any SAHMs here? looking for perspective from the 50's set!

[Anonymous]

I stayed home to raise kids for 30 YEARS!
My kids have recently launched. It hurts my heart to see them go off and empty their STUFF they need/want from "home". I have a 4 bedroom house that is empty.
Now for those who say....get a life....it is tough. I do volunteer and I'm active at my church. My resume screams 50 year old looking for a life. My experience is volunteer. Technology is also an issue. To an employer, I am older. And very limited.
Even friends who took time to raise kids have that tell tale gap in employment.
OP: I don't know what to tell you. Pick your poison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope my daughter is as lucky as I am. It's nice to have choices. I think you are bitter that you don't have choices.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband will support me financially for the rest of my life.

Where did you fnd this sucker? 8)

Back in the 80's....it was a very different time! We did not have the daycare options offered today. Working moms and SAHM supported each other. Most of our daycare options were to go to SAHM who took in kids. Not a lot of oversight and no tax advantages. For us, we moved around a lot. Most moms worked around their kids schedule whe the kids started school. These were jobs, not careers.

If we were to split up, the law recognizes that the stay at home parent is entitled to half the assets. Sometimes alimony is awarded. Your comment is offensive and ignorant.

PP, ???

I grew up in the 70s and there was indeed a great divide btw. SAHs and working moms. In fact, to this day, my friends from school will comment about how their working moms felt like second class citizens when they interacted with SAHs. So you must live in La La Land.

The 80s were super hyped up for women. My friends and I were in college, hoping to land that great job. One works for CNN. Another is in marketing. One's a CPA. Another good pal is a dresser for Broadway plays. Some have kids; some don't. But they all work. Some even make more money than their spouses.

But to even mention that the SAH is entitled to half the assets is embarrassing - and somewhat offensive to single mothers struggling to make ends meet.

What is embarrassing?
How is getting half your combined assets offensive to struggling single mothers. Sounds like your friend could have used a better lawyer to help her with her baby daddies.
Life is not fair....and you don't know what others are dealing with. Play the hand you are dealt, "harsh but true"

[Anonymous]

Do it!

[Anonymous]

Do what? Are you reading 50 shades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope my daughter is as lucky as I am. It's nice to have choices. I think you are bitter that you don't have choices.

I just found this post. It's old but still as nasty as can be.

How dare you put down women who "don't have choices?" or who didn't find that Sugar Daddy to cover their asses?

Children of working mothers are fine, btw. They tend to be more resilient and independent. My choice was TO WORK.

[Anonymous]

Had a challenging career. Left it at age 43 and went back to grad school. DS was born (adopted) at age 45. Now 51. Work 2 days a week, have an almost 6 year old. Stayed with him the first few years. Could not manage working more, and find that 16 hours a week gives me a boost also. We only live once, do what works for you!

[Anonymous]

Well, for starters, stop over scheduling your kids so you don't have four hours---four hours, really?----of crap they do after school. Then contemplate how you will survive with all those kids when he meets some sweet young thing at work and leaves your stay at home self.

[Anonymous]

PP, has this happened to you or someone you know?

Let's remember: feminism = freedom from judgment

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, and several stay at home friends stuck in an abusive marriage because they had no money....keep your options open. You may need them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am early 40s and thinking about SAH after working my entire adult life. My oldest is entering middle school next year and I think I just want to be "around" more. I also have younger ones (including a baby) and I feel frazzled juggling everything, even though I work part-time. The after-work "taxi service" for kids' activities is exhausting - often I leave work at 4:00 knowing I will be running people to and fro for the next couple of hours and probably won't get to sit down at home until 8:00 if I'm lucky. Staying home doesn't solve that, but at least it would make for a more relaxing day, and the evenings might not feel like such a fire drill all the time if I had time to regroup during the day. So, I know life at home will keep me very busy, at least for the next few years, if I choose to leave my job.

But my question is: if you have SAH for a number of years, how is it once you are in your mid-50s? I'm both excited and really apprehensive about the possibility of staying home. Part of me is worried that after a few years, I will really become bored (and boring!) by the time my youngest is in elementary school all day every day. Also, I'm an older mom this time around, so most of my friends have children the same age as my older ones, but nobody has babies, and I think most of my friends will be at a completely different stage in life in a few years when our kids are all teens, and I'll still be toting around a 4-yr old with me. I keep telling my (very supportive) husband - "yeah, not working sounds great, but think about doing it for another 40-50 years!" I guess the crux of my question is simply how do you feel in midlife after years out of the paid workforce?

I know going back to work later is always an option, but that I'm unlikely to go back in my field, as it is pretty specialized and somewhat fast-paced, and I know myself well enough to know that I won't keep up with it once I stop working. I also am fairly well-paid now, so I know that I'm be unlikely to take a job several years down the road if it pays significantly less (unless I really had to, but that doesn't seem likely since we are savers/planners and we think we have the financial side of this decision pretty well covered by savings, investments, insurance). I also worry that if I do try to go back, who is going to want to hire a 50-something with a 10-year resume gap? Probably no one. And I'll be almost 60 by the time I am an empty-nester; not the ideal time to jump back into the job market. So in a way I view this as a "permanent" decision even though I know it isn't that way for most people.

Interested to hear from 50-somethings who have been home for ~10 years and how the experience has been, what your plans for the future are, etc. :D

Not to be harsh, OP , but what if you leave your career ( and your pay scale) and in a few years when you are out of the running professionally your husband dies and you are left to put three kids through college alone? Second: do you know any men who would retire at the peak of their profession without a giant golden parachute ? If your parachute is your husband's future salary, be careful. Just my two cents and I have seen it happen

[Anonymous]

I sah, and I have always wished for a part time job. My kids are older and fine now, and I don't ever wish to go back full time, but I would never give up a part time job if I had one. I'd find a way to make it work. I am bored, bored, bored out of my mind, and have been for years and years and years. I have children with health problems, and I focused on those for many years, but now they are fairly resolved (not completely, but don't require constant effort). Even that was not enough for me. I so wish I had been able to hang onto a part time job, but circumstances did not allow it. I have had a few part time jobs, but nothing worked out long term for various reasons. Now I'm too old to even get interviews for jobs I'm overqualified for. I feel redundant and worthless, even though I've poured my energies into my children, and they are healthy and happy. That ought to feel like an accomplishment, but it feels more like something every parent should do, and does not fulfill me, and never has, completely. So, I'm not telling you what you want to hear, OP. Do what you want to do, and what's best for you and your family. BTW, my DH's formerly very stable job is getting shaky in this recession, so even my "he'll support me forever" feeling is eroding. Will your DH have the money to support you forever? My DH would, but he may not have the money, and I've pretty much lost the ability to support myself or my family. If I had a part time job I liked, I'd cling to it for dear life, but that's me. Don't take it for granted, OP. I always thought I'd find another job in my field, but the jobs dried up, and my age caught up with me. Wow, it's been a blow to the skull, and I'm still reeling.

[Anonymous]

There's quite a difference between a 50-year old empty nester and those of us still raising children. I'll be 50 in January, and my children will be 13 and 11. Ask me when I'm 60!

[Anonymous]

"I've pretty much lost the ability to support myself or my family"

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

This thread is HILARIOUS! Some of you women are just so mean, bitter and judgmental. Look, there's no perfect solution to the WOH/SAH debate. As someone here said a few posts back, "pick your posion." Every choice has a price. Choose as best you can, realizing other women will make different choices than you and that's okay.

Got it? Good. End of discussion.