any SAHMs here? looking for perspective from the 50's set!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Would you want that for your daughter? I'd be mortified to be that type of role model for my daughter.

I'd be happy for my daughters if they put themselves in a position to have this option.

I did not go to college for my Mrs. degree. I put myself through law school with a combination of work-study jobs and loans, got a job at a big firm where I worked my butt off to pay back the loans early, and have saved like crazy for almost 20 years. I married someone with similar values and we have built a life together, as partners. We have a lovely (almost paid off) home for our family in a great community, substantial savings for our retirements & kids' education, and secure, stable jobs. We're now at a point where we can be very comfortable on just one income (and we have lots of life & disability insurance just in case), and we're thinking maybe it makes sense for me to stay home with our kids at this point. It looks like this might work for OUR family.

Do I feel blessed & grateful? Yes. Mortified? No, not really.

If you were secure and happy with your decisions, you wouldn't need to attack others & tell SAHMs that they should be "mortified" or that they're "taking the easy way out." This is a difficult decision for many women, and of course there are pros & cons and we're all trying to do our best for our families. There are ways to point out the downsides to being a SAHM without such hostility. Your angry tone detracts from your credibility, and you just come off sounding like a hateful, judgmental person who's unhappy with her own life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm almost 50. Married 25 years. Five kids. Three in college. Stay-at-home wife and mom for 23 years.

We aren't wealthy. We live within our means and are very comfortable. I have zero regrets.

I am in the same boat--thanks for being a great role model!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things seem different when you are older and have less energy. Thank goodness I married a "Rothschild" That was a "choice" as well. 15 years SAHM.

love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I say good for you. Any vitriol comes from women who so clearly wish they had the option. Otherwise, why would they try to be so mean? Once a bully, always a bully. Alas, bullies tend to die alone. So be it. Enjoy your years at home

This is a laughable generalization.

First of all, some of us do have choices. I SAH for two years and almost blew my brains out. This was NOT by choice but b/c of necessity, as I had a sick parent to care for. I returned to work and have loved every minute.

As far as emotional support, I give it and receive it. I have a supportive husband, a fantastic nanny, and a great mother who fills in when needed. For that I am grateful.

I do get the "bitter" comments, however, as it does become tiring hearing the same trite statements: "I just don't know HOW you do it!" "Was it hard leaving your babies when they were young?" "How long have you known your nanny?" The list could go on and on.

I have a great network that unfortunately includes one SAHM who probably "works" more hours than I do as a volunteer at her daughter's Title One school!

So I AM quite content. So don't refer to us all as bullies. Some of us have reasons for being bitter that may not stem from HAVING to work - but from perceptions others have of us BECAUSE we work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things seem different when you are older and have less energy. Thank goodness I married a "Rothschild" That was a "choice" as well. 15 years SAHM.

So you spend your energy sucking up to your rich husband? Oh that's laudable.

Yes. Life seems very black and white to you. You sound very unhappy.

I don't understand this post. My husband sucks up to ME.

+1 He just bought me a new car!

I'm another rich SAHM and my husband just bought me a new car too (loaded Mercedes SUV for cash) and guess what? He's handsome, smart, an awesome father, the same age and we suck up to each other! Your turn, Ms "that's laudable".

Happy for you. Happy that I have my own career and make my own money. I find life for me much more interesting that way.

[Anonymous]

"I think most women are more like me."

Not the women I know. We all went to college and grad school and started careers before starting families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things seem different when you are older and have less energy. Thank goodness I married a "Rothschild" That was a "choice" as well. 15 years SAHM.

So you spend your energy sucking up to your rich husband? Oh that's laudable.

Yes. Life seems very black and white to you. You sound very unhappy.

I don't understand this post. My husband sucks up to ME.

That's healthy and balanced.

Way to go, Queen Bitch. I'm sure your children will learn loads from such a great role model.

[Anonymous]

+1 He just bought me a new car!
We have been togethr a long time. He said, "I would like to buy you a new car for your birthday" I said, "Let me think (about the finances), OK" He called me re the finances, and I remembered some money I had been saving. It was a joint decision, but one I would not have made for myself. Nice car, BTW.
Yes, he is laudable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things seem different when you are older and have less energy. Thank goodness I married a "Rothschild" That was a "choice" as well. 15 years SAHM.

So you spend your energy sucking up to your rich husband? Oh that's laudable.

Yes. Life seems very black and white to you. You sound very unhappy.

I don't understand this post. My husband sucks up to ME.

That's healthy and balanced.

Way to go, Queen Bitch. I'm sure your children will learn loads from such a great role model.

Yes, sadly, my DDs will probably (and hopefully) find someone just like dad.