any SAHMs here? looking for perspective from the 50's set!
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Anonymous
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I am early 40s and thinking about SAH after working my entire adult life. My oldest is entering middle school next year and I think I just want to be "around" more. I also have younger ones (including a baby) and I feel frazzled juggling everything, even though I work part-time. The after-work "taxi service" for kids' activities is exhausting - often I leave work at 4:00 knowing I will be running people to and fro for the next couple of hours and probably won't get to sit down at home until 8:00 if I'm lucky. Staying home doesn't solve that, but at least it would make for a more relaxing day, and the evenings might not feel like such a fire drill all the time if I had time to regroup during the day. So, I know life at home will keep me very busy, at least for the next few years, if I choose to leave my job.
But my question is: if you have SAH for a number of years, how is it once you are in your mid-50s? I'm both excited and really apprehensive about the possibility of staying home. Part of me is worried that after a few years, I will really become bored (and boring!) by the time my youngest is in elementary school all day every day. Also, I'm an older mom this time around, so most of my friends have children the same age as my older ones, but nobody has babies, and I think most of my friends will be at a completely different stage in life in a few years when our kids are all teens, and I'll still be toting around a 4-yr old with me. I keep telling my (very supportive) husband - "yeah, not working sounds great, but think about doing it for another 40-50 years!" I guess the crux of my question is simply how do you feel in midlife after years out of the paid workforce? I know going back to work later is always an option, but that I'm unlikely to go back in my field, as it is pretty specialized and somewhat fast-paced, and I know myself well enough to know that I won't keep up with it once I stop working. I also am fairly well-paid now, so I know that I'm be unlikely to take a job several years down the road if it pays significantly less (unless I really had to, but that doesn't seem likely since we are savers/planners and we think we have the financial side of this decision pretty well covered by savings, investments, insurance). I also worry that if I do try to go back, who is going to want to hire a 50-something with a 10-year resume gap? Probably no one. And I'll be almost 60 by the time I am an empty-nester; not the ideal time to jump back into the job market. So in a way I view this as a "permanent" decision even though I know it isn't that way for most people. Interested to hear from 50-somethings who have been home for ~10 years and how the experience has been, what your plans for the future are, etc. 
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Anonymous
| With the support of my husband, I've been SAH for over almost 17 years. The benefits are great, but I'm too exhausted to name them now. I wish I had another way to connect with you so I can give you reasons to be encouraged by your choice. But at last, this forum is not always the proper place. Anyway, just to let you know, the initial (1-2 years) will probably be the hardest for you. |
Anonymous
| I quit a demanding "part time" big law job with preteen age kids. Within 6 months I was pregnant with bonus baby at age 43. I've been 100% satisfied and more with my life and our family life. I too wish I could chat with you outside of DCUM earshot. It's been 7 years nd I haven't had a single regret. I'll be 50 next year and havent thought too much about the next 50 years. But I'm not worried. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| I started SAHM in my early 40s. Now I am in my early 50s and I have been able to go back to my old field as a consultant and I am pretty optimistic about my chances to further develop my career. Staying home was very helpful for our family situation in a number of ways; I personally enjoyed it in some ways but missed a lot of things about working. Of course I am behind where I would have been had I not SAHM but I think the trade off was overall worth it. It is definitely possible to go back to work in your 50s, especially as you have strong professional experience. If you want to take a look at the possibilities before you make this decision look at www.irelaunch.com. You may not want to ever reenter the paid workforce but it is good to be confident that it will be possible before you make your final decision. |
Anonymous
| Thanks! All of this is helpful. I think I'm just going to do it & see where life takes me in 10, 15, 20 years! |
Anonymous
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I have been a 100% stay at home mom. My kids are pretty much launched. I wont lie, I would love to have a pension for all my efforts. But i would not change a thing. I am very close to my kids. They have turned out awesome. Since I do not have a professional degree, I don't believe I could have afforded to work. I believe our over competitive society would not have fared well for my family. They were exposed to many activities, but there was a balance of competitive as well as personal growth. Ie. summer sleep away camps.
When my kids were little, I made the decision to stay home and I honestly believe you can cut corners, prioritize, and live a life that is a lot less stressful than my contemporaries. GOOD LUCH |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you plan for DH to support you for the rest of your life... |
Anonymous
| Yes, my husband will support me financially for the rest of my life. |
Anonymous
| Good for you OP, we are a lucky bunch to have been so fortunate to find supportive men such as ours. Good luck. |
Anonymous
OP here (but not at 19:34). Not sure if you were addressing me or the PP who has been a "100% SAHM," but I will say that, yes, I would be reliant on my DH financially - an idea I am still trying to get comfortable with (that was part of the reason I posted). However, I've worked for a long time, and I have a good amount in my retirement accounts as well as a traditional pension I will collect later. It's not enough for me to retire on today, but it's not as if I haven't contributed to our family's financial success or saved for my own future. We've reached the point, though, where DH's earning outpace mine by so much that even though I make a decent salary, after I pay for childcare I'm making such a small portion of our total income that it doesn't make much difference. |
Anonymous
| Just chiming in as an older mom of a now-toddler. I mix SAH with WOH and WAH, a flexible work arrangement that I have had in place for some time, as I want to be with my son and participate in his life and activities as much as possible. We are not in a position for DH to financially support us, so I try to craft it the best I can. I empathize with your concern about feeling "out of sync" with respect to your little one and the ages of your friends' kids, as I am in the same boat where my friends are concerned. I wish you the best in creating your own, unique approach to family and work, because that is what it needs to be. For those of us who do not fit the conventional portrait of 50 something empty nesters, I feel we must come to terms with the fact that we are different, and then move on and enjoy what we have been blessed to have. |
Anonymous
| I'm in my early 40's and I fully quit my job when my last child was born 4 1/2 years ago (I was part-time for 6 years before that). Now that he is getting ready to go to K next year, I think I will be bored. I've already started feeling it this year with him going to preschool 5 days a week. Because of the economy, I wasn't able to go back to my former place of employment. But I was able to find a part-time job that I really enjoy. It's a low-paying job that does not use my brain but it keeps me occupied. Once all of your kids are in elementary school - 9-4 really is a pretty long stretch of time to be home. |
Anonymous
Where did you fnd this sucker? 8) |
Anonymous
| I am now sahm..and I am confused about the nasty "yes my husband will support me"..,we are in a paternership and we made this decision together. I think sahm is a problem if both sides aren't onboard and if the marriage isn't solid. No regrets..had my career time and got started with the parenting thing late. Perhaps if I had kids young I mIght feel more of a pull to go back and experience the big career..had that and it is nothing (for me) on being home and able to get to everything with our kids. My previous job didn't allow that. |
Anonymous
Don't worry about it. |