for any obligations my child fails to meet. If my kid doesn't return a library book or breaks a window with a baseball, then it's my responsibility to make sure the debt is paid and then take steps to make sure my kid takes responsibility for it.

If my son has a baby then that baby needs to be taken care of. Yes, my son needs to get a job, and meet his obligation, but if for some reason, such as unemployment, that isn't happening then it's my responsibility to make sure that the baby still has a safe place to sleep, and food and diapers. I can't let that responsibility fall to someone else, such as the child's mother, or her parents, or the state. Now, my son may be on the hook to pay me back, but that's between me and him. His obligation to the child must still be met.

Did you just say that your son's child would be more your responsibility than the responsibility of its own mother? Or other grandparents? Glad you are not my MIL.

Oh, please, I think you know what she meant, even if the phrasing wasn't perfect-- she clearly meant 100% of that responsibility.

OP, your question just made me sad. I know few of us want to see our minor child have a child of their own before they have a secure job, family, and life, but I've always been open-mouthed shocked at the grandparents-to-be who can't muster up an ounce of happiness at the prospect of a new life, their grandchild. I say this as the granddaughter of a woman who urged my mom to get an abortion when she was unmarried and pregnant. Unfortunately, it is how you parent in these moments that will determine how your children (and grandchildren) remember you, even if it's something you didn't choose and therefore don't feel like you should be judged by.

The legal answer to your question is "yes," until he turns 18.

Bully for you and your mother. She should have an abortion and learn from this HUGE mistake and not do the same thing twice. If my daughter got pregnant, I would be livid, and I would take her to get an abortion. Having a kid at 18, is a recipe for disaster and I've invested too much love, time, money for her to make a decision that will ruin her life.

And deny her the chance to love and nurture her own child? Don't you think forcing fer to kill her unborn baby will destroy both her and your relationship with her?

She's 16 years old. No, I don't think forcing her to ABORT a zygote will destroy her relationship with me. I suppose if your daughter a victim of incest or rape and impregated, you would be in favor of her having said child.

I'm pro-choice, but even I know that an embryo of 10 weeks gestation is hardly a zygote. Please educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

I don't get you people who think the poster who said she'd take her teenage daughter to get an abortion is crazy. So WHAT if a 16 year old wants to keep her baby- does a 16 year old have any idea of the ramifications of that choice? Not likely. But a mother does. A teenage girl just thinks how cute it will be to have a baby and her boyfriend will marry her and her friends can throw her a BABY SHOWER and she and her kid can be BFF because they'll kind of grow up together! She is NOT ABLE to fully comprehend the enormity of what choosing to have a baby would mean for her future. If my daughter came home pregnant at 16, I would absolutely do my best to convince her to have an abortion. No "My way or the highway" about it, but sitting her down and explaining to her the various ways it will make her life so much harder than it has to be. And no mother owes anyone an explanation for doing what is best for THEIR child, not a cluster of cells.

If my daughter absolutely insisted, no matter what I told her, I would do my best to be happy and supportive. But I can admit it would take me a LONG time to get to a state of acceptance with it.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I'm still hoping an actually attorney with knowledge in this area would answer the question, instead of all the speculating. I have two sons, and had never thought about this aspect of it! Does anyone know if the parents are LEGALLY liable for child support if two children make a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That's always a risk, but I can guarantee she would hate you less for that decision than if you forced her to have a baby and then relinquish it for adoption as was so frequently the norm between 1950 and 1980.

I don't know. I think forcing any choice in this situation, abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby is an incredibly abusive thing to do. Provide information, counsel your child based on your values (and yes, in my case that would mean saying "if it were me, I'd probably choose an abortion for X, Y, Z reasons"), but make sure your child knows that it's their decision and you will respect it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a more direct note, if the OP's son did not want to parent the child, couldn't he go to court and have his parental rights terminated? Or would he still have to pay child support, only then have no rights either?

Maybe he does. I don't get the big deal about teaching him responsibility (though it is a bit late but better late than never). He needs to man up, get a job and pay support. Baby's mom needs to too.

No, he cannot give up his parental rights in less there is someone else taking his place/adoption. Many men pay child support and while technically have rights, have none as the mothers don't want them involved. That's how our culture works.

[Anonymous]

Can the annoying santimommies get their own thread so we can get back to discussing the OP's question?

The son is 18. He is not a minor. Is there liability here?

[Anonymous]

No, OP clearly said the son is under 18.

I don't know the law (and OP, you need to get some professional advice) but I agree there is a moral responsibility here. Have you spoken with the girl and her family? Ideally, you can all get together and talk this through. I know you're angry and they're angry, but you need to get past that and find out what she plans to do. It is her choice. I hope her parents agree and I hope she chooses abortion, as well, but it is her choice.

[Anonymous]

Love it..let's convince your daughter to kill someone..nice. How bout getting her to give the child to a family who can care for the baby if you don't want to help.

[Anonymous]

OP,

What state is your son and the child in to begin with. In Virginia, if your son is established as the father of the child, HE will be obligated to pay support, not you. A court may order HIM to pay support for the child. It can't order you to do so. You can voluntarily provide support. Now, if he does not pay the support he is ordered to pay, he can be charged with violating a court's order. I honestly don't know if they would place him in JDH for non payment. Once he is 18, if he doesn't pay court ordered support, he will be jailed in most Northern Virginia counties. There is a booklet entitled "Establishing Facts About Paternity" that you might find helpful if everyone is in Virginia.